I went from NA all day; into someone who lost her way.

Life in Recovery
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Hey there everyone , my name is Corinne and need (SUPER NEW….seconds old) on here. Lol. But i really need to go through woth my goals I’ve planned and stuck too up until about a month and a half ago….

I moved from my old towm, cut all emails amd socials and got a new phone number. I settled down and finished two programs (my DUI and my IOP) and while co-hosting 5 days a week on my OG zoom meeting from a couple years ago…… i suddenly have this DROP in enthusiasm & Motivation in obtaining these literally last things I needed to get done for my security and support through out my new life and place of RECOVERY!!!

 I have the time, I have every good reason, and all I have to do is START and I can’t find that urge to get it. 


I think the worst part is knowing how vital having that kind of supportive base around in places where you’re always reminded to be grateful of this day, and then live every single  second of it. Remembering experiences of all our many trials, errors, truths, successes, and even that epic pit fall we all remember so well are things i know I need in in my life, and ive satisfied that need without any slack for 5 years (both during and after relapses)  So why, no matter how silly or BIG im making this out to be, am i losing none of my refined characteristics changed? Im born depressed at all, but im painfully lonely being alone all day; living with a partner who tries to be there, but has never really BEEN there. So I never tak about how i feel in sobriedy today. Because im cutting myself off and its weird and confusing to me so im trying something out here and hoping that somebody read this massive message with only a tiny question inside and give me some personal advice. I’m a sucker for mediphors too! In fact, if anyone has a favorite one they adore….id love to add**strong text** them to my own collections I write down when an actual person tells it to me with true intent to help. Hug: thank you!
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I love metaphors too. I’ve always loved poetry.

Recovery is a boat powered primarily by oars, and some sail power, when there is wind. It’s a longship with a sail, like the ones the Vikings used for centuries.

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The people in the boat are working their recovery program in a sustained, thorough way; they’ve been putting in the effort to learn and grow for long enough that they are safe and sound, in the boat. They recognize that there is no recovery without community, and that staying on the boat requires effort: everyone on the boat has a job to do, so that the team moves forward. Sometimes, if the boat is in the right position, there is wind, and the boat gains speed and covers more ground. It’s necessary to rest at times, of course, but overall, life on the boat is about community and teamwork, and while there is lots of effort and it is sometimes exhausting, it is also fulfilling and there is joy and connection and empathy and companionship.

Not everyone is in the boat. People who are in early recovery - the early stages of getting sober and clean and clear; the point where your focus every day is just on 24 hours of staying clean, because that is all you really have the attention or energy for - those people are holding onto ropes attached to the boat. They are holding onto the rope for dear life, because they know if they let go, they fall back into the open waters of active addiction, with no rope, no flotation device, nothing to prevent their inevitable drowning.

This stage of holding onto the rope of recovery lasts for months, at least. For some people it lasts years. (It doesn’t matter how long it lasts. It’s not a contest.) It is a stage which is focused on one thing and one thing only: not letting go of the rope. You do simple things, basic things, and you don’t spend time overthinking or analyzing; you only hold onto the rope. You attend meetings. You make calls. You do simple service acts, like joining a more experienced person on a visit with other people in recovery - community visits - or serving coffee at a meeting. You read quit-lit (literature about quitting, about recovery). Simple things.

There is no end point, because the boat is on a life journey: it’s an adventure, it’s exploration. The safe place to be is on the boat, and as a person in early recovery, that’s the goal: hold onto the rope, slowly pull yourself closer to the boat until you can climb aboard.

Welcome to Talking Sober! :wave:

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I get this. It sucks, because that sense of momentum from earlier seems to disappear. I know the feeling :cry:

Start what? I’m curious about your goals :thinking: :nerd_face: :innocent:

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Thank you for this Matt, I needed to read this. Welcome @RinTinTiny , it’s nice to meet you. I’m really glad that you found this place. It is a great forum with lots of knowledge and support. I wish you well and look forward to seeing you around :pray:t2::heart:

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Ive got Viking blood according to my DNA test

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That explains the 36 years of sobriety my friend. Fiercely sober!

giphy-downsized

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38 this sept Matt

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