I didn’t sleep well last night. It was ultimately my fault. I didn’t participate in my evening routine: cup of tea while reading, check last second messages on TS, and roll over to turn the light out.
I only got a few, restless hours. At one point, I had a dream about Trump. But Trump looked like himself, a carp, Jubba the Hut, and CGI simultaneously… so… basically just Trump. Nevertheless, it was disconcerting. I don’t like that I can’t escape him even in my slumbers. I’d take the nightmares over him again!
At another point, I was too awake to sleep and too sleepy to do anything other than look at my phone. I was researching different sexual orientations. There was a time I thought it was absurd and excessive. I reduced everything to the L, G, and B. For me, you either liked 
, 
, or both. I’d laugh that I was “old school gay”. Although I still believe that foundationally, I realize that it was myopic. And, I’ve never substantially nor essentially identified with any of the letters. The closest thing I could think of why bisexual. That wasn’t ever posited as an option though. My whole childhood through adolescence, I heard you’re gay and you’re not gay. So, in my early 30s, I settled on bisexuality. Yet, it wasn’t quite right. I felt this twinge of self-betrayal.
I’m not automatically sexually attracted to women; moreover, objectifying women is anathema to me. To even consider if a woman could be a possible partner would fill me with shame. This has been for a couple reasons:
1.) They are beloved daughters of God who’ve been wonderfully and fearfully made in the image of God, and deserve the utmost honor and respect.
2.) Although I can, and do, see and appreciate beautiful women; I don’t default to an arousal. If anything, I want to draw and paint them!
2.a.) Because I don’t feel automatically aroused, and have to feel a deep, emotional bond in order to pursue any encounter, I am shamed into feeling less of a man.
So, bisexual didn’t quite fit. I didn’t realize, however, that these— I’ll call them major letters— were umbrella terms! 8 billion people in the world, of course there are subcategories! Duh! (I should have had my V8!)
To my great delight, I have found the orientation that fits PERFECTLY: homoflexible. Not only does this describe me, it’s also a fun wordplay (and that pleases my logophilia so much that it stratches my brain when I didn’t know it itched).
I also wanted to lie around today. Yesterday and today have been pluvial, as will tomorrow and the next day. Lack of sleep, disrupted routines (because now my morning routine has been botched), I just wanted to sleep, waste time on my phone, sleep, and feel bad about myself.
Yet, I didn’t!
I took the dogs to the park. While it rained, and both dogs had a blast playing in it, I walked around and prayed my rosary. When we were all adequately soaked, we walked home and I got them settled in. I knew that if I sat/laid down, regardless of how “productive” I was going to convince myself knitting and listening to an audiobook is, I was going to become more internally disrupted. So, I thought: why wait to do the Couch to 5K next week? What’s wrong with today?
Since I couldn’t argue against it—I went to the gym and did Day 1 of Couch to 5K!
Y’all
I RAN!
I ran while the news played in the background about Iran!
(I didn’t watch or hear it. )
I didn’t run fast, far, or long.
But I ran!
Something I’ve dreamt about for a long time!!!
My lungs are so SO sore. But I’ll get this gunk out of ‘em sooner than later.
I have earned my sit down.
So here I am.
Sober, sore, and freshly showered. 
). Then SOMEONE 
challenged me to participate in an awareness campaign against human trafficking. What was the campaign you ask? A running event. I chose to do 10 km (6,2 mi) and started training 6 months in advance. Didn’t really think I could make it, it wasn’t always “fun” but I had a holy determination. I did make it. My time was shit but who cares, I finished something I NEVER thought I could do. You just need to start slow and give yourself time.
wait i Check it Out
I have never heard of the term homoflexible. What does that term mean exactly? Im always interested in learning 
