In need of guidence

I can’t do this anymore. The pain it causes me and the emotional distress. I was sober for nearly two years and have thrown it all away. I should of stayed active on here but I apparently thought I could face things again. Turns out I can’t. I want to be happy in myself and the things that surround me. Take joy from everyday simple things. Am I so broken…

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Not broken, just lost.

You’ve been sober before, you can do it again. Do the things you did to get sober before, follow that bread crumb trail right back out of the woods

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I am in the same boat as you. I had about about 968 days of clean time and now I the newcomer. Don’t feel alone in this storm because it’s raining at my house too. I changed my method of administration, so I am glad I didn’t resort to the other method, although I’m on day one, once again.

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Congratulations! I am a believer that the emotional pain that this disease brings us is our greatest motivator for change. I for one am grateful to hear that you know that there is happiness beyond the grasp of addiction before it’s too late! You know that this disease wants to kill you and you don’t want to let it! You’ve completed the first step! Now it’s time to start working on how you talk to yourself. . . Be nice to you. You’re not a bad person, you’re a sick person looking for help. It’s time to get on a spiritual path. Do you believe that there is a power outside of your own consciousness that can guide you and provide strength and support when you feel weak? Try to find that. Try to build a connection with that and trust that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be and that everything is going to be okay. My belief is that addiction is a gift. We find out who we are by experiencing who we are not. There are places to go to expand on this recovery process, and my guess is that if you have had some considerable length of time in recovery, that you know where to find these places. Cut yourself some slack. Tell you that you love you. Stick to people that understand what you’re going through, and be grateful! You’re going to find the courage and the love to overcome this! :orange_heart::yellow_heart::green_heart::blue_heart::purple_heart::heart:

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I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I know I can face the challenges set before me but I lack the stimulus I had at the beginning of my journey. I am on the surface in control this is the face the world sees. Underneath the surface I am struggling falling into my old habits. No one knows as it is a gradual process but I know myself I am slipping fast. Behind closed doors no one sees the tears shed.
Grant me the Serenity, to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

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I remember being on here two years ago actually trying to give strength to others how can I have slipped so far. Do we have to reach rock bottom each time in our struggle. When will it stop being a struggle will it ever or are we forever having to fight

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I know I can but the struggle is harder when there is only darkness. Need the stimulus to re focus but i haven’t found it yet. So it’s the path of self destruction until rock bottom hits me with a bang.

Are you currently under the influence?

Nope, but just struggling with how disappointed I am in myself

Sounds like good stimulus to kick start sobriety

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Been were you are @NatalieE. I feel you!
I was sober for 5 years and then thought I was “cured”. Well we both know the answer for that isn’t it? :cry:
But the good thing is…you know how to do it. You know the things you need to be sober again!
Those 2 years are not waisted! They learned you how to do it. It’s like you were a bodybuilder who hasn’t has trained for a while. He lost his muscles. But when he goes to the gym again he will get his muscles back real soon because of his muscle memory. That the same with us!
I did it again: allmost 1 year sober now.
I still found it hard that I drank after 5 years sober. I drank for 1,5 year.
But I try to look at my achievement NOW. I live in NOW, I’m sober NOW.
You can do it too, be sober today!

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I know I can relate. After 2 years of sobriety, quit going to SLAA. I thought I had enough strength. It was so easy to get back into acting out. Delved into it like I never stopped. I’m not as strong as I thought I was.