Irish family, born an alcoholic

Hey all.
My name is Cait. Not sure what I’m supposed to say here. I took off work today because my hangover was so bad yesterday, I couldn’t take a sip of water without throwing up. My body today is shaking, I’m both hot and cold at the same time and I haven’t eaten in 24 hours… It’s funny because I was in this exact same position last Monday. Two Mondays in a row my alcohol addiction has gotten in the way of my career.
I guess you could say that’s why I’m here.
I have no control and alcohol is blocking the path towards the life I want for myself.
I’ve always envied people who can say “I have no regrets in life”. None? You’ve never done or said anything you wish you could take back? You’ve never gotten drunk and thrown up in public at a professional event? You’ve never gotten black out wasted and apparently cheated on your partner without rememebering it? You’ve never gotten so plastered the entire week of Christmas that you couldn’t spend quality time with your family because you were preoccupied with the pain of that 7 day hangover headache or the thought of getting sick?

Yea… that must be nice.

I realized that every single regret I have in life… ALL of them, happened because I was drinking. I do not have one sober regret. Not a single one. So why has it taken this long for me to get to this point - cutting alcohol out of my life for trying to ruin everything for me? For me, alcohol is like that abusive partner you just cannot quit. You have one horrible night, but for the next few days they’re kind, you have fun together, everyone loves you two together… but they don’t see what happens when those bad days come.

I grew up in an Irish family where I’ve never seen my grandfather without a glass of Jameson or vodka, my dad welcomes every night with a double shot and a beer. My stepmom is wine drunk before most people get home from work, my brother drinks until he passes out, even though he’s had 2 DUIs and has sworn off alcohol a few times in his life. It’s just what’s accepted in my family. Functional alcoholism. Every single person in my family is successful. All those people I just named with the horrible drinking habits, they all own their own businesses, or lead a fortune 500 company, or work as head nurse at a hospital. THAT’S why it’s so hard for me to quit. I’ve grown up seeing the people I love, drink the way they do, but still end up huge successes. So what’s the big deal? Heavy drinking doesn’t ruin their lives, so why should I be worried about it ruining mine?

Well it is. I got a huge promotion at my job, so I welcomed that news with a weekend of binge drinking to “celebrate”. I wonder what my 7 year old self would think of my 27 year old self - getting disgustingly drunk because I’m HAPPY about something…
I finally got to go back to Chicago to see my family whom I only get to see a few times a year, and I get so drunk I can’t catch up with anyone. Our conversations are a combination of small talk and phrases like, “Do you want another shot?”

It’s time. Every day is a day closer to a time when my parents might not be around much longer. A time when I might want to start a family. A time when I might want to become a leader at my company - or leave my job to do something I truly LOVE. I cannot afford to not be present for what’s coming. I refuse to let my final regret in life to be that I never quit drinking so I wasn’t there for the people that needed me most, including myself.

So that’s me. Raw, unfiltered & vulnerable. Ready to receive judgement and side glances, but hoping for understanding and a s*** ton of support.

Day one.

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Thanks for sharing your storie with the forum it takes guts to recognise you have a problem and then write it out for others to read so well done. It’s a good place here lots of support and advise which is a main for starting out. Have you looked at meetings like SMART or AA there online aswell as face to face and they really help you to not feel so alone. It might help since it seems the normal thing to drink in your family it be had to find support there, oh and i do hope you feel proud of yourself because even tho it’s day one it’s a massive step towards getting your life back it won’t be easy nothing that’s worth it is. The easiest option would be to give in so be prepared for the fight with your mind. I wish you well my friend if you believe you can your halfway there. Xx

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Thank you for your kind words and support! I think I will take your advice and look outside my immediate family for support and tips, it’ll be a lot easier to get help from those who see my drinking as a serious problem :heart::heart:

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Thank you for sharing your story and welcome!

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Hi @CaitlinKelly and welcome!! It’s almost is if you’ve just taken my life story and put it here for me to read. I can completely relate to everything you said on your post, as it really is my exact same story. You are NOT alone!! This forum is great because you get to see that there are people just like you that are facing the same struggles, fears, and questions of “why”? I am on Day 18 today and it gets so much easier day by day. A couple people on here have suggested reading Alan Carr’s Easyway. I took that suggestion and just finished the book. It has really helped me change my perspective on this whole thing.

Anywho, as others have said, outside support may be helpful too. I have not tried AA myself, but I have just joined the SMART program and have been poking around. Stay strong, determined, and try to remember this post. Remembering that alcohol is the ONLY reason you have regrets (me too) is a huge motivator. When you start to feel like it’s not so bad and you can have just one, remember your 7 day hangover, your regrets, and remind yourself that it really isn’t worth it. The addiction to this poison truly brings nothing to our lives; absolutely nothing good comes from drinking. Then just one day at a time.

Thanks for sharing your story. Let’s do it!! :facepunch:t2::muscle:t2::raised_hands:t2::grin:

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Thank you! And thank you for your support!!

Thank you so much for your response! I have not heard of that book, but I’m about to download it to my kindle. I really appreciate you taking the time to connect with me to let me know we have had similar stories, it helps to know there’s others out there that have the similar background and upbringing, but can still persevere. :muscle::muscle:

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Hey girlo… I’m Irish :ireland: from Dublin so I :100: understand the Irish family thing… Gimmie a shout anytime x day 8 over here :heart:

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Thanks girlfriend!! We gotta stick together, I feel like the group of sober Irish families is quite small!! :heart::heart:

It’s practically non existant my love… Our culture is so steeped in alcohol it’s hard to escape it. Sometimes Irish families even take offense when you try to get sober… As if you admitting you have a problem is saying they do. Iv even heard Irish people say “I don’t trust people who don’t drink”…it can be overwhelming.

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Welcome Caít.

I actually come from a sober Irish family so they do exist, both parents are tee total non alcoholics (well they’ve never found out if they are or not) my siblings do drink but very rarely and very moderately (a bottle of magners or two at most at a wedding).

Outside of my immediate household there are a lot of alcoholics in my wider family, but all are in recovery thankfully.

I get the culture, binge drinking is so normal that it’s accepted. I live in Glasgow in Scotland now, it’s the same here. A colleague was joking in work today that she had to go home and clean up sick from Saturday night in her hallway as she was too hungover yesterday to do it. I didn’t say anything, but thought, “thank God those days are behind me”.

You can do this @CaitlinKelly it’s hard at the beginning, but you have to push through it and then it gets better. Make plans for your weekend coming that you have to be sober for and break the cycle, keep breaking the cycle of things that make you pick up the first drink. Remember if you avoid the first drink, you will stay sober.

Avoid people places and things you associate with alcohol for now, think positive and tell yourself you want to be sober, not that you don’t want to drink, this cuts negative words like don’t and drink out of your thoughts. Keep thinking sober, when an urge arises tell it you want to be sober. It takes a bit of practice but it really can help. If the urge gets really strong, talk to it and firmly tell it to feck right off, you want to be sober.

Good luck, keep checking in here. Stay strong and stay sober.

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Omg so accurate!! Some act like you’re spitting on the culture when you say you don’t drink! Or like it makes you not a true Irish woman!

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Yep, but all you can do is stay true to you and the goals you want to achieve in your life… Once people see its working and your happy they usually back off x

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Oh my goodness, so happy to hear they DO exist :blush::blush: Maybe my going sober will have a ripple effect in my family, but maybe not. It won’t make it any less wonderful. I’m truly thankful for your support and advice & I look forward to the coming days of me having those same thoughts when my friends share their horrible hangover stories, “thank god those days are behind me”!

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Your story is amazing and your determination to quit is contagious! I have no doubt that you can do this!

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Thank you!! I came to terms with the fact that some won’t understand my choices, but I knew I would have to deal with naysayers & negative nancies and push forward anyway if I wanted a better life for myself. I appreciate your welcoming attitude!!

Hey @CaitlinKelly …just thought that I’d chime in too…your story is a carbon copy of mine! Except that I’m about 7 years older and one of my alcoholic parents is long sober…it IS worth it…and your definitely not alone. Congratulations on making an amazingly good choice for yourself. I’m here if you ever want to talk! Much Love :heart:

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Hi @CaitlinKelly. Your positivity is contagious!!! You have just told the story i have been trying to tell my whole life. Good on you for knowing u deserve better in life. I wish i possessed half of your determination. You’re inspiring. I look forward to hearing of your progress x

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Hey thank you!! That’s awesome, I’m so happy to hear my story might help inspire someone else. Day 2 & feeling great!! :hugs:

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Wow no way! Well yes, we’re definitely in this together!! Thank you for your support, I am here for you as well!! :heart: