New title: Checking in here when I need to vent or need advice

That’s true, yeah. It’s a society thing. When someone asks how you are you’re supposed to say fine and then they can act like they’ve interacted with you and then go home lol.
Midyears are finally done, thank goodness lol. I actually didn’t do too badly which was nice.
Alright I’m falling asleep while writing this, so I’m gonna go now😆

My family makes me hate myself so much. And now I wanna cut or stop eating for like ever or work out till I can’t move but I can’t do any of that. And I hate this.And I hate everything. Whatever. We all know it doesn’t matter how I feel.

Also I feel really sick. When I hate myself I start to feel really sick and yeah. So now I feel sick and tired and like my stomach hurts and whatever so I’m not having fun rn.

Hey hope you wake up feeling a bit better. I know you’ve got a great toolbox there and I know it’s hard but take out those tools and get through this little while :heart:

That’s awesome that your midyears went ok, well done! Have you got anything else coming up at school to focus on?

I felt better today. But had a bad nightmare last night so I’ve been on edge and kinda freaked a bit today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Yeah, tools are helpful lol.

I have to choose classes for next year, and keep my grades up, but that’s it.

Is finance and business stuff you want to do? The fact that you said keep your grades up suggests are good at the moment which is awesome, the hard work is paying off!

Ah that sucks about the nightmare. It really can throw you off the whole day. Not the same but my alarm went off yesterday while I was in the middle of shouting at someone (my car had been in the garage for 3 days and it only needed a tyre change) and I woke up feeling really angry :joy:

Yeah, hopefully. Yeah, they aren’t bad rn. But I wanna make them a bit better. But yeah they’re ok for rn.

Yeah, exactly. Oof. That sucks!

Not doing too great. Feeling bad that I’m not good at anything. Wasn’t inspired at all, and I wanted to paint so it turned out badly. Also I’ve been really hating on myself and it hasn’t been good. Plus I’m still in pain and my period just started so I’m extra annoyed and in pain. I’m not doing too great.

I’m having trouble. I’m thinking about whether to go to a day program again or not. I’m just feeling bad about myself and idk how bad I am or odf it’s necessary and idk. Ughhhh. I hate thissssss.

Ah it sucks when things don’t turn out as you planned. And even more when everything hurts. But I know it’s not true that you aren’t good at anything and I think from the way you wrote it, you know that too :blush: It’s ok to feel like that though.

What’s the day program? And what’s odf?

It’s the act of doing that counts.

We can be our own biggest critics, and with all the outside negative influences we have to be our biggest supporter. Self esteem is in and of itself something you can change, because it’s for the self, you fully have control and power over it.

Don’t let the haters bring you down. You gotta do you always.

Ugh. Today is one of the days that eating is making me sick. And I’m supposed to be eating more for lunch and I just can’t.

Lol yep. Yeah, I know that. I’m trying to just when I feel bad, know that what’s going through my head isn’t true, even if it’s what I’m thinking.
It’s a program for like mental illnesses like depression and anxiety and stuff. And off was just a typo of if lol.

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Yeah. That’s why I still did it.
Omg yes. Exactly. Yeah. I’m working g on the whole self esteem thing lol. It’s just gonna take some time and I need to kind of accept that lol.

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Always takes time and then it just kinda is what it is. You’re making the right moves, keep making them. Doing the stuff outside of what is comfortable is how the progress is made.

Also my dogs been throwing up. I feel so bad. I wish I could help him. It’s been twice in like two hours. If it happens again, I’m calling the vet, but I’m so scared. He’s my little guy. I just want him to be ok.

Yeah. Hey, thanks. I’m gonna keep trying.
Yeah, that’s true. Exactly.

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OK I googled odf 🤦😂

Well done for practicing that self awareness, I know it doesn’t necessarily make you feel better at the time but it’s so good. Why not get back into the day program, if it’s there may as well take the support.

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Oh no! I hate it when my dog gets sick. I get really worried. But I try and remember that dogs do eat lots of random stuff off the floor so :crossed_fingers: it’s just that he’s had something that doesn’t agree with him and he’s getting it out of his system.

Only one more year. That’s what I have to keep telling myself so I can stay alive. Only one more year until I can leave all of this shit behind and go to college and not be here anymore. Only one more year of my dad screaming in my face. Only one more year of my mom’s mood swings. Only one more year of being pushed into a burning stovetop by my sister. Only one more year. And I have to keep remembering that or I’m gonna go insane. I only have to hold myself together and not murder them or myself for one more year.