Alright girl, here are a few things I’m going to say. Now remember while you are reading this that I’ve been exactly where you are. My abuse wasn’t physical, it was emotional, and it was total. Nearly crushed the life out of me. I really thought it had crushed the life out of me. But I was wrong!
First, go get a job. That’s a huge amount of control you can take in your life. For me, working in the service industry is exactly what I needed and still need. I absolutely love it. I worked in a coffee shop when I was your age and almost all of my customers loved me because I was giving them their much needed morning boost. There were assholes, but I just said fuckem. Can’t make them all happy. The fact that I was making my own money and could decide what I wanted to do with it was the first step in me getting out of where you are right now.
Second, when I say move out I don’t necessarily mean run as far as I did. Just move to a different part of the city. Get space and distance. Take your life into your own hands. Or go live in some dorms or whatever when you go to college. Anything to get out of the current situation. First step in doing this? Get a job. You can’t move out this second, but you can put all this energy towards making your life YOURS instead of spending it all dwelling in despair.
Third, while forgiving people their misdeeds is important in life, forgiving yourself and growing is needed first before you can truly forgive anything or anyone else. The harder you work on yourself the less you will give a shit what other people can or can’t do for you. There is no way to control how people are, what they can give, or how they treat you. No way! You can only control yourself. So take that control and make it the best thing you ever do. That’s all anybody can do.
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but if someone had told me these things when I was your age I would have been a lot better off. That’s not to say that terrible things haven’t happened, they have. But these are some of the first steps to taking control of your own life, and only by doing that can you eventually start to sort the emotional stuff out. Find a place of strength. Be able to say I DID THIS. I live here! I make my own living! I make my own way! ME ME ME! Then you can give everyone else the middle finger or you can CHOOSE to have them in your life. But it will be up to YOU what and who you want in that life. You have so much energy that’s going into such a negative place. Rechannel that energy into making your life YOURS and no one else’s. This is how things happen with the beliefs you have. Send out positivity and get it back. I mean REAL positivity. Make positive choices and positive changes.
I do have a lot of sympathy for what you are going through girl. But there are no kid gloves here. Stay strong and move forward. It’s the only direction life moves. Doesn’t go backwards and it doesn’t stay in today, it goes forward. So make forward work for you my friend.