So me and my boyfriend are in recovery together or at least trying to be. Truthfully I am having a hard time. I feel like he is just so focused on himself he’s forgetting that I am struggling too, I am going through this too. I’ll ask how he is doing but he’ll never ask how am I doing, how am I feeling. He’ll talk to anyone about what he’s going through but yet since this process began I feel like we are absolute strangers. It’s almost giving me anxiety and making me want to relapse! I don’t k ow maybe it’s just me having my feeling come back but I really feel so disconnected to him right now!
1 Like
Agreed. You both are going thru changes and learning more about yourself in the process. Don’t give up!
The only thing you can control is yourself, your own actions. Focus on your own sobriety and getting better as a person, and whatever will be will be! It’s hard enough to focus on yourself during recovery let alone two people- maybe he’s not aware that he is neglecting to consider your feelings and progress. My husband didn’t care that I quit drinking, but now that he sees how happy I am without booze he seems a bit more invested. Sobriety truly is a personal journey- so please use all of your energy to learn to take care of yourself, love yourself, and build a better life!
Sobriety is an individual effort kind of thing, not a team sport. It’s more like MMA. You may have people in your corner, to wipe the blood off in between rounds and shout encouragement from the side, but it’s you who must answer the bell, take and throw your punches.
It’s good that you and your boyfriend are attempting to both get sober, but you each have your own fight. He can’t fight yours for you, and you can’t fight his.
Another thing to consider is if you met while in active addiction, neither of you has a complete understanding of the other. You both will change and hopefully grow in positive ways, but there is a possibility that as you move forward your feelings for each other will change.
Regardless, nothing can make you drink, if you don’t want to drink. It is as simple as that.
2 Likes
Dang. So much wisdom. And I always love a good metaphor.
2 Likes
Thank you and I appreciate all the advice and I get it. I just feel he is using so many other sources to talk to and not talking to me, I know exactly what he’s going through so why am I not a source for him to confide in. I just feel invisible in his process, he has made so many mistakes and treated me so badly through his addiction and he can’t even yet say I’m sorry! I’m sorry but I’m feeling a little resentful. I feel like he is getting a pass because he is sober now and me I just have to carry on with my normal day and just doing it sober. Maybe I’m just crazy but I’m having a hard time.
That is great advice. We talked about that in group yesterday.
What you are experiencing is totally normal! Try to focus on yourself more. When I’m having a hard time I journal, go for a walk or look for a meeting. It is hard to change the way we think, but it is can and will happen. Great job on your sobriety. I hope your day gets better🙂
Maybe he thinks that talking about his challenges will only add to your own burdens.
I am an old-school stoic. My wife unloads all of her worries and doubts on me, which I don’t mind. I’m her rock. Me? I keep my stuff to myself, or seek counsel from my mentors. I do this so as not to be a wobbly rock for my wife to stand on.
Your guy might just be a bit of a stoic.