I have been trying to quit Meth, and specifically now IV meth, since Sept 15 this year. I was over 13 years clean from it until this June 17.
I don’t know why this is so hard this time. I have yet to ever get past 5 days and that was in October.
I have reset this 37 times since then with it showing an average of every 1,42 days. I honestly do try and sincerely want to quit. So why does this keep happening?
I was just at my second longest at almost 4 days until Christmas Eve when someone came by and smoked a very small amount with me. I still consider that a f*** up as it is still technically in my system.
I haven’t touched a needle in about a week thankfully though. I have cut back/slowed my use and frequency to almost nothing compared to when this began again and am no longer going through physical withdrawals anymore except for sleeping a bit more than usual.
I no longer panic knowing I don’t have any and don’t only think of my money as budgeted towards making sure I have. Yet I still can’t say no and shake the emotional attachment to it.
I am starting to think and feel like I’m going to be stuck forever and am starting to feel like giving up.
How many times can I relapse before it isn’t considered a relapse anymore but active addiction?
I just wanted to add that unlike most people who use meth, I don’t get wired or “tweak” like I did 13 years ago. It for some reason calms me down and I eat and sleep a lot more healthier than I did previous to this relapse. I don’t understand why I am sleeping extra now.
I also am able to hide my use and not a single person has ever suspected or known unless I’ve told them.
I also think a lot clearer, can accomplish things without getting frustrated and overwhelmed with myself and have been able to function out in public, on my own, without ending in a panic attack. It’s more of a help than a hindrance to my mental health which is hard to not use as an excuse.