Irreversible damage done?

So here is the deal: I’m Phil from Munich, turning 27 next month and I have been sober for 63 days now. Considering how much and for how long I have drunk in my life, it is going astonishingly great so far. Neither do I have any withdrawal symptoms, nor does I miss the alcohol. It really is quite easy to me. But quitting has always been easy. However, starting yet again has been as well. I just remembered one night in 2012, it must have been January. After a soccer tournament we went on to celebrate at a friend’s house. It was around 11.30pm when the party started and for me it ended at approx. 5.30 to 6am. Within this period of time I had consumed 1.2 liters of vodka and 1.5 liters of beer all by myself. I am not exaggerating. Ever since I have been wondering, how I could possibly have survived this night AT ALL. The amount equals 444 grams of pure alcohol. If you can trust mathematics, that left me with more than 600 millilitres alcohol level. And right now in retrospective that scares the shit out of me. Because I feel that the alcohol has done something to me, especially my brain. I often feel clowded and my nerves are pretty messed up. It feels like they overreact to any remotely stressful situation and remotely stressful can be anything from leaving the house to going to university or even meeting friends. I have lost the sense of myself and I am scared like shit that my body and mind won’t be able to reverse the damage I have done to them. Nevertheless, I am glad that alcohol is the past and no longer defining my present and future. And I will do a helluva lot to make it stay this way.

6 Likes

Haha. You’re suffering from anxiety. There are several ways to work through anxiety at home- meditation, reading, yoga, various hobbies, etc.

You’re rediscovering yourself after relying on alcohol to give you an identity. Get in touch with yourself, you’ll figure out who you are.

Similarly, after quiting, my emotions and feelings gradually came/coming back. It’s a strange feeling but pretty awesome as you begin to harness them.

You’ve gained clarity, now use it in finding yourself. The key is to be happy with yourself. Stay strong!

5 Likes

Just reading all those numbers and trying to do the math gives me anxiety lol. Although I’m not very good with math, the healing body and holistic health isn’t as hard to digest (pun intended) and the fact that the body completely renews itself every seven years has given me a new spin on the seven year itch.
Alcohol in large quantities wreaks havoc on our bodies in so many ways and with consistency you can counteract the damaging effects it had on your brain, body, hormones, and life-force.

If your into math, think of it as (1+1)-1=1 (you+alcohol)- alcohol= YOU. A much better, whole, complete, and healthier version on YOU.

2 Likes

I think most of us here have used enough substance at one time or another to have died. Or been hospitalized. Were all very lucky to have e woken up and had a chance to keep going . What you are dealing with doesn’t sound like a result of liver damage or brain Damage . It sounds like you are dealing with some bottled up emotional issues that are surfacing for o e reason. Or another . Let it happen. You’ll pass through it .

Sounds like anxiety, might want to see a doctor. Also, you’re feeling your feelings without covering them up with alcohol. The body has an amazing way of healing itself.

Give it time. You’re doing fine. When I quit drinking I was obsessed with the thought of how much damage I had done to my body. I started drinking lemon water every morning (one whole lemon squeezed into a large glass of water). Lemons are great for cleaning out toxins and help your liver. I like thinking that I’m cleaning up some of the damage I inflicted. Your cloudy head will begin to clear up as time goes by. I was exhausted for several months after I stopped drinking. And during that time, I hibernated in my aprtment and ate pounds of sugar, trying to make up for the sugar I used to get from alcohol. After a few months of the cocoon, I got a Fitbit, made myself go outside and started a walking regimen during which I had a lot of time to process my thoughts and take in the beauty around me that I had somehow missed in my drinking haze. It gets easier–give yourself some time.

5 Likes

I worried about this even before I stopped drinking. In the past three years I had to drop out of uni because of my drinking. Like I had a very hard time concentracting and I just felt like 'eh, i’ve destroyed all my brain cells already, fuck it, there’s no future for me at the uni’
Now I’m still like paranoid about the damage I’ve done, so I downloaded this app with cognitive games called Lumosity and I play it every morning. Attaining new levels makes me less paranoid about my ‘lost’ cognitive abilities :slight_smile:
Good luck!

1 Like

Thanks guys, I appreciate your encouraging words :slight_smile: Im just gonna try not to let it drive me crazy and rely on my body’s healing abilities

2 Likes

I feel exactly the way you do. I can’t seem to be able to control my emoitions. I can’t sleep it’s really bad not sleeping, As a result I wake up very irritated… I learned that Rehab that takes anywhere from 6months to a year for our brains to rewire. I’m having a difficult time, but having 104 days is better than drinking and having black outs which many times put my life in danger. I don’t have to deal now with not knowing what I did while heavily intoxiated