I relapsed, 2 weeks in. I feel so much shame and guilt over it. I thought I was better than this. Bracing myself for all the “you didn’t want recovery enough” and “you didn’t try hard enough” flak I’m going to be getting from everyone in my life.
So the logical step to take next is “stop drinking”. Duh. I’m scared about what I’ll go through during that time. I’ve already gotten back into my eating disorder habits for a few days now, and the self loathing and self harm is on my doorstep. I’m not a mentally sound person. I hate drinking and have to suppress vomit every time I attempt a sip, all day long. But I do it because it seems like the better alternative than staying in my head.
Counsellor, recovery group, psychiatrist, GP, family, close friends are in my corner with recovery. I keep having thoughts like “With this much support and determination, I’m still relapsing. Will I ever get past this?” and with those thoughts come suicidal ideation and increased self harm desires. Going to be talking with my family and doctor about this. But I would really appreciate encouragement and affirmation right now if you guys have any.
I haven’t experienced most of what you’re going through so I won’t patronise you by trying to understand or give advise but what I do know is that you did not need to come on here and tell us all you had relapsed… but you did… you CHOSE to do that. To me this shows how much you still want to get healthy and how important it is to you. You’re reaching out to the professionals as you feel necessary and you’re on here for support. You’ve got it in bucket loads and you are extremely brand for being so honest and outspoken about all these issues. You DO have it in you to get better . None of us are super human. Don’t beat yourself up please becstse that is a road to nowhere. I know as I do it a lot. Massive hugs to you my friend. Get and take what help you need and remember there are a shit load of us in here all in your corner and backing you all the way x
You’ve decided to be better, now be better. You can’t be perfect. Better is the goal. So you relapsed. It happens. Time to escalate. What’s the one thing you could be doing, that you aren’t doing currently.
I don’t go to meetings or work a program. What I am doing has worked for me, thus far. I have promised myself that if I ever take a drink, I will start going to meetings. That’s my escalation.
Keep getting better at getting better. It’s a process.
If I called someone every time I was on the edge of relapsing in one addiction or another, I’m sure there’d be some serious blocking of my number going on. Or I’d be bankrupt haha. International long distance calls on a budget phone plan, Yipes. But you have a point. Sobriety is worth it, whatever the cost.
Medications … Oh what a journey. 16 psychiatric medications later, I’m on regular antidepressants and opioid blockers (they take away reward and pain relief during self harm). I’ve been on lots stronger stuff (including antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, etc) but the side effects have gotten to be too much.
Hangouts and Skype are free alternatives I can use, yes. Unfortunately I don’t have people I can call when I’m tempted in the eating disorder or self harm direction.
there were, at least not to long ago, several users on the forum who were dealing with self-harm. I know there are active members dealing with eating disorders. Just search the topics, and these threads will pop up. check the newest one and start making connections.
You are not giving up, and that is a huge thing. Sending you support and good vibes. You can do this. Don’t spend time flogging yourself for relapsing. That does as much good as taking a drink. Hold your head up high knowing that you want to get better.
That said people are harsh because for example I’ve used the I’m not perfect line as an excuse to drink. It’s not about being perfect or not. You have to value being sober more than the substance and then it comes naturally.
So sorry you have this terrible disease with us all. We can get through it together with support. There is always someone there for YOU. Always. I’m glad you are still with us and so is everyone who loves you. No judgement, we are all in your corner. It’s ok to feel the shame… but then look forward. You continue to get back up again and that says a lot. Also, don’t forget about these numbers my friend. Peace and love! @ifs Lots of hugs to you💕
Hello my friend. I am here to say I support you fully. I will not judge you in any way. Relapses are common but you are not alone My simple message 1 day at a time. That is it. If a day is too much an hour or a Minuit. Also I would not worry a lot about food addiction. Give alcohol a month maybe then add food. Just think if you done 12 years school in 6. You could not do it. Think of it as small manageable steps. I am with you and just for today I will be sober with you. Take care. Your Friend John
You’re trying your best and have admitted to relapsing, would the old you have done that or would you have kept it to yourself. As much as you don’t believe it, you ARE making progress! Speaking to others who have been where you are always helps. It seems funny writing that as I struggle opening up. I shared for the 1st time last night since being back in the aa rooms and it honestly felt like a weight had been lifted by the time I got home. This is just a blip in your journey so don’t be disheartened, accept it for what it is and as long as you learn from it, it was a relapse that maybe needed to happen for you to get where you need to be. Good luck!
I am with you. Sober for almost 10 months and now on day one. This is so hard, but we have to have hope in ourselves. We are lucky for a support system. Can’t do it alone. You will fight this and come out on top. Everyone needs you, don’t forget that.
No worries. It’s a good reminder of where I came from, what I was going through trying to get sober. A reminder of the struggle I would go back to if I relapsed.
I’m worlds more stable and doing so much better now, it’s astonishing how much change has happened so quickly since I finally was able to put down the drink a few weeks after this.
@CaptAZ and @Yoda-Stevie I believe it was this thread, this little piece of history here, where I first began properly considering the advice to escalate, so I’m thankful for you pointing that out here. Tried AA anew and signed up for rehab not too long after this.
