What @Chad_R says. I tried and failed too many times to count by just trying not drink. Or “white knuckling” it. There was no hope or joy, only a sense of loss and failure. Only once I decided I was willing to stop killing myself, that life was truly worth living and I would have to constantly observe my feelings and reactions to them did I truly start to get better. I had a boyfriend ask me once “why do you have to be on something all the time?” I couldn’t answer at the time. 15 years of active addiction later, I could answer him now.