My addiction that I’m on here for is self harm. I know that doesn’t seem the same as other addictions on here but it was really affecting my life. I couldn’t stop. I used to cut or burn myself 3-5+ times a day, every single day. It was just a given, I knew every day that I was gonna do it. I had lighters or blades in my bedroom and in my car to have them ready. I’d hurt myself in my car on my breaks from work, in my room before bed, etc. It was a routine.
It’s still really hard. I have to make an active choice several times a day not to hurt myself. It’s extremely hard to because it’s how I’ve conditioned myself to respond to my problems. When I’m upset cutting or burning made me feel better. My body is totally covered in scars. On my legs, arms, stomach, wrists etc.
Even though I’ve felt extremely terrible to the point of even seriously considering suicide lately I haven’t relapsed to cutting or burning myself. I’ve made it almost 3 months now
Well done Daniel. So pleased for you.
I know that I had to do the same thing when I first stopped drinking. Make that active decision to not actually use. And sometimes it’s was really really hard.
I say this to help you see that similarities between our addictions.
Also I understand when you say about the scars.
My daughter used to cut herself when she was younger and her arms and legs are covered in scars. She used to be so self conciouse if them.
These days I’ve seen her wear short sleeves and seem not to worry about them. Obviously they are not as raw as they used to be.
Scars can heal Daniel, internal as well as external.
My daughter got Mental Health help. She has done CBT. And other things. She is in SSRI for her anxiety.
She is 21 now and a totally different person.
Strength to you my friend.