I’m on day 3 after chronic relapse. The last time was enough: I was so sick the next day that I had to stay in bed and couldn’t function. I’ve been to daily AA meetings and am trying to sign up for intensive outpatient rehab (if they’d ever call me back) and every night at 5 pm…I’m pissed off. Really mad that this has to be my new life. Really mad that I can’t just go out with my wife and have a glass of wine. Because: it’s never just a glass of wine. Ever. Is being really angry in Day 3 normal? Thanks.
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Yes this is very normal. First 2 weeks are the worst. Its gets better over time though.
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Totallt normal. Been there. Good for you for going to aa and getting into iop. It sounds like youve had enough. The first week is hell but if you dedicate as much effort to your recovery as you have using you will see the rewards with time.
Hang on. It doesnt always suck.
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Welcome to Talking Sober. Grieving, anger, and wildly swinging emotions are all part of the package early on. Feelings, in this case, are just feelings. For me, the “missing drinking” took on a tone of self-pity - “Gee, I’ll never have my friend again, I feel so utterly terrible”, that kind of thing.
It does get better, and two things make it better. The first is time - I drank a lot and frequently, then daily in the last three years of my drinking. Maybe was never truly sober for more than an a couple hours per day, between using, hangover, recovery and using again. Anyway, time is what it takes to get over acute withdrawal (1-3 days) sub-acute withdrawal (up to a couple weeks), then post-acute withdrawal (which can be up to a couple of years). There are physical effects that must be repaired, then some biological dependency to be righted (a brain swimming in booze has set to adjust to the dry dock!), then finally the more engrained thought and behavior patterns.
The other thing that helped me tremendously was to start building up my sober personality, my sobriety, as soon and as quickly as I could. To get there, I went to 1:1 alcohol counseling (and this time, I told her the truth!), and AA (and this time, I told them the truth and actually did what they suggested). After some time, about 6 months, I was mandated to an intensive outpatient program as a consequence of my last DUI, and again, told them the truth and did what they told me to when they told me to do it.
What might help you most in the short run is to develop an internal response to that feeling - e.g. “I get to not drink, I am not compelled to drink, today” and “I love how sobriety feels, how waking up naturally and hang-over free is a delight”, stuff like that. It might sound corny, but it works. For me, I would occasionally have to find a very private place to go and scream at my thoughts “Fuck off and leave me alone!”. Whatever works for you, just keep trying everything except drinking.
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oh dear , i feel you ! that must be normal then .
will it ease at some point ?
i truly wish that for you and for us .
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Yep I absolutely have been there. You’re not alone in that. In early sobriety I wanted to drink so bad sometimes that I actually broke down in tears. I just did not want my life to be without alcohol. I couldn’t imagine going forever without a drink. That’s why we stress one day at a time so much. Forever seems impossible, but a single day is attainable. I’ve string one day at a time now for almost a year and nine months, but it’s taken a lot of work honestly. That’s how it is for everyone. I’d suggest getting a sponsor and getting into the steps of AA if you’re not already. Eventually you’ll find that you can start to imagine a life without alcohol and it becomes normal. The mental health help is big too so I hope you can get into the IOP. Best wishes and you always have a community here too
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Angry!
I was angry for years!
I’ve told many stories about my early recovery and being angry. I would always put on my angry rap type music. Eminem and power walk my ass up and down the streets of Santa Monica walking past restaurants and bars I couldn’t drink at anymore. And wondering why can’t I drink? It’s not fair. I would power walk my ass off like that twice a day.
Then around 5 when happy hour would come around I’d get back in the shower again for a long hot steaming shower and cry. I’d cry it out. Why can’t I drink too. This went on for quite awhile. But after 15-20 minutes is a very hot shower I felt spent. I come down to the kitchen. Pour myself a glass of sparkling water in my favorite wine glass and cook a nice healthy dinner. While my wife drank her wine. I can’t remember how long this went one. But it sure helped.
I was also counting and recording calories while eating to take my mind of the drink. Lost 50 pounds.
Congrats on your 3 days! If you do this right. You don’t have to do it again. I don’t ever want to go through that again.
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In time, that feeling, thought , emotion will change. This i promise you 
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I can’t undo this image now E lol 
But hey ,look at you guys now. Kel and you did it. And your both still doing it.
So as I posted replying that I’m time his feeling and anger will change even though I can feel the emotion through this device lol, in time it will be less of an emotion, the anger. It will settle. Time..I know it sounds basic etc , but time truly is the magic word in my opinion.
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Welcome to the club !
I spent so long being angry at the injustice of it all. Why couldn’t I drink like a normal person.
My rock bottom was drinking the back of my car at 9am having lied to everyone I cared about it my life about where I was and what I was doing. There was nowhere left to go.
I don’t drink any more because a bit like I’m a size 12 shoe, I’m also an alcoholic.
Everything in life is a trade off. What are you willing to trade for your life ?
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This image is now stuck in my head also lol… epic
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drugs in my opinion come from hell. everything that wants to lead me into this bad behavior is suspicious. for example imaginary voice.
i am happy and thankful for everyday not to have to take drugs. because the right way is to stay, clean and focus on the good things. and not get distracted.
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Yeah entirely normal. I remember my first group sesh at rehab, flat out told the group I “want to murder this thing”, referring to addiction and what led me to that point. I was angry at what my decisions and addiction had deprived me of. Everyone’s way of dealing with it is different, but that sentiment has helped me steer clear of alcohol. When I work out I use that as a boost while at the same time thinking how remarkable it is to be able to feel better also.
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For me the anger eventually turns into sadness, the kind you feel for a lost pet years ago. I relapsed ten days ago, the first time I was sober I was annoyed, annoyed at myself that it took that long to do something about it, annoyed I have this problem, annoyed other people don’t, annoyed that alcohol is endemic in society, annoyed at everything! That slowly morphed into just missing old times, then remembering all the truly horrifying times I could/couldn’t remember and it felt like a different life. Post relapse I don’t have the annoyance at not being able to drink anymore, it’s very true when they say to not look too far ahead, you’re sober today and that’s perfect.
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yeah its like of course in the past it was fun. but exactly this is one big reason why we think it’s OK. this is the way the evil comes into our lives. masked as something fun….
this is why we oversee the danger and are tricked out.
my opinion at least xD
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It’s slow so you don’t notice it, I was fooled into thinking I could drink in “moderation” and that I was somehow fixed.
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yes I tried it to moderate too. I tried all kind of moderation. rules and so on.
but noo way. no chance. same with smoking. no way. our brains are to crazy
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Oh the rules 
, me too, and I’d just break every one of them eventually. Moderation for me is the killer, I can not drink for weeks and months very easily. I struggle with stopping once I’ve started but the moderation tricks you into thinking everything is fine. A couple of drinks one weekend and nothing bad happens great I’m fixed! Fast forward 2 months and you’re wasted at 4am again 
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yeah. it’s maybe because those substances are not made for us.
i defintly think that some people can handle it.
it simply does not work for me.
i would fxxxx up my whole life.
with a bad mindset.
nooo chance.
there are other things that are made for us.
that’s it.
we can simply ignore drugs. they don’t matter. its only bad karma
nobody understands it. but it must be an universal truth.
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100%
People not like us can just stop when they want, there’s no internal argument they simply stop. For people like us we have to argue, convince ourselves why we should stop and it’s all too easy to just ignore that voice and carry on.
We just need a way of channelling that addictive side to our personality into something more healthy, working out, a hobby, a project etc.
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