I Wanna Change

I can’t believe I relapsed again :sob: Why am I like this? :pleading_face: I just want to change. :woman_facepalming:t4:

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Welcome Makayla! I had to change everything about my life including my career. Sobriety takes a lot of hard work but it’s definitely worth it.

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I wanna be strong enough. I thought I was but I’m not.

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I couldn’t do it on my own. I had to go to meetings and come on here a lot early on. You are in the right place for a good start! What can you do instead tomorrow when you have a craving? Maybe go for a walk, or take a hot bath. Or have something yummy to eat instead.

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I don’t really eat anything anymore. Our bath isn’t a bad it’s like a walk in shower. I could go for a walk, that would be nice. I would really like to get back to playing basketball. That would be great! I miss playing basketball. I do need something that would be able to actually take drugs completely out of my mind, because obviously what I’m doing right now is NOT working.

A walk or basketball sounds like a good idea. Or something that might tempt you to eat. Good job knowing that you want a change!

The only thing that is tempting for me to eat is this $15 cheesecake that I buy myself as a reward

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It takes alot of work but its worth it. Maybe try NA meeting, nothing changes if we dont change our view on our use. When our lives become unmanageable and we have lost all control we usually can take that as a sign that we have a problem that needs to be addressed. Get a support network change your routine, friends, or places you hang out at, usually as addicts we dont have any will power to resist using so its better to just distance ourselves from the lifestyle. Check out treatment centers if necessary

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I think it’s not a lack of strength or willpower. My willpower was usually gone by the time I got home after work or being out with friends. Each day I got up terribly hungover saying, I won’t drink today. My willingness was there. I wasn’t determined. I had to change the thoughts I had on alcohol in my case. Then I needed to think it through till the next morning, how I would feel. Nothing better.
It takes a lot of work and finding a network of likewise people was important. You can do it. We all can do it.

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See that’s the thing my life has became unmanageable, and I have lost all control. I have lost everything in my life, and have done some things I have never thought I would. I have hit rock bottom so many times and every time I do managed to get clean and get my life back together I always end up relapsing and throwing everything away every single time and I don’t know why

Rehab, outpatient, therapy, counseling, AA and medication is what I started with to get sober. I use AA, therapy and this forum to stay sober.

Just have to continue on with the maintenance, follow up with treatment after getting it together we never can be fully cured it takes a lifetime of recovering to keep us from burning down. Cant let our guard drop when things get better or worse there’s always a relapse out there waiting, doing pushups waiting till we’re in a vulnerable spot, and addiction rears its ugly head. I can relate to the throwing it all away everytime. Recovery works if we work it, i was told once that its simple all i had to do was change everything.

I don’t have the money for rehab, counseling, or medication also I don’t need AA I need NA.

Being here is a good start, just finding support is a big step, jails Institutions and dealth is what we can expect from continuing on that path. For me i know for certain id be a goner, we all just find out how far down we have to dig before we start to find our way to keep above ground.

Hey there, for me, getting clean and sober had to become the only thing I was focused on (other than showing up to work so I could keep living). NA sounds like a great place to start! Meetings happen often enough that you can keep yourself surrounded by likeminded people long enough to start making it stick. It also helped me to:

-delete every phone number for every connect I had.
-delete the numbers of the people that I used to use with.

  • stop going to bars, restaurants, and places that I drank or got high at.
  • spent anytime not working or sleeping involved in sober activities (meetings, recovery podcasts, reading recovery memoires, reading on here, journaling, recovery meditations, etc)
    -write a list of every reason I had to get sober, write another vivid account of the last hangover/ come down I had in all its gorey detail. I would read both of these the whole way through every single time I had a craving.

Getting clean and sober was my full time job (aside from my full time job!). My life was so completely entrenched in getting fucked up that I had to put every ounce of me into getting clean.

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I’m sorry you’re here in this place . I relapsed last night too. I blacked out. My partner is now going to support my sobriety. Lets start from today.

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It is hard to stay sober easy part is doing the detox!! I have struggled and only 20 days today free from alcohol! (Devil juice) as I call it.
I bought my self a nice selection of colour pencils and a colouring book why not try colouring takes your mind off the cravings and thoughts! Just a tip it seems to work for me or read a book! Hope you find what helps you through a rough time without relapsing x

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Here is to today!

The first 24 hours are the most important hours in anyones recovery.

We got this!

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This is so true. I just repeated this to my partner. “its easy to do the detox. Its the staying sober that is hard”. Thank you - this is the wisdom I need right now.

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What is so important about the first 24 hours ? Thanks