Hi, I’m new here. My name’s Bailey. I was an alcoholic for many years and then became addicted to heroin for a few more, got clean from heroin 5/28/2019, had a few small single use relapses with heroin and alcohol, and then within the last few months fell completely off the wagon and started drinking heavily and using meth. I drank daily for over a month and then used meth for probably the two or three weeks at most, and now I’m a few weeks clean and sober again. I’ve been hooked on many things in my life and gotten clean/sober from them many times, but I’d never used meth for more than a day at a time because I never enjoyed it, so up till now I’ve never had the pleasure of detoxing from it. What’s been making me crazy the last two weeks is the intense and vivid using dreams I have EVERY NIGHT! This didn’t happen with anything else I’ve used, I had using dreams every once in a while when I was stressed out, but these ones are way different. They all focus on different parts of the using, looking for drugs, being paranoid people know that I’m high, trying to hide my stash, being offered drugs and not having the strength to say no, using without thinking and then freaking out about it, or sometimes just plain old using and getting high and doing high-person-stuff. I wake up covered in sweat and have intense cravings for the first few hours after waking up and sometimes all day long. It’s driving me nuts. I never expected this to happen with speed because like I said before, I never really liked it, but this time around I guess I really let it get it’s hooks in me and now there’s another substance who’s cravings I’m slave to on a daily basis (not self pity, just frustration). Idk if I’m looking for advice? Or maybe just for someone to say they’ve been here too? It’s just really making me crazy, and I’ve got nobody to really talk to about it. My friends are sick of hearing about my substance issues and my family thinks I’ve been sober for almost a year and a half (I feel awful about this). I think I just needed to vent about it and reach out before I go off the deep end again… I still haven’t been to a meeting since I got sober again, and I think I probably should go. I’ve been feeling really guilty about relapsing and I’ve been allowing it to keep me from getting back into some real recovery. I don’t like the idea of having to maintain sobriety my whole life, I love drugs and I’m generally pretty miserable in sober life, but it’s not going to get any easier unless I take my head out of my ass and work on it and make some sober connections and I know that. If you’ve read all this, thank you so so much for listening! Send me some hope? 
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