Im a failure

Im so so upset with myself. Ive been doing so well in my not drinking but I’ve been smoking weed to cope. Trying to quit that also.

But I just felt so hopeless lately and haven’t been able to stop thinking about drinking.

I managed to talk myself into getting shit faced last night so that I could remind myself why drinking sucks so bad so I would stop thinking about it. I caved and did that. I had 176 days booze free… it worked and I feel like an entire sack of assholes and im completely miserable. I was doing so well. The thought of resetting my sobriety counter is giving me severe anxiety. And now my bracelet with my AF date on it is a lie :sleepy:

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You can’t change the past only the present moment and your actions. It’s not all about the days it’s about the act of being sober, you made a mistake which many of us and more will do within and out of this group so no judgment. But you also learned a lot in those 176 days that you can carry with you into tomorrow.

Hold yourself accountable and accept that you can move forward from this because it’s another lesson. You can do it lady just hydrate yourself and eat some good food to help your stomache for today. Take care and get better, hope to see your days rack back up :metal:

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Well, like you said…now you know it’s not worth it. And you’re still here so you obviously haven’t given up. Beating yourself up won’t help at all so now you have a new sobriety date and you can use all the experiences from your last stretch as experience to keep moving forward.

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Maybe marijuana maintenance is not an effective sobriety regimen. Do you have other tools available? Are your willing to try something different, even putting down the pot?

Motivation, you have - remember your post about puking blood? Intentions, you have. And it seems you have knowledge of what works for others. Are you willing to try this things for yourself?

You are not a failure, but your sobriety program is not working. Blessings on your house :pray: as you move forward to VICTORY!

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Try not to beat yourself up over it.

The addictive voice did a sneak attack.
Use it as a lesson, the addictive voice will say anything to get you to lift a drink and I’ll be surprised if it doesn’t head for the “your a loser” route… (You’re not a loser by the way, tell it to shut up!)

Just remember the lesson and be prepared for it next time. I’m glad you’ve got on this forum to explain the situation and keep checking in and reading, you’re not alone and your AF bracelet still means everything, keep it on keep it going, a small slip doesn’t take you off the track, just right yourself and carry on.

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it’s generally one of the stages to full recovery, we need a little reminder of how shit and pointless it all is. Well done for learning your next lesson :+1:now move on :grin:

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Been where you are…longest time sober up until two years ago was 100 days and was a struggle every day.

Yesterday I celebrated 2 full years sober and it has been worth it and this time has not involved the constant struggle that it was before.

I don’t know why I was able to do it this time … if I did I would give you and everyone else the secret.

Just don’t stop putting in the effort!

BTW you aren’t a failure and neither was I….but I know it feels like it when you are in the spiral.

Take Care

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Hello you can do this shit, put it in your head don’t get bored and you got this, it does take some time but when you finish and don’t crave it anymore its all worth it better life too. Take care

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Aww I so feel for you girl. Sorry to hear it’s been getting tough. I’m quitting weed too right now and all my green eyed monsters are coming out of the wood works and just so much pressure to succeed on top of staying sober from alcohol and cigarettes so look at it like it’s insane how much you’ve accomplished thus far so don’t beat yourself up! Glad to see your back and hope you make out ok :+1: all the best!

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For me, the idea that it would be different this time tripped me up numerous times.
It would usually start out fun. until it didn’t anymore. Even then, I would still trick myself into hitting that brick wall again.

The last time I hit that wall I had about seven months no booze. I felt just like you described. My remorse and self loathing was worse than its ever been. It was a two day relapse. Since then I’ve made a lot of changes. My biggest one is accepting that I’m alcoholic. It doesnt matter how much fun I used to have.

Alcoholism is progressive. Mine has progressed to the I cannot manage it well enough to keep it fun anymore. I concede.

Since then I do something daily to keep me focused on recovery. Participating here, meetings when I can, and spending my booze money on healthy hobbies to keep me busy have helped me tremendously.

Staying away from bars, drinking buddies, and scenarios where there is going to be drinking keep me from tricking myself into thinking It will be fun this time.

It took every single failure to get me where I am today.

This chapter of the big book helps me keep it real.

In recovery you only fail if you quit trying.

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Push off from here. All replies to your post are right on. @Gak, excellent response. I relapsed a lot. Stay on the journey.

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Thanks for the post! I fell like those are my words. I felt like a loser too but starting again one day one.

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You can get a new bracelet. :slight_smile:

I had to do what you did plenty of times. I’m a failure at drinking successfully.

Hope you feel better and wish you the best.

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You made it back here to tell your story thats the important thing, so many others that dont. Glad to see you and thanks for sharing it helps me to remember how cunning and baffling that alcohol can be when we let our gaurd down we can completly be blind sided. Your not a failure just figuring out what doesnt work, take it easy and be kind to yourself my friend. I wish you well, God Bless.:pray:

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One thing that has really helped me is understanding and accepting the science behind self destructive behaviors and the cycle of shame. Knowing that these behaviors have been ingrained into me by my parents and their parents and on and on helped lessen the feelings of failure for me. Understanding that when I feel down I seek out destructive behaviors, and then in the aftermath I feel shame and that shame leads to more destructive behaviors and the cycle repeats itself. Talking kindly to myself when I’m in the middle of a shame cycle helps me break it, like “You leaned this behavior as a young child and it’s not your fault” or “just because you’ve done this thing that is shameful to you doesn’t mean you’ve failed, you can stop right now and be a success” or “this is how you’ve survived when you needed to, but you are capable of change” or “you know that when you come off this bender you are going to feel worse, so if you stop now you will feel better”.

For me I’m a big fan of knowing WHY things happen the way they do and then what steps I can take to change my path. It took me a long time to realize all of this and then even longer to implement and then even longer to actually feel like I was making progress. I’m starting over on day one today, and I have a lot of day ones but that’s ok because I’m getting closer and closer to my goal. Good luck you can do this!

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Thank you everyone♡

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You are here not drinking now. Remember how crummy you felt bc you did drink. Remember all the benefits of not drinking!

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