Yesterday I relapsed. I usually tell my mom wen I have relapsed but I feel like I don’t wanna tell her this time. I jus don’t wanna see or hear her cry. I also don’t wanna tell my boyfriend I relapsed because he is a recovering addict n I don’t want him to start using again. I think I’m jus not going to tell anyone n stand up on my own two feet again n stay sober. Is that wrong of me? Also I need a sponsor!!
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I agree that you need someone to be honest with. You are honest here. I can imagine that being honest with everyone around you might be shameful but not being transparent about your struggles will only keep the addict voice growing.
What led you to pick up / use again? What is your plan to stay on sober track if that is what you are aiming for.
Welcome to TS. It’s a great community with lots of ressources and people to support each other.
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I’m not necessarily shameful about it I jus really don’t wanna listen to my mama cry or push my man to use. Idk how to stay sober I will go months without it n use once then go months again without it. And that’s an endless cycle.
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I think that you finding a sponsor is an excellent idea, as well as coming here! This site//app has been an absolute lifesaver for me.
If you are not ready to tell your mom or your partner, that’s ok. But don’t keep it secret altogether. Checking in here is a great way to have some accountability while you are looking for a sponsor.
Welcome Brittany 
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I think it’s not, when you try to save your close people from something what can hurt them. I as well did it whenever I relapsed, I never told that about to my mother, because I know how much she would be crying, screaming and feeling shitty about it.
Important is that you’re honest with yourself and you asked for help here. I believe you can stay sober from now. <3 You’re strong!
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I suppose not telling someone about a relapse is not the same persay as an outright lie.
In my opinion the more important question is what are you doing on a daily basis to seek outside support to stay clean?
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I’m not a fan of keeping relapses from the ones that love us and support us. Eventually they’re going to find out. I was that loved one that got hurt too many times by the lies and deceit. Secrets keep us sick! Come clean with them now and show them through your actions. I’m a huge proponent of outside help, whether it be AA, NA, Smart recovery, dharma etc. This forum is great for support but programs in real life can assist you with getting to the root causes.
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It’s taken me a long time to accept that not everyone in my circle is going to be supportive and accepting of my relapses.
When it comes to my addiction, oftentimes, loves ones will take it personally and respond with fury and unforgiveness. Yet, so many will demand disclosure otherwise they’ll argue that I’m being abusive by withholding the truth. Plus, they argue that if I don’t practice complete honesty with my loved ones, then I’m sabotaging my own recovery along with the relationship. But if I don’t tell them, then they cannot use my confession against me. Which makes my recovery three times more difficult.
I advocate being honest, but be honest only with those that you can trust. People that will support you with no judgement.
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We are only as sick as our secrets. As a person who has kept relapses a secret I can assure you the pain of keeping it a secret is far worse than the pain of being honest.
If you are truly concerned about others when you relapse I would suggest finding a program of recovery and working it like your life depends on it.
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For me, I find if I do not want to be honest with someone who I love in my life, I have to ask myself why. Most times it’s because I do not want to face the consequences of my actions and I am manipulating the sitatuion by not telling them the truth. Hiding things was part of my addictive behaviors so I could use without the reprocussions. Secrets keep me sick. In my recovery, I have to have rigorous honesty or I will use again. I have to look at why I used and truly work my program to not use again each day. I love that you are looking for a sponsor as working the program with mine is what really helped to change everything for me. Wish you well!
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I know the reason you don’t want to share your relapse with your mom and boyfriend but in the end the secret of having to hide it from them will only be worse for you. Secrets eat us alive. Also - when I kept my relapse to myself, my addict brain would convince me that it wasn’t a problem and I could do it again cause even if they found out it would only be this time that they new about.
Glad you are here and can be open about your relapse and find accountability for your actions. I would say find the strength and talk rationally with your loved ones explaining that you did relapse but are doing xyz to keep that from happening again and are “n” number days sober now.
Do go to a meeting or two - they will be super helpful and a great place to find a sponsor. Make your sobriety plan - things / people / places to stay away from. Activities to do to keep you busy. Journaling, meetings…etc.
I wish you the best of luck and again - welcome to the community!
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I was in that situation. I kept the relapse from my mother as long as I could for the same reason. She should be enjoying her retirement, not worrying about her grown children and losing sleep when we mess up. We’re no longer her burden.
It would probably still be a secret if I didn’t have to borrow their truck. I ended up leaving a bag of miniatures in it when they came to pick it up. Totally forgot I bought them. She texted me that she has my liquor I left in the truck. She wouldn’t even return my calls for a few days after that. I also didn’t tell her about my recent bout with withdrawal because I know it would worry her to death. We text every day now and I never mentioned it.
Maybe this is the wrong mindset and I may be the minority, but I don’t believe some people need to know if it will hurt them. There are others to tell and give support. Even if they may be strangers. It all depends on the person and what they can handle; how supportive you think they could actually be.
Best of luck to you. Stay strong.
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It will be betrayal later on when they find out. The best thing about sobriety is no more lying, not to yourself or anyone else.
How would you feel if your bf relapsed and didn’t tell you?
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I could not agree more !
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