So this is all new to me. I knew a long time ago i had a problem, even when I was pregnant I still drank wine. I dont drink every day, but I have NEVER in my life made it more than a few days without drinking. It got even worse last year when my dad died. I have had an OWI, drove drunk with my son multiple times, i missed school or work, I have not picked up my own child, the only thing in this world I truly love, because I was drunk. I feel pathetic, and still somehow I tell myself i must be crazy, I’m not an alcoholic, i work, i go to school, i work hard and i dont drink every day… but when I start I cant stop. I cannot be at any social gathering without getting pastered… yes even my two year olds birthday… I hate myself, I’m embarrassed, i feel like the worst mom ever, i cant believe some of the things i have done… but i dont know… somehow I have ended up here… i just dont know what to do next…
I did a lot of things I am not proud of while drinking. I drove with my kids in the car and embarrassed myself and others while drinking. I was a binge drinker once I started I did not stop until I ran out or passed out. Alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful. I went to AA after not drinking for a few years. We I went back to trying to drink socially I went right back to old habits. I learned that there is a better way to live where I am actually sober. I have met people that are caring and very supportive. The Big Book of AA talks about what alcoholism really is and why we keep trying to control it time after time. There is an app that you can get there is stuff online. You don’t have to do this alone. There is this website and forums that helps. You admitted you have a problem that is the hardest part. You can do this. Just stay sober for today.
Thanks butch! I’m just wondering, did you try AA? Did you find it inspirational, and help keep you on track… I’m scared what if im not ready and I screw this all up, what If I’m judged, what If I walk in the room and everyone just stares questioning why I’m there… I’m terrified
The one thing I can guarantee is that you will not be judged. In my one group we have a murderer who served his time, I’m one of a few lawyers. We have judges and surgeons. Homeless people and the incredibly wealthy. We have all day everyday drinkers and binge drinkers who only drank occasionally but would drink to much. You name it, we have it. You will find someone just like you, and that’s a great gift.
There is nothing to screw up. There is a room of ppl that have gone through the same or similar situations as you. Each one of the people in that room walked in for their first time too. I was scared walking in my first time but each time gets easier. You don’t have to talk or share just listen. If you go to one meeting and don’t like it try another. As me questions if you want. Walking into an uncomfortable situation is easier then carrying the shame you feel. They will help you to set that down. You can do this. One day at a time.
I can totally relate to the mom guilt. It’s so awful. I’m a professional, I’m married, I’m 32 and I have 3 kids under the age of 4. I’ve been sober since Christmas. Ive never been happier and so can you. Only one rule. Just don’t drink.
I’m married, 32, 5 boys (7 yo, twin 5 yo’s, 2.5 yo, and one on the way), I’m a Doctor of Chiropractic. You’re not alone. We all have a lot of issues, but we are not our addictions. You will defeat this, and be an amazing mother again.