An ex of mine is now with a public figure whose name has been popping up a lot on my social media recently. It prompted me to take a cheeky wee look at her social media, and the first picture was of my ex. It was the first time in 6 years I had laid eyes on his face. He wasn’t the first guy to break my heart, but he was the last - and it was a doozy.
I’m very happily married now, and it’s rare he has crossed my mind. But looking at his face the other night - it seems to have triggered something. I go about my day not giving him a thought, but when it’s time for bed, memories of him invade my mind, and I can’t sleep. When I do sleep, he’s in my dreams, roping me back in, only to reject and humiliate me again. He had a way of making me feel like I was everything when I was with him, but like nothing when we were apart - disposable, forgettable. There was another woman, of course. But it didn’t end there. When it was finally over, I walked away feeling very small and worth nothing.
My drinking was problematic before him, but had drastically accelerated with him which continued long after him. Taking control back has been wonderfully empowering, and I’ve been feeling more love for myself these days than ever before. So you can imagine how inconvenient it is to have this face popping into my dreams and disrupting my sleep after all this time, igniting feelings of anger and frustration with myself, as if I could somehow will it to stop.
Anyway, not looking for any advice really. Just airing it out as I lie here in my bed, unable to sleep yet again.
Anyone else have a ghost from the past haunting them at the moment?
