I hear you @Starlight14, sometimes we just want that escape from the reality that life is hard. You already got so much wonderful support and suggestions, such a blessing right there to be cared for as you are, by so many people. I am glad you vented here vs using at your feelings.
Some things I learned along my journey that I want to share…maybe you get something from it, if so great! If not, that is fine too.
As humans, we seem to think that ‘happy’ is our birthright and ‘normal’ and any other emotion we need to change it (turn that frown upside down) or escape from. I don’t think this is the case. It really is okay to not be okay. It is okay to feel a wide range of emotions. They come and go if we allow them their space to do so. Fighting against our natural emotions creates struggle and unease. Feeling them allows their expression and release. Journal them, cry them, vent them here, dance them out, let them out thru baking, drawing, whatever. Our body loves to emote.
We will have these days…weeks…months…sometimes years, yeah, that sounds nuts, but boy have I had some years. Even within the challenging times there are pockets of bliss and joy. A butterfly, a smile, a warm bath, a good sleep.
Sobriety doesn’t make life all unicorns and rainbows, but it can make us less anxious, more self aware, more centered, more willing and able to be gentle and compassionate with our selves and others. It opens us up to all life offers.
When we strive for only the positive emotions, feelings, experiences we suffer…the grasping and wanting it holds us back. If we can loosen our hold on the need to feel or be a certain way all the time, our bodies can relax a little (and so can our minds).
And relationships…our longest and most complex will always be with our selves. We spend an incredible amount of time considering relationships with others…I have found as I age that devoting more time to my #1 relationship…with my self…heals me in many ways and enhances all other connections I choose to have.
I am glad you are using your self care tools (I know they can feel lost in the haze when we are in the thick of it). Sending love and care your way. Being a Mom on your own can be a lot to bear at times…but waking up hangover and regret free can remind us of all we can and do accomplish each day.