Im so angry with myself I was doing so well until I went on another 4 day binder. The panic attacks keep me up all night and the anxiety is like a knife in my chest. I was 7 days sober and then went out and had a margarita with a friend and it was the forever down spiral. It really gets the best of me and once I start I cant stop and Im so utterly irresponsible and pathetic. They hangovers literally detroy me and make me so terrible sick. So here we go again, I hit reset on my app. I know I can do this I just have to be strong and never give up. Thank you for whoever is out there listening…
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Girl! I not only hear you… I FEEL YOU! I am exactly where you are at but haven’t had the strength to make it past 2 days. The fact that you made 7 shows you are able to put yourself into an upward spiral again!
I have panic attacks ALL THE TIME! Crippling ones that I thought only alcohol can quell- but I’ve found some things that take the edge off almost as well. Kava for one thing- its a root not a drug. Taste like dirt and makes your mouth numb but its truly an anti anxiety and muscle relaxant.
Im so appreciative for you, your honesty, and our similarities… we can do it! Your not alone (hug)
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Dont beat your self so hard @Shelbyeriss , you are here that is very good. Go back up on the horsesadle. Do not give up on yourself. You can beat this, focus on the things that can be different not be in the past. Be present, hour by hour , day by day . A step in front of the other. I suggest you put up a list of good positive things about yourself. And remind yourself on that everyday. I do know your are tough, sympatic and helpful person. Turn that to yourself too … i bet its more good things . Be kind and steaddy
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Thanks so much @Naturehippy you really bring tears to my eyes and this website really has been such a saving grace to know Im not alone in this terrible struggle. We both can do it girl, we can get better. The panic attacks only happen in result of my drinking and the guilt i feel after but I will definitely try Kava, I feel like I may have heard of it but will take any suggestions or positive input. Im here for you lady if you need to vent please dont hesitate to reach out to me. We can do it together. Keep your head up and much love and hugs your way…
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Thank you so much @Cobaltchris you have helped me through so much already and Ive never even met you. Thank you for your kind motivating words of encouragement. I truly love all of you so dearly as we fight the good fight every day. Much love and respect… thank you
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Truly! If your on instagram look me up under @naturehippyhi I’m trying to get a sober social community of girls like ourselves! Sober selfies and all 
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Yay! me as well! I will look you up right now thanks girl!! I need a sober community sooooo badly. My ex asked me the other day if I had any sober friends at all and it was so scary to admit that I didnt have any at all. Ill look you up girl thanks!!
I think i just sent you a request 
thank you so much @Oliverjava! I have been Journaling and writing down positive thoughts to keep me motivated. I just have to get back to it and start from scratch. I will beat this with all that it takes and everything I have to give. Thank you so much! This place keeps me strong and motivated when I feel at my most weakest and most vulnerable. Thank you
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I’ve relapsed a lot of times as well so just like you said. Pick yourself up and keep at it. Wondering do your friends know that you’re trying to live sober? Some of my friends ask if I mind if they drink around me and I tell them no. Other friends doubt I’m committed, but don’t ask me to come out for drinks. In fact their doubt fuels my passion for this new commitment to sobriety I’ve embarked upon.
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Your very right @alpine_1975 If they are true friends they will understand and not put me in a predicament that they may know I have a possibility of faltering at. The majority of my friends do know that Iam working on my sobriety and are kind enough not to judge but then there is also they exact opposite. It does give me the motivation to continue to fight the good fight. You are very right.
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You are not alone and I know the dread you feel. I’ve been there way to many times. You can do because you want change or you would not be putting in the effort to fight against! I know there is no magic remedy but you are a wonderful person. Everyone has faults and demons but you are working on yours and that is a awesome statement.just be strong and start again I have faith in you.
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Hey @Shelbyeriss, I know all about the panick attacks and anxiety… the sweats and the shakes. I don’t know where you are from if you have free detox facilities, but see if you can find one. I finally went and they got me cleaned up. I’m on day 16, 7 of those days in detox. If there’s no detox where you are, keep reading through the forums or go to meetings. I’ve met so many people who know our story. I’m starting to feel better by keeping myself busy going to meetings or reading through this. If I can do it I know anyone, including you @Shelbyeriss.
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It has happened to all of us. Some of us it happens over and over again. But never give up! Each time we start over we have the chance to finally get it right. If we give up on it we will continue to spiral out of control and we will never get the satisfaction of beating this disease one day!
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@shelby i am the same way once i have one drink. i cant stop it sucks esp. If i am out at a bar or club with friends. So i am quitting , even though this is day #2(that i am sober) but i can do this… Its just mind over matter… I bet u can too if u apply yourself well enough. Good luck shel
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Thank you you so dearly to all of my beautiful survivors. Reading everyone’s post really made me understand we have all fought to hell and back but we are the ones choosing to make a positive, healthy difference in our lives. I have NEVER EVER wanted something soooooooo badly in my life. To be free of my destructive demons that only want to harm me and torture me. I dont want that. I want the beauty in life, the healthy positive, constructive determination to be the best individual I know I can be. I do accept I’am starting extremely late in the game. Ill be 32 in January and have not accomplished much in my life but a whole lost of not caring, partying and endless destructive patterns and I dont want that ever again. I want to be the person/daughter,friend, lover that makes people proud when they same my name. I just have alot of making up to do. But you are right guys where there is a will, there is a way. We can all stand tall and do this together. No one should ever have to feel alone through the pain and struggle of addiction. No one can ever judge us because no one has ever been through what we have been through or seen what we have…
Cheers to a positive new day… one step at a time… one beautiful moment that we are all so blessed to still have the opportunity to see another day…
Love you all so dearly…
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Its never to late to try change , Even you are 32 or 65 . Thats a fact 
atleast you are willing to do so thats important. Willing to make a change for you and your souroundings/ fam . This is one of the most radical changes we can do .for good reason! changing leads to good mindset, good actions , change of heart , it changes everything. Love it, embrace it and live it
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Hi I could write this myself x we have no control none . Even if we think we have we can’t have one , not even if we stay away for years x that one is downwards
I was sober for 5 days then thought j could have a night out Wednesday turned into drinking Thursday and Friday and Saturday as you don’t want to feel that hangover or hit reality you just want to stay drunk its day one for me and I got to do it you can do it too xxx lots of support on here
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@Selenadv Yea I can understand that ALL TOO WELL!! Its that one that turns in to the next day after day after day and then you drink to dumb the hangover and then the guild and then the anxiety. Essentially you are just drinking to completely numb the pain and disappointment of the harsh truth of reality. That damn you did it again… for the millionth time. I do feel myself the strongest I have been in a very long time, so i know that is a vast improvement. I know what I want my priorities to be and what i want out of life, even if it isint the easiest battle at least I have become clear headed enough to recognize what I want out of life and to continue to FIGHT even if i do slip and fall a couple of times along the way. We can all do it and and we are all in this together…Congratulations on day 5 and cheers to 6,7,8,9 and so on and so on… stay true to your self and never give up.We will beat this demon!
xoxoxoxoxo
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Don’t give up!! Today is my first day… I know how you feel with the panic attacks. I have Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia… For me drinking has always made everything better but AFTER drinking is the worst… hugs
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