Hey everyone been a few weeks since I posted last. So it’s been a little over three months since I got sober off my substances , mainly pain killers and prescribed benzo. First month dealt with low mood but slept on an could work. All of February had bad insomnia an anxiety mostly every night . Lost a lot of weight due to appetite being gone. Beginning of March started to get better night sleeps. Not great but a lot more than the past month . This past weekend I slept really good. Probably the best sleep I’ve had in a month. Starting Monday I kind of started feeling off . Anxiety kind of got high. Then the past few days at work it’s been back an forth anxious an depressed mood. Last two nights sleeps haven’t been the best. Is it normal to keep going back and forth with feeling ok. The past few weeks I started feeling like I was getting better and so happy I wasn’t how I was in February. Now the past three days I’m all worried again that I’m heading for another bad phase. I know with all that’s going on in the world everyone’s anxiety’s probably a bit high. Idk if it’s just the normal early recovery process? Paws flaring up? Brief pink cloud phase? Just gets your confidence down when you feel like your getting better than go back to feeling like shit.
I had this problem. I had to put myself on a strict schedule of no screens at least one hour before bedtime and bought a sleep mask. Oddly the sleep mask helped me by blocking light, may not work for you but hey give it a shot
Yeeeaahhh. There is a lot of shifting back and forth, at least there was for me. It’s the benzos. But, I can honestly say that when I had a backslide it wasn’t as bad as the previous one. They get shorter, less intense, and there becomes more time between them. That gets tricky after a while because you have a good stretch, a nice long one, then get so discouraged what a backslide occurs. So prepare for that eventuality. The good news? I didn’t have my first upswing for about 4 months, so you are moving faster than I did!
Also, I don’t know if there is anything normal in recovery, but my pattern was similar to yours. The benzos are a much bigger hurdle than anyone ever imagines them to be. But you will get through.
I’m 6 months off pain killers and I’m still having ups and downs. I’ll have a good stretch and then out of no where, I come crashing down and it lasts a few days. I am noticing there’s a longer period of time between these episodes. I guess it’s all part of recovery.
Benzos and opiates act very similar in the brain. The only difference is the way that benzos affect GABA. I have to wonder if the experience of what we are talking about is similar, other than the simple repetition of the cycle. To bad I can’t see my psychiatrist next week. She’d be able to shed more light for me. My curiosity never stops!
Definitely ask her when you get the chance,. I’d be interested in what she says.
Oh, I definitely will! You might have to remind me.
I have no idea when I’ll get to see her. I’m on a regular, non changing medication schedule. They just switched to phone sessions for my therapist, with the exception that if someone was adamant about face to face they would do that. I’m assuming it’s the same for my psychiatrist. It makes me sad not to have the face to face, but I know there are others who need that time more and I just don’t want to be one more person they are exposed to.
Moral of the story, remind me.
My curiosity will remind me to remind you.
Definitely get what your saying. I’ve felt really bummed out last few days because I’ve had a few bad days after a decent stretch . I’m just going to roll with it and know it’s part of the process. Yea I know benzos are the more difficult drug to get off of . Luckily I had weened down from 2mg for years down to .5 before I stopped . I’ve been doing decent but some days the anxiety gets me an I always had my prescription of my benzo to calm me an now that it’s not there it gets a bit scary but hey I’m glad I’m off an know it’ll get better
I’m hoping the periods are longer
Well, being on such a low dose at the end is going to be VERY beneficial for your early recovery. Congrats on getting that far down! My use had skyrocketed. I was prescribed 2.5 mg of xanax but was buying shit online, because the streets didn’t have any or enough. I was mixing the last dredges of the klonopin I has with klonopin I had bought online. I was up to a combined 8-10 mgs in the last 2 weeks. Hopefully this is a bit easier for you!
No matter how much you were taking at the end the intense anxiety still comes and goes. At this point I still have quite a bit of anxiety, but it feels a million times better. I honestly don’t know how much of it is less actual anxiety or much better coping skills. When you’ve been through so much anxiety without the “safety net” of benzos you start to adapt and learn how to manage it. But there is definitely a shit ton less anxiety now.
This is when the one day at a time shit becomes very real. I always just focused on the day, then broke it down to hours and minutes at a time as needed. However, I listened to the professionals who were my recovery lifeline and reminded myself the, “this too shall pass” saying was promised to be true. There was never a timeline promised, but the fact that it would pass at some point sustained me through the worst of the shit.
It’s a damn rollercoaster, but it DOES get better and easier. When you are back to a good swing start building tools to make sure the next back slide doesn’t become cause for a relapse.
I’ve noticed that I get a bit more bummed than normal since sobering up…or, maybe it’s just a regular amount of bummed out that I’m just noticing more since I’m not drowning everything in beer and whiskey. As far as sleep goes, I started getting quality sleep when I quit drinking, and it’s been smooth sailing ever since.
Despite the emotional ups and downs, it’s been easier dealing with it with a clear mind.
Hope things get on the upswing for ya!