I'm sad. When I'm sad, I'm gonna vent in here rather than overloading my friend


#124

That is so tricky, one the one hand it sounds like you can really trust him but then in other ways he is not giving you what you need. I don’t know what the answer is but hopefully it will work itself out, one day at a time!

Glad the new school is better for you. Hopefully it will help with your grades - although they aren’t everything! The fact that you love learning is an amazing quality in itself and if you’re staying behind for extra help that means you’re trying your best which is all anyone can (or should!) ask of you. Plus keeping out of the house is a bonus :laughing:

Do you know what you want to do at college?

I haven’t seen any of the ASMR stuff but one of my friends is into it. I will try and remember to check it out when I’m back home.


#125

Yeah. I’m just waiting. We’ll see. Lol yeah. There’s a college I wanna apply to this year so I really do have to do well.
Yeah, I want to study finance. I want to be a financial advisor to small businesses and startups. Then for my masters I want to study marketing.
You so should. It takes a while to find good ones cause there are so many different types, but yeah.


#126

Sorry I thought I replied to this :woman_facepalming:

College will be really exciting, I’m sure there will be challenges (nothing worthwhile is ever easy etc) but definitely something to look forward to and work towards!


#127

Definitely. I’mma try hard and I wanna make sure I get in so I can leave.


#128

Update. Been almost a month. Ah well. It actually hasn’t been hard not talking to him. But now my one other close friend (he’s far so it’s online) hasn’t been talking much and I really miss him. We talk most days and it’s great but I really needed him today and he wasn’t here and I’m sure there’s a reason, but I’m just really sad. Plus the whole having depression thing doesn’t help. Ah well.


#129

I bet the whole having depression thing doesn’t help! Like you say, probably a reason, hope you do hear from your other friend soon.

How does it work over there, are you back at school yet or on your summer break still?

P.s. I tried looking up some ASMR stuff. I didn’t really get it :joy:


#130

Yeah, lol.
I have no school for one more week.
I had group therapy and individual today tho and it was a lot. It was really stressful. And it made me cry and idk why. I just started crying. I think I’m just really overwhelmed and stressed about my blood test and I was reminded of people who hurt me during group and reminded that I am losing a friend and it’s just hard to hide stuff from people. I always have to remember what I’ve told to who and it’s a lot. So I’m sitting in my bathroom crying now and I’m gonna eat my weight in oatmeal cause that’s the only yummy food I can think of right now that won’t ruin my blood test on Friday. Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far. I just had to talk to someone. Thanks😊


#131

Ah mate sorry you’ve had a rough day. It’s ok to cry when you’re feeling sad and it sounds like you had some hard stuff to talk/think about! I find having a shower helps when I’m overwhelmed/crying (if I’m at home obvs), something about the water washing everything away… 🤷 Good plan with the oatmeal, hope it helped.

Who do you feel you have to hide stuff from?

Looking forward to going back to school?


#132

Yeah. I’m more ok now. Mostly just terrified for my blood test tomorrow cause I’m super scared of needles and I hate it.
Literally from everyone. My therapist, my group, my parents, my friends, my teachers, my coaches, my doctor’s.
Not really lol. Like kinda cause I won’t have to deal with my family as much, but also school stresses me out.


#133

What’s the blood test for? Hopefully it all went quickly, over and done with!

Why do you feel like you have to hide stuff with people? That sounds like it is a pretty big burden to carry. Obviously don’t worry if you don’t want to share it here, you can just say so!

I mentioned meditation before, have you ever given it a try? I have seen people talk about an app called Insight Timer which has loads of free content. I use Calm which I pay for but there is free content. Their 7 day introduction to meditation is ready good to get going with. It doesnt change the things we stressed about but it can help with how we react to things. It took a few months for it to make a difference for me but now I’m in a fairly regular habit, 10 mins most days, it is really helpful.


#134

It was for cholesterol. They didn’t tell me this, but turns out it was a finger prick not a full on blood draw, which would have been nice to know. It sucked, but it’s over now.
Just cause I’ve told everyone different amounts of stuff based on how much I trust them and think they’ll keep it private and stuff like that.
I can’t do meditation. It stresses me out too much lol. But I do have an awesome breathing app called prana that helps a lot. It helps me like calm down and stuff.


#135

Ah so it wasn’t as bad as you thought. Annoying that it caused more stress than needed, but good it wasn’t a full on needle situation!

The breathing app sounds good. The connection to the breath is what I find useful about meditation, like just being focused on right now. The past has happened, the future will happen, the breath is now :pray:

Sorry to hear there’s so many people around you that you can’t trust. Hope school goes ok this week. Just take it one day (one class!) At a time :blush:


#136

Same. That’s why I’m here. It lifts me up somewhat. Just reading the things you all share. It makes me feel slightly less alone. I think it’s just the knowledge / reminder that somebody somewhere, with my same goals, and flaws has undertaken this great challenge along with me. And, it feels better to know this trail has already been blazed, I’m not inventing sobriety. Plus I think, maybe in time I’ll be a help to someone else who comes here for support, the way you all help me. I bit of hope never hurts


#137

Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, breathing helps ground me.
Yeah. I think it’ll be ok. Schools a bit stressful, but I don’t mind it that much.


#138

Same. The whole idea that were all in it together to some extent. For me it’s not sobriety tho, it’s safety and eating lol.
And that’s right. Hope never hurts. Well… I could argue with that but I won’t lol cause I need to believe that rn lol😆


#139

I’m really sad rn. I’ve been having flashbacks again lately. And I’m really lonely rn. None of my friends know about the assault. I think I’m gonna tell my best friend next time she sleeps over. I keep trying but can never get up the nerve, but idk. Anyways yeah. Lonely and flashbacks and they make me scared and sad. And they mess with my mental health cause like I feel like I did back then, which is waaaaayyyyyy worse than I am now so it just sucks and I hate it. And I’m having a lot of trouble controlling eating rn. I’ll forget to eat for a day then the next day I’ll eat like 5,000 Calories. It’s crazy and hard to control rn. And I’m so tired. Sorry for just complaining, but I need to vent. This is kinda a vent the, right?


#140

Sometimes the thought of things can be so overwhelming but hopefully once you get stuck into some interesting stuff at school it will be ok! I’m rooting for you anyway :blush:


#141

The flashbacks sound scary! Is that something you’ve been able to talk to anyone about? Like in therapy?

Who’s your best friend, have you known her a while? It’s good to hear you have someone you feel like you can trust enough to open up to even if it is hard to get the nerve.

What have you had to eat today?

I’m reading what you post, I don’t mind. If you’d rather just vent without me responding you can say so, I won’t be offended :blush:


#142

Yeah, I bet it will. Thanks!:blush:


#143

I’ve mentioned it to my therapist and we worked on it a bit but then stopped after they’d gone away but now they’re back. So yeah.
We’ve been friends for five years, best friends for three. Yeah, I definitely trust her. She trusts me, which adds to my trust in her lol.
I had a peach. And a half a Graham cracker. And some tea.
Yeah, I sometimes like that, but most of the time talking through it or at least knowing someone’s there, willing to talk to me is super helpful.