I'm finding this to be harder than I thought

I have been an active pot smoker for the last 8 years. I had been 68 days sober but two days ago, all I could think about was getting high. I had been dealing with a lot of unnecessary drama and I just needed that release. As soon as I took a hit, I realized that I completely backtracked my progress and began to feel awful which, in turn, lead to more weed smoking. The damage was already done so I thought “Might as well smoke as much as I can today so I can restart my progress tomorrow” so I did and here I am now…2 days sober…I’m back at this ridiculously low number and I know that it’s not about the AMOUNT of days, just getting through each and every day sober, but I feel like trying to quit isn’t worth it anymore

How did you feel at day 21, or day 35, or day 60? Did you feel great, and healthy, like you were on the right track?

Understand that your addict brain is back in control, after being pushed into the corner by your sober brain. Addict brain has been plotting to reassert itself during a moment of weakness or distraction. Now your addict brain is using shame and guilt to stay in control. This is why you feel that getting clean and sober isn’t worth it.

Understand that the addict brain is a master of lies. Push it back into the corner, and make it keep quiet.

3 Likes

@Yoda-Stevie is right. Our addict brain wants us isolated and alone. It wants us to believe there is no hope. It wants us dead. That’s why we have to strengthen our recovery. My favorite motto is “whatever it takes” bc we have to be willing to do anything to get clean. I know when I was using I would do anything for one more fix so I now focus that energy into getting clean.

4 Likes

Are you trying to do this alone? If so, you may want to try joining a recovery program like NA, AA, etc. Being involved in a recovery program with like minded people will give you the resources and support to get you through troubling times without relapsing. I have found that being able to call/talk to someone who also is in recovery and with whom I have a personal, not digital, relationship has been important to my recovery. It’s hugh. This forum is helpful and a good source of support. But social media can only get you so far. It might be time for you to “get real.”

1 Like

It’s not bad…you are HUMAN
I’m on day 82 off opiates and I used pot and suboxone to get off my 75+ pills a day…bit me up if youd like…

1 Like

I think you meant to reply to OP. I definitely wouldn’t even consider doing this alone. I got my meetings, have a sponsor, practice the steps and do as much service work as possible. I pray and meditate daily. My higher power is my best tool.

2 Likes

Try not to focus too much on the number of consecutive days. Yes, you slipped up. Own that and learn from it. But you are a different person on this day 2 than the one on the first day 2 a couple of months ago.

Progress not perfection. You have progressed. Get to it :wink:

1 Like

Yes I did mean to reply OP. I know you are one of the enlightened.

Ha! Thanks for the vote of confidence, but all I do is follow suggestions of people wiser than I. On my own I’m quite bad at this. With a bunch of people guiding my path it’s easier to follow.

2 Likes

Amen. My very best to you on your road to lfelong sobriety. We deserve it.