I'm a failure and a disappointment

So of course I’m relapsing. It’s quite funny actually that even an episode of a tv serie was triggering enough to do this. That’s why I feel like a damn failure… because I am. I felt this pain just like someone was stabbing me, I’m alone at home so all I can do is drinking, listening to sad music and play my fav video game and cry. I’m an idiot.

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You are not a failure. Why do you keep relapsing? You always feel fucking awful afterwards. Is that pain really fucking worth it? Get your act together Luna. And don’t pity yourself, you made a mistake and now you’ve got to life with it now. Despite the fact that you are not a failure, you need to remember the feeling you have now for next time. I am not sorry if I’m blunt, I am sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you’ve really got to get your shit together.
What is holding you back? Have you not hit rock bottom yet?
I hope it gets better, good luck

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It’s okay about the language.
What I meant is “how fucked up can I be if even something like an episode can be enough to hate myself this much” heh

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You aren’t a failure girl.
Your just tied into a destructive cycle that you can break.
But only you can break it.
Using all the tools you can find.
Hard at first, but does get easier.

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Hating yourself after a relapse is okay, but don’t lose yourself in that hate. Don’t do anything stupid. Try accepting the pain you inflicted. You cannot change what you did, but you can use it as a lesson for the future.

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You’re not a failure. Your current situation does not define who you are. You’re a work in progress and when you finally change your mind about drinking, you’ll see that this is not the real you. Alcohol breaks us down and makes us feel unworthy, ashamed, guilty & remorseful. I can promise you that those feelings of guilt, shame and self loathing will disappear with sobriety. You’ve got to do the hard work and seek out your sobriety. It’s out there if you really want it. I know all of this to be true, because I did the same thing you’re doing right now for many years. You can do this! And you have plenty of people here to help you along the way!

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I know it doesn’t feel like it now,but tomorrow you get to try again have you got outside supppport,as useally we don’t recover alone :green_heart:

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Ahhh don’t say this. You are definitely not a failure nor disappointment. We are all happy that you are here with us! You are not giving up and this is good. Stop drinking. Stop listening to sad music and you will see you won’t have to cry anymore. Have you tried the 30 day experiment by Annie Grace? It might give you a kick start to your path to start your sobriety and to help you keep busy and learn more about your health and alcohol and addiction etc. Please treat yourself good. Go to bed and throw out the alcohol. I believe in you🌻

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As usual thanks for all that support.
I just put away what I wasn’t drinking and put in the fridge what I was drinking before getting too much drunk. I’ll go to sleep soon, guess is better that way…

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Actually Ive never listened about this experiment. I’m trying with SMART Recovery rn but tomorrow after I wake up I’ll go search for some info about it

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Put the leftovers down the drain. Like this you have no alcohol hence no temptation in the house. Knowing not having anything at home calms me down much more than knowing there is something somewhere

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Get shot of the alcohol in the house

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Smart recovery are doing great online meetings ATM wish you all the best

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You aren’t an idiot. You are just stuck inside your own head.

Anyone can get trapped in a negative feedback loop, and spiral down, down, down.

The key to breaking it is to get outside of your mind. When I catch myself getting this way, I stand up, do some pushups, and if I can, I fire up a podcast. Podcasts require ACTIVE listening, rather than music, which is passive listening. When listening actively, your brain turns down your inner thoughts.

Do me a favor: hold your arm straight out and stick your thump up. Now focus your eye on your thumbnail, until it’s clear. Notice every detail about it. While doing this, notice how everything beyond your thumb is fuzzy in view. Keep focused on the thumbnail, don’t allow your eye to focus on those fuzzy images beyond.

Your brain is the same way. Give it a positive thumbnail to focus on, stay focused on it. Everything else your brain is processing will become fuzzy and muted. My “thumbs up” was/is motivational podcasts. Jocko was my favorite, as he recounted stories of people who overcome incredible adversity to succeed. You can choose your own “thumb” to focus on. You can even use your actual thumb.

Whatever it takes.

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Gotta love yourself! Addictions want us to beat ourselves up and isolate. We’re here for you. Don’t let your relapse be like my last one (2 years long). You deserve sobriety, you are worth it.

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Well done for posting and being honest :grinning:

What are you going to do tomorrow? I think check in here and start to think of a recovery program which works for you? We can help with that if you like?

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Oh hell yeah! This’ll be helpful.
Tomorrow I just need to study, I have a really rigid routine

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Your not a failure it’s just not your time. Just trying to quit is a winner in my book!

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I think it probably wasn’t just that specific trigger. There were other things going on, or other things NOT going on (meetings, podcasts, journaling) to make a perfect storm. Analyse and prepare.

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I really hated myself as a person, father and human being during my drinking and relapsing.

I failed a lot. A fucking lot. Relapse after relapse, this is my life thoughts, I’d be better off dead thoughts, life would be better for everyone else if I was dead thoughts.

Then I got sober, went to meetings, IOP, therapy, court. Stayed sober, worked steps, completed IOP… stayed sober. The longer I stayed sober, the better my outlook on life… on myself, began to be.

I’ve been sober about 900 days now and all those I’m a major fuck up thoughts have gone with the wind.

You’re not a failure to me, you’re still wanting to be sober, still coming here regular and reaching out.

Keep your head up, I expect to see you back here tomorrow, sober.

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