So whenever I don’t feel like talking, my parents accuse me of being severely depressed and not saying anything. Which I’m not. But anyways. Just a few minutes ago I realised that I can’t care about what they think anymore. I need to accept that they’re not gonna change their actions or words toward me. And maybe if I accept that I’m never gonna get the support I’ve always wanted from them, it won’t hurt me so much when they insult me or don’t trust me. Idk. Idk how to accept that your parents, the people who are supposed to be there for you no matter what, aren’t going to be there for you. Idk how to do that. And I’m heartbroken that I have to learn how. But they blame me for everything wrong and they yell at me all the time. Like if I can just make myself not care whether they’re there for me, idk. I just wanna get better and they’re holding me back. Sorry if that was long and rambling and crazy. I really just had to let it out.
I’m super annoyed. I don’t think my body is working right. I haven’t eaten a full 1600 Calories in over a week and I haven’t been even a little hungry in at least that long. It’s a little worrying. It’s weird. Like today I ate 300 Calories and haven’t been hungry all day and I even worked out and wasn’t hungry after that. It’s really weird. Ahhhhhh. Why can’t I frakka lakkin get hungry??!
My wife eats usually about 1200 calories a day, back before she was pregnant. Just make sure that whatever you do eat is nutritious and not empty calories.
I work at a treatment center for teen girls who have been in your exact situation and painful emotions and behaviors. One thing that I would highly encourage you to do is find one healthy distraction. Art? Creating something? Walking? Pokemon Go? cooking? working? service to others? picking up litter? karate? kick boxing? Plant or bug hunting? Reading HEALTHY books?
ANYTHING that you can do to help you not stay stuck in moments that will make you spiral down and cut or restrict. You have been using a lot of your freetime to dwell on things and it makes you spiral down.
In the end… it will be up to you to decide what you will do to avoid constantly dwelling on the negative.
I would encourage you to let us know what your healthy distraction goal is… and check in when you have made the choice to do that too! because we would love to help you and support you and hear about your progress
I’m glad to see someone who can help with a background in working with these girls. I have experience in self harm personally but never had any treatment. Been in intensive therapy for the last 11 years, but it focused on my past as it relates to substance abuse, anxiety and anger management. I turned to substances to deal with all my problems. I stopped being a regular cutter many years before therapy, around the age of 19, but once the substance addiction kicked in it became angry punching things. It wasn’t often, but it got pretty bad when it would happen. I’m well clear of all that now, but trying to help seems a bit hard without having much experience in dealing with the self harm directly.
I like cooking, well baking. I sometimes work out or do art. Im in the process of getting a car so I’ve been spending a lot of time finding deals and stuff. Idk.
I mean RN, I’m not restricting at all. I’m eating as much as I can without being nauseous. Which is only a little bit. Plus I haven’t been hungry in over a week which is really weird. Like it’s not a restricting thing. Honestly, it’d be easier if it was cause then I could just fix it, but I have no idea why eating enough food makes my stomach upset and it pisses me off when I think about it. Ughhhh. Blech. Ok. That was really long sorry. Just trying to get the point across and words came out lol.
You should join us on Strava and start running/ biking with us! Theres a lot of people there to cheer you on!
I struggle with anorexia myself, message me if you need anything!!
that is hard to not know why food hurts. Have you tried to eliminating some of the problematic foods, like dairy? What can you eat that doesnt make you feel sick. It also could be your anxiety that is making you feel sick also. Just remember when you dont feed your body the nutrients and calories you need for extended periods of time you wont feel well emotionally… its a perpetual cycle. So… what can you eat that doesnt make you feel sick?
I know that in the summer my appetite is almost zero. It’s a combination of the heat and massive anxiety all summer. Sometimes when I eat it makes me feel sick. I drink a lot of Carnation instant breakfast, eating a lot of raw veggies, snacking as often as possible. Sometimes I only eat a few bites, but I make sure I eat a few bites as often as possible.
Mostly fruits and veggies aren’t issues so I eat a lot of those. Pretty much nothing that has any smell tho. Sometimes I can eat meat. It just depends.
Ok. Well, using a calorie counting app see how many calories you are actually eating per day and be mindful to eat plenty of them so youre gettting enough calories. Make sure to have potatoes, corn, bananas, and avacados. After doing that… about how many calories are you eating?
I use My Fitness Pal to track.
Recently it’s been more like 1400, which is good. Not where I wanna be, but better. I still haven’t gotten hungry even if I don’t eat for a day, which is weird, but ah well. As long as I’m eating a healthier amount. I think I’m good now, but we’ll see.
I actually have that but don’t use it lol. I use one called lifesum.
Good! thats a good thing to eat at least that a day. How are you doing with healthy distraction?
Not great. Been really stressed for camp. I left today and am sleeping in a hotel then going there. But yeah. Ahhh. Is a lot but it should be fun. And I don’t have many distrations. Mostly tv and music rn cause I only brought a few things into the hotel with me. But yeah. Not doing many of the distractions😖
sometimes its easy to multi task when listening to music (especially if it isnt uplifting). TV can be good but again… not always reliable to be healthy or positive.
What other things have you wanted to try or that you enjoy?
I’m really liking my camp. There was one time when I was anxious, which makes my gag reflex worse, and I had my retainer in so I almost threw up and got super overwhelmed and left the class. But otherwise, been mostly ok. I just wish I could show who I really am. I can’t tell people I’m bi or ace or questioning my gender or questioning whether gender matters, or that I’m kinda emotionally abused by my parents or that I was assaulted or that I tried to commit suicide and then someone I knew committed suicide only like 5 months later. I can’t tell anyone anything. I constantly have to act like just a normal teenager and it sucks and I’m tired and I just need a hug and I want someone to just see who I am, not the facade I put up. I’m just so tired of putting up this facade. I just hate it and it’s overwhelming and tiring.