What up, fam?
This is a controversial little heady so I wanna preface this with a suggestion of thorough reading for context and to take with a pinch of salt. This is pseudoscience, some BS I cooked up in my own head to tackle problems in my life and shouldn’t be taken as Word of God or even as an expert opinion. It’s my experience. It might help. Feel free to disregard at your leisure.
Background: I drank as a social lubricant. I took party favours to feel good and shut down anxious voices in my head telling me drinking and drugging were the only way to get past self doubt and esteem problems. Then I’d overindulge and feel like trash for a week. Natch, I got sick of it. I didn’t want to be chemically dependent for happiness. So I resolved to make a change.
After some self reflection, I created a model to analyse my behaviour, mental state and at the core of it, the decision making process behind what I want and how I achieve it. It has two layers.
The first is Gut Voice or Instinctive Response. You see something or are confronted with stimuli and immediately, in my case in the torso, you feel a pull force telling you ‘I want that’. I see an ad in the paper for a job and I think I’d like to do it. I see people and I want to talk to them. That’s Gut Voice, primitive and raw.
The second layer is Logic Voice or Stream of Consciousness. It’s the voice you use to work out the logistics of what you want and how to achieve it. I see an ad in the paper for a job but it’s for a Geography Teaching position. I have no Geography education. I see people and I analyse their social standing, either from reputation, prior knowledge or visual presentation and calculate whether or not I deserve to talk to them. See where this is going?
The Logical Brain is important. It’s a vital survival tool, the cornerstone of the continuation of our species, but when left to run rampant can often trick us with perceived roadblocks that don’t exist and serve only to trip us up in pursuing the goals and objectives we want.
In my case, the answer was to drink until I couldn’t think or drug until I felt too good to care. As previously mentioned however, shutting down your logic voice can have dangerous repercussions to our health and wellbeing.
So what do I propose? Take impulsive steps to tackle your goals before anxiety climbs up in your grill. Rush to do the things you want before your Logic shuts you down and you grow resentful and miserable at missed opportunities like I did. See a cute guy at a social event? Your logical brain will tell you he probably has a girlfriend or that society takes the stance a guy should take the initiative and it wouldn’t be proper. You leave it. Then kick yourself when your friend announces their new relationship on Facebook, with him.
Your friend mentions a cool event coming up and you want to go but you haven’t been outright invited. Logical Brain tells you if they wanted you there they’d have asked already. You say nothing. The event passes. Everyone has a great time and someone even says ‘You should’ve been there’. Ouch.
If you act on impulse, you do what you want before logic talks you down. In my case, even if I screwed up I came through feeling awesome for having the guts to do something that would otherwise frighten me. It got me clean and sober because I no longer needed those stimulants to push me through anxiety over the things I want. The Logic Brain never got the chance to open its mouth.
In conclusion, emotional integrity was essential to the development of character and wish fulfilment. Being honest about what I want and pursuing those goals as quick as I possibly can has cut out all reason for me to pack a bong or reach for the Jack. Smashing the obstacles or even screwing up and laughing leaves me without fear of failure.
And when it comes to my head telling me a joint would be nice after a hard day, I use my own logic against it. I recall that gut feeling when I first took up sobriety, and remember how much better life has been since taking up sobriety.
Once again, not an expert. It hasn’t been easy. But three months later, I’m at the best place I’ve been mentally in years and toppled all urge to drink. Hope this helps anyone. Best of luck with your own journeys.
