It is normal to feel nervous & scared when you’re growing in a new direction. What’s happened is you’ve become aware of something you want to change - a mental and emotional cage you want to be free from (the cage is that squirrelly addict behaviour that wants to run and hide in the “safety” and familiarity of sex, where everything is a ritual, a routine) - and changing a routine is scary.
You will need to work on unpacking what’s behind this, which is why counselling and groups are helpful Resources for our recovery - #64 by NealRecoveryCA
There’s layers to this and it will mean so much to you to have that external support helping you see things in perspective. You’ll see your path more clearly.
What’s the plan for today? Will you reach out to that counsellor we talked about yesterday?