Hey, I’m sorry about your friend, that really sucks.
Your post resonated with me a lot; I’ve found that the more sober days I get, the better I get at hiding my hard days behind a smile, I need to be more open and vulnerable again and this helped me recognize that. Thanks! `(∩_∩)′
Grieving is good, but sitting in grief is bad. I’ve been around long enough to have been to quite a few funerals so at this point I’ve learned to basically accept the outcome. But I have some really good friends who have not been through this before and I’m legit concerned they might go back out. These people have multiple years sober and they are still very close to losing it. They have solid programs and a higher power and a fellowship. These things are the only thing saving their lives right now.
What won’t save them is will power, or remembering the past or thinking they “got this”. That thinking is so dangerous and yet it’s preached here like it’s all we need. For those of us who are true alcoholics and addicts (which really isn’t that many people here from what I’ve read) we are only an arms length away from a drink. One bad day away from dying.
I’m very happy for the people that can come here and get all the help you need. That’s seriously awesome. But for us chosen ones, the truly hopeless, we need more and to suggest otherwise will surely kill us.
I feel your pain through this post, and the message that you are delivering will undoubtedly help so many people if they head your story as the stark warning that to many of us it is life and death,
I hope you can find calmness in the soul through this very difficult time…
I understand that “I got this” or “you got this” can be a false sense of security and may well lead in to a relapse quiet easily. Being in the UK we say “you got this” for many different reasons basically meaning in our society that you can do this, even “I got this” meaning I can do this, I can do that for you, I’ll pick up the bill etc etc. I’m aware of the society difference and there for I’m more mindful of what I actually write. I’m not defending anyone by any means, some people just don’t think and do write it in the way that you have pointed out.
Anytime you want to pick up my dinner bill you certainly “got this” 
Will do, when I get a job again. I’ll fly in just for dinner
We have a real shitty airport just FYI, but if you ever fly stateside dinner is on me. And the meeting coffee is always free!
No doubt in my mind that I do not have another recovery in me. The sure outcome of me picking up again scares the shit out of me - and yet I know how close to the surface those old thought patterns lie. After fucking up for almost half my life, I will do just about anything to stay sober today.
I’m planning to go to New York for my 40th birthday with my sister, so you will have to wait just over two years for that coffee 
I feel you @MoCatt. I can’t relapse, if I ever were to pick up again I would definitely loose my kids, I was really lucky not to on my last relapse, if my kids were gone you can bet I’d soon be gone from this earth too, it just doesn’t bear thinking about
Right there with you, my friend.
Zombie thread:
If you are struggling please reach out to anyone. I had to bury a friend because he didn’t reach out.
You’re constantly teaching me lessons Derek. I am glad I have bumped into you here. I’m sorry you’ve lost your friend. Thank you for sharing.
Sex/porn addiction doesn’t usually carry the same inherent risks as substance abuse. My brain is constantly trying to justify that acting out will not hurt anyone. While heroin addiction is a circle of hell that I know nothing about. I see so many parallels.
My circle of hell is apathy, loneliness, and a definite conveyor belt through a life of objectification to be deposited into a grave where no one mourns my passing because I haven’t bothered to make/maintain any meaningful relationships. Death isn’t usually waiting around the corner if I fall back into acting out. I’m seduced and distracted while everything in my life falls apart. To the point that death feels like a welcome escape. I’ve begged for it, I’ve held a gun to my head a few times, I’m not even sure how to explain my presence today but for the crumbs my HP left me to follow.
Not to poach your thread, just wanted to show my appreciation for your message.
Don’t discount the amount of pain your DOC can inflict. Depression and loneliness can led to suicide in cases where people don’t find recovery. Stay strong my friend. Addiction is bad, no matter what the addiction is to.
I’m always here for ya, pal. You are never alone 
No words 
Thanks Ariel! Really doing ok, just trying to speak out for those struggling with sex-based addictions. Correlating the things we all share as addicts.
I’ve had substance abusers compare their addictions to mine. Compare their pain to mine. They’ve written me off and delegitimized my addiction. The pain may not be the same. But it’s pain nonetheless.
I know you’re always in my corner, and thank you for that.