I don’t know what I’m doing or what to say or what’s right to do. I found a pill yesterday day in my stuff and took it that I don’t take it as relapse. But I managed to do I was ignoring previously and just was productive. I guess temptation is of the greatest evil. The illusion that I can control it and use it in my advantage. Can anyone use addiction in their advantage even?
I had a class at university, now I’m going to buy food for my cat in my free time until my next class. Where should I go after I bought the food? I will still have more time. Where am I to go?
Absurd thoughts. Thinking maybe I should buy only a few to see if can control my usage. But can I? Would I?
I hate myself. Sorry for yapping I just needed to talk maybe to my own self
Update: I’m fine. On my way to therapy. Haven’t been there for quite a long time and that’s kinda stressful. I don’t know how to open up or what to talk about. Whatever anyway.
2nd update: stress solved. It was a fun session and I’m back on the highway to hell (AC/DC don’t know why)
I was immediately thinking of the definition of a skill: it’s helpful in the the short run AND harmless in the long run.
I cannot say that my addictive behaviours were anywhere harmless in the long run. Neither drinking, neither disordered eating. The thing is that I have to learn how to deal my emotions, and well at first feel them and let them be there and not running away.
Where should you go? Go to the library and study for your exams.
Second choice you plan your meals for the next week.
Play w your cat (that sounds funny).
Or go do your sport or just for a jog if you don’t have one.
Secondly, I’m an alkie and if I had one shot, that would be a relapse. because mentally I would have allowed it to happen and physically I would have partaken even if one shot wouldn’t get me drunk.
Thirdly no, not anyone has used their addiction to their advantage in the meaningful way. Yeah, SAs get a lot of sex but it costs them their sanity and connection w others, yeah when I drank it helped me to “live” w my insane depression and anxiety, but it hindered me from ever working on the reasons and get actually better, and surely there are a lot of workaholics in top positions, but they’re all running from something and escaping something - just like you (and I used to). Addiction destroys, always. The fact you are not clear on that I’m 100% sure is to do w your situation currently.
Stay here and engage. And read read read read read.
Hi beautiful. Thank you for the time you’ve taken.
I walked and bought myself a lot of books. Now I’m at university. I also took a psychiatric appointment. I’ll go there after the class. [Sending you virtual hugs]
Glad you could fight it this time. ‘I can use it usefully’ ‘I can control it’, these are all tricks we pull on ourselves to keep using. If until now your experience has been that you have negative consequences and you can’t control it, believe that.
Great to see your update and that you are seeking help when needed.
We really can not just moderate or have just one. Our addiction tried to continue otherwise many times.
I have yet to see this. It may start off making you feel like you have more control, you are more productive…etc. but your body is working overtime and deteriorating faster if that makes sense.
Maybe set plans for future when you have free time… Depending on the amount of free time ..
A few suggestions: A walk, read a book, call a friend, play games on the phone, scroll through the threads here, get some errands done.
Wonderful job on your sober time. Look forward to celebrating 1 month milestone with you soon
Hiii. My appointment just ended. The therapist was an interesting person and I liked him.
Back then I went to buy books instead and I’m glad I did.
I’m all fine now. Not gonna drop out before I make it to a month and hopefully longer.
I’m sitting on the street now, it’s windy and raining so I’m happy.
Thank you for your kindness :")
Glad to hear it and your positivity is awesome. You can and will master the milestones. Just have to reach out for help / support when needed (as often as you need to).
You are doing great! I love warm rain…hope that is what you are experiencing …hope you enjoy your day
Also a great day with warm rain for you if possible:") I truly like your own positivity and your own beautiful soul.
It’s warm, although I prefer cold but rain is always appreciated
Whatever anyway.
because mentally I would have allowed it to happen and physically I would have partaken even if one shot wouldn’t get me drunk.
‘I can use it usefully’ ‘I can control it’, these are all tricks we pull on ourselves to keep using. If until now your experience has been that you have negative consequences and you can’t control it, believe that.
