How is it going today?
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I’d pay attention to your toothbrush 
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78 days smoke-free
42 days nicotine-free
Today’s is Ohio’s primary election. I feel 24% bad for voting on the Libertarian ballot because the Democrats need all the support they can get…since voting for anything other than Republican or Democrat is considered “a wasted vote”. However, I have to vote according to my conscience.
I’ll definitely vote Democrat during the next presidential election…probably…maybe… for sure, absolutely!
I also have a HUGE WIN for me:
I picked up my little sister and took her to the Social Security Administration office with Jo and me. I filed to have Jo removed as my rep payee and elected to be directed deposit or have my little sister as my rep payee.
It’s a government office. It takes forever to not have anything answered or solved there.
I was in and out in literally ten minutes…
I’m getting it DD to me starting next month!
That’s a huge victory in reclaiming my autonomy.
It was good to see my sister. I vented and she listened kindly. We’re planning on Pride hopping next month and I’m stoked! Paint rainbows all over me and find me in an alley somewhere… that’s not true. I’m above alleys now. 
I’ve graduated to public bathrooms, maybe even an EconoLodge for special occasions.
In all seriousness, I’m so excited! I haven’t been to Pride in foreverrrr (the one downtown in almost 2 decades!) it’s weird being old enough to say that and it not be ironic!
I’m super tired.
I might reread this and delete. Idk.
I hope y’all are having a blessed day! Am I still battling loneliness? My yes.
Did it swallow me whole?
Probably.
I’m hoping I’ll be a jagged little pill, though.
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As an outsider who briefly has tapped into this forum (as a lot likely do), you are extremely impressive. Constant show of knowledge and skills learned over very hard experiences thru life and therapy. Sincerely, inspiring. Your drive to be yourself through and through, to cheerlead on yourself and others… idk. I don’t think I’ll be on this forum much longer, but I do not think I will be forgetting you ANY time soon. It has been a joy to read your Touchstone and I feel honored that you have been so interactive with my posts. TS has proven to be a really warm place - you have proven to be the warmest contributor for me. If I do go, I wish you all the best. If I flip or turn porn sobriety into a fucked up yoyo diet of sorts… just take this whole message as the weird “see ya” followed by us both heading the same way to get to our cars.
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I warned him a couple months ago.
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Bruh! It’s worse than that—it hasn’t even been a month.
Literally I thought… damn, @JasonFisher was right.
So.
Hey, you were right. Crazy bitches have things for sabotaging hygiene products. 
I’m going to go to the store and buy a small tube of toothpaste and I already have a bundle of new brushes…I have to start hiding it all. 
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79 days smoke-free
43 days nicotine-free
I reset my PMO timer again. This is going to be tedious getting out of this cycle again. I find immense strength in knowing that I did it for over 3 months! I can’t blame the weather, I managed even when it was below freezing and there was snow on the ground. I can’t blame it on environmental factors, I have a safe space in my studio. I can’t blame it on anything…
Side note: this is how my brain works; as I’m writing this I keep singing
blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol
…I can’t blame it on anything other than my willingness to acquiesce to my addiction. I don’t think that’s a fair estimation either. There is a willful participation in it. For, I didn’t need to PMO last night. I didn’t even want to, yet I didn’t even put up much of a fight. The thought occurred to me and I went… well, there’s no point in trying to fight it… and off to bed I went.
I am going to start getting my disability checks in my own account. I no longer need a rep payee! 
I spent a couple hours with my little sister. We vibe so well. We both needed alone time to just be silly and connect. I learned that she’s bisexual. I found out via text and had to explain to that bitch that 1.) I’m so mad she didn’t tell me sooner, 2.) and not via text, and 3.) sparkly siblings for the win!
We are planning on going Pride festival hopping this year. I haven’t been to the downtown Columbus one in foreverrrr. So, I’ll go with my nephews to the Worthington and Marysville ones. Those are smaller and family oriented. The downtown Columbus one?
She and I are going to go with some of her queer friends! She is an exhausted Mama who’s working herself to the bone… I said leave them boys at home with their Papa and let’s go dancing again bitchhhh!
We used to record videos of us dancing. Most of them are super cringe. She said she should upload them on TikTok and we can be viral sensations…
If it pays my rent? WTF cares how cringe! 
So, I’m excited about next month. I want to see how much free shit I can collect from the booths. Make a Gay Bingo card and see who gets the first bingo… I’ll have to think of a prize. 
My personal favorites are rubber bracelets, Mardi Gras beads, magnets, and clips. Those are easy wins.
I have to find a picture of me at the last Pride so you can gauge what to put on your cards.
I’m going to finish my morning routine…
It’s going to be cold and rainy this week. My initial response is to be unappreciative and complain; but, then I remember my Mom doesn’t leave the house when it rains. And with Jo’s multifarious unverifiable diseases and disorders, she stays in bed…
So THANK GOD FOR CHILLY PLUVIAL DAYS! 
I think I’m going to treat myself to a book today. I’ll curl up in the garage and read while I listen to the pitter-patter of the rain…
and read… for about a page-and-a-half…
You all are beautiful people.
I love most of you so very much, I tolerate the rest.
Here’s a gauge to know where you fit into my heart: if you’re struggling with an addiction—I love you very much.
If you eat pineapple on your pizza…
I’ll learn to forgive.
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Both parties suck. They are there to keep us arguing with each other. It’s a scam
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Here’s the latest BS with Jo.
She’s come with me to my gastro appointment. Instead of giving me gas money and money for my copay, she’s clutching into whatever control she can.
In the car, she proceeded to tell me a memory of her doing something that did not involve her at all, and was in fact me.
I pretended like I was hearing this for the first time.
Bitch, you all of people should know how fucking insane I am. I’m going to use your own gaslighting against you.
There was something else on the drive…but I have to try to remember. I was dumbfounded and went into a fugue for a moment. I’ll download more JOBS later.
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My favourite post will be when you get to flip her the bird while leaving for the last time.
Till then my friend keep being true to yourself growing and evolving. You have massive amounts of heart and strength.
The growth you’ve shown in the environments you’re in are nothing short of amazing.
if ive said this in a previous post im not sure and im not scrolling back to find out.
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There are times when I don’t want to do or say anything —just leave quietly and not look back.
Then there are times when I think I’d hug her and thank her for the crazy adventure.
Then there are other times I think I’d take a massive dump, not flush, and tell her I left her the last gift as her husband in the bathroom and leave.
Idk.
It all depends on the day.
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You might want to get a locked box for your toiletries. I’ve seen way too many YouTube videos of people pranking their bros and partners by drizzling little chilli sauce into their aftershave. Or shampoo.
Not me, though. I know it wouldn’t teach hubby anything 
For the record, it’s not only girls that do that.
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To whomever flagged the meme I posted on my thread, I want to thank you for the laugh.
Also know, you’re a Karen.
You don’t need to identify yourself. Knowing that you suck joy out of the world is enough. Besides, people can feel that energy when you’re around.
Please be advised that since you’ve decided to come essentially to a journal and then get offended by a journal entry; I will go out of my way to post 1 offensive thing a day on my Touchstone.
If I get kicked off TS, so be it.
I will not be bullied nor silenced because you have the emotional tolerance of an infant.
So, here it is again:
(Deleted by moderator)
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I will be stepping away from Talk Sober and withdrawing my patronage.
I will not be censored on my own thread.
I have stepped around things that have offended me because I am an adult. I can control my emotions and will allow others room to express themselves.
I’ve read anti-Catholic comments and didn’t flag any of them. That’s their perogative.
I’ve read material that was homophobic and misogynistic and didn’t flag it because again… not my place to educate an idiot. They have their right to express themselves, especially on their private thread.
Someone, probably French or French Canadian because they seems pretty on brand for the “racist” remark I received, came and flagged a meme and a moderator said…yep…fuck his freedom of speech. Who the fuck does he think he is? This is a safe space for everyone.
No.
Safe spaces are illusions.
The memes page has materials that show smoking or drinking.
People make triggering remarks all the time.
It’s the nature of the forum.
I’ve carved out a little space just for me. And it had to be ruined by someone who likely has a lifetime of broken relationships because of their deplorable personality and lack of Interpersonal effectiveness.
They, as well as the moderators, had to make sure they let us know that nothing is actually ours.
Like our governments today, they will make every effort to demonstrate we have privileges and not rights.
Well, I still believe in liberty and freedom even though it’s being stripped every single day.
So, I’m leaving.
Don’t tread on me.
Thank the Karen and @Misokatsu.
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To make two things clear as a moderator.
Images of smoking / drinking / posts involving sexism, homophobia etc, are also against the rules. Any members should flag them and the moderating team will address them.
A personal thread on this forum is still subject to forum rules. So are pms.
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Don’t leave. You need this place. And we will miss you.
The moderators have a difficult job and are fair.
They put up with my offensive self when I got here. I pushed it to the edge of getting banned.
I’m much more mindful of others than I used to be.
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I hope you dont leave too.
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I also hope you stick around!
Why give the person who flagged you this much power over your life? Remain in spite of them. Show them a little flag won’t stop you from coming here to provide and receive support 
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I hear you. It might even be a good idea to take break IF it doesn’t put your recovery in danger. I used to do that too when I was angry with the forum.
Were you active here when the forum had “politics wars”? It was around one of your elections. It got really nasty so politics was banned altogether. Which is understandable but sad that we can’t human. Moderators remove such content no matter what/whose thread. So there is a chance the flag was nothing personal.
Again, feel free to ignore me if this doesn’t fit. You don’t have much freedom in your real life space and that sucks, big time. Could it be that facing restrictions here might be stirring up some of that frustration? I’m not here to invalidate what you feel. Just offering another viewpoint.
In the end, we are all here to recover. Your contribution to it is priceless. You have such an encouraging way of speaking to others and your sharp humour can be refreshing. Your voice is heard. Take what is good and life bringing. The rest is just noise in comparison to recovery.
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Please, don’t leave, Mark. We need you here.
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