I am having a crazy amount of anxiety and a moderate amount of depression. I should note that I’m just on Wellbutrin and Buspar now and more recently stopped Lexapro and Trazodone (was taking all 4). I am having this horrendous anxiety about dying, in general, and just other things like I haven’t done enough in my career, I don’t have enough money for savings and I haven’t started with retirement because I work in social services and it doesn’t pay, that 38 is practically half my life already if I’m lucky. Not being able to sleep because of panic. Looking up what I’ve done to my body, looking at statistics, doom scrolling, etc. Afraid my heart diagnosis I got at 20 years old (cardiomyopathy) is going to take so much time off, even though they caught it super early and I’ve been stable this whole time. The thought of simply not existing one day gives me panic attacks. I can’t escape it and need constant reassurance. I’m closing in on 6 months sober from alcohol and a few months of marijuana. I don’t think this is a threat to that because I’m scared about health stuff. I was dealt so much trauma in childhood and I feel like I got screwed and not getting another chance is bullshit. The fact that it is almost guaranteed that we get one shot and that’s it is so upsetting. Maybe I had all this before, but now I’m actually dealing with it because I’m sober. Please tell me I’m not alone.
Welcome back Trish and congratulations on your almost 6 months.
That is a lot going on up there in that brain of yours. That’s got to be rough. Gave me anxiety just reading it.
After I got sober I got real concerned about my mortality. Still am a bit. But at least in 65. I just started a low dose of Lexapro myself. And I see my psychiatrist once every 6 weeks or so. You must have a doctor you talk about these issues with. I’m sure you’re not alone. One of my troubles is all the chaos in the world and what we are leaving for our grandchildren. Not to mention a shit ton of other bad news that constantly bombards us. I could find hundreds of things to be anxious and depressed over. Life on life’s terms is brutal. But easier sober. That’s for sure.
Anyway….
Gratitude is my strongest tool in my recovery. I’ve been practicing it. Reading it. Writing it. Living it, consistently for 5 years plus now. It’s really retrained my brain. Come on over and check us out on the gratitude thread. Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #9 - #673 by Dazercat
Omg yes i have a huge fear of dying myself. It never occured when i was using drugs/drinking but now that Im clean and sober, i have an immense fear of death. I too have anxiety and had to go on medication aswell. Since being on my meds, it has helped alot. But i also have to help myself with techniques i have learned over the years.
Grounding techniques like the 5 senses grounding technique is very useful.
Focusing on the present moment instead of thinking about the future helps
Mindfullness activities (I like to do dishes while really focusing on the warmth of the water, the feel of the dishes as I wash them. Just really being in the moment)
I want to congratulate u also on ur upcoming 6 months! I think thats amazing!! Hope to see u posting more
Getting a handle on anxious, spinning out of control thoughts is really difficult for me too. The last thing I want to do when I’m all freaked out is a take a breath! There is a part of me that wants to ruminate and give in to the anxiety, that wants to freak out. In order to settle down, I have to ask myself which part of myself I want to listen to? I have valid reasons to worry. But I also have important reasons to choose calming behaviors and put the anxious thoughts on the back burner. Just like I can follow the path about what happens if I indulge in my DOC, I can follow the path of what will happen if I continue obsessing over my worries. In my experience, it leads to nothing good. In fact, it can become quite dangerous as I ultimately start getting too depressed.
So I would encourage to slow down for just a moment and ask yourself what it would be like to choose calming behaviors for just a few minutes. You don’t have to let the worries go forever. Just for a few. What could you do that would soothe your mind for a few minutes instead? Mindfully sipping tea and feeling its comfort and warmth? Reminding yourself of times in your life where things turned out, despite all the bad stuff? Maybe try using some of the same inner resources you used to quit drinking on your anxiety? I’ve found just reading through the gratitude thread on here to be very helpful for me. And it’s awesome your sobriety is still going strong. Keep it up!
