I have relapse I don’t know how many times in the last few months. It doesn’t help that my partner is using aswell. I feel ashamed and pathetic. Like I can’t keep my like together. I feel like I want to disappear.
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I am here. Good that you check-in on TS. Whatever you want to share or ask, I will listen. Regarding relapses I can very much relate. The dissapointment, the sadness, the mental agony afterwards. These feelings are very painfull, I feel you.
Hang in there and if you want please share a bit of what happened and how you feel.
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It started 2 years ago when a family tragedy hit. I fell down a deep hole. I started drinking doing drugs anything to numb the pain. I’ve been sober from alcohol for just over 5 months. But the drug use has continued. It doesn’t help that I have chronic depression. I feel like my family would be ashamed of me if they knew how far I have fallen.
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I hear you, it’s a lot on your plate. Don’t beat youself up too much. I remember that sometimes the pain can be so intense and the depression jolt so much sadness that I was absolutely desperate not knowing what to feel or do. Thats okay. Using a DOC and judging myself because of it only added to negative view about myself.
You are here asking for help, that is a good thing. Are you in a save space?
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I’m safe. I just feel ashamed in myself for getting this bad. It is also very hard to get clean when ur surrounded by it.
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Tough indeed, almost undoable when it’s all around. Try to focus a bit on being kind to yourself the coming moments, you deserve that. You fell off, realised, came here, cool.
I needed all my relapses eventually leading to the moment I could finally quit. Also the shame you are feeling now will eventually be usefull to you to as a reminder later never wanting to go back again.
Give it time, you are already lapping everybody on the couch realising what you realise. You will be ok.
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I’ve had multiple partners who have dragged me further away from recovery, I know just how hard it can be but if you want to get clean it may be time to see if they would be willing to do the same. And if not then you have to ask yourself, am I going to prioritize my love for this person, or my own life.
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I am sorry for your struggle right now @Sweetgrean 
So glad you are here.
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I don’t know if we all get the same affirmations on our home screen so forgive me if this is redundant @Sweetgrean. But this was my affirmation today and I think it is worth posting for you. Keep your eye on the prize
of who you are becoming as you get sober. 
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