Hey not feeling great…I got 11 days an relapsed last night so today I’m feeling really low. Why is this so hard? I wish I could click my fingers and be cured now im back at day 1
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You have to keep your guard up and work a recovery program instead of just staying dry if you want relief. It’s not an overnight matter…this is a lifestyle. What triggered you to relapse? Look into the why and how.
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Well ive managed to get a sponcer to take me through the work. I dont no what triggered it I suppose being home alone I can’t sit with myself then the craving kicked in and that was it I was off the shop buying 2 bottles of wine …i just want it to click I need to stay sober to have the life i deserve
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Hey Toni, sorry to hear about your back slide. I relapsed after 72 days before, that really bummed me out as well.
Unfortunately we will never be free of this addiction. There is no quick fix and Not everyone gets it. Not to mention those who think they hav it all figured out usually fall the hardest. I don’t know what will be the answer for u, but I can tell you what has helped me.
I try to remember waking up sick, that is a strong motivator for me.
I also remember being unemployable and being broke. Not a great feeling.
I remember being undependable and constantly depressed.
All these things keep me from going out and getting that first one in me.
Try to keep it simple. Especially in the beginning. If you don’t pick up you can’t get high right? The days start to add up, trust me. And once they do your clean time can be the strongest motivator of all.
Just don’t pick up BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. good luck! 
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You’re still here wanting to fight so that’s the most important thing. Never give up! Being home alone bored is one of my triggers also. Try to find new things to keep you occupied at home. Reading, cooking, going for a walk, yoga, listening to podcasts, or pick up a new hobby that keeps your hands busy ect. We have faith in you, you can do this!
Forgot to add dancing! I love turning up the music and just dancing like a teenager in my living room lol.
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Sorry to hear that but don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s all part of the process. Now that you recognize being home alone and feeling bored or alone can be a trigger. Figure out some ways to preoccupy yourself so you are ready for the next time that trigger hits. I know this is hard. We’re all together in this.
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Being uncomfortable alone is where you’ll learn about yourself with “me time” and will grow. Find things to keep your mind and hands busy (reading, hobbies, taking walks, cooking, tedtalks on youtube)
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The fact that you recognize the slip and are here reaching out is great. Being alone gets me every time. But it is that time that we can give back to ourselves. I have to look at my “being alone time” as my “me time”. That’s the only positive spin I can give it. As a mom I don’t get it when my son is home, so when he’s with his dad it’s forced me time and that just sucks. I went to the library and picked up books about addiction and one by an author named Daniel Amen. They are both good so far. Keep coming back, figure out a hobbie and stick to it. Today is my trigger day, good luck girl. You got this!
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You may want to look deeper at that trigger as well.
What was it about being home alone that was not OK? Why can’t you sit with yourself?
These are some of the reasons I used to have:
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Plain old bored: Luckily this is easy to fix - Do something new and interesting
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Resentful or entitled about being bored: I had feelings like I SHOULD have friends, my significant other’s company or my SO SHOULD have done more to amuse me
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Self esteem issues: Why don’t I have company tonight? Am I not good enough?
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Interpersonal issues: Is the reason I am home alone because I haven’t called my friends in ages? Not looking forward to reconnecting and explaining my lack of being around?
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Life stress in general: When alone whatever we are stressed about replays in our heads
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Stress caused by home alone time: If my house is messy, needs work etc. then alone time is when I become aware that I should really address it and I get annoyed at the work it now presents
If any of these or something similar is really what is bugging us at these times we need to figure out what we want to do about the problem.
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Unfortunately we are wired differently than other people. You have to know your weaknesses in order to stay away from them.
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appreciate this message…i needed read this today so thank you for helping me stay focused. Day 3 here we go… love what you said “if I don’t pick up I can’t get high” this is so true. And I try to think of the consequences before I pick up by the thought is so powerful I can’t always fight it. But just for today I plan to stay clean an sober
Thank you have a wonderful day xx
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Thank you lovely xx
Glad my words helped. One day at a time is all we are capable of conquering. So just keep plugging away. Nobody said it’s gonna be easy, but it’ll be worth it. Stay strong and focused.
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