Hi all,
As I mentioned in some previous posts, I had a pretty gnarly 24-36hr binge this past friday/saturday:
-Drank 5 beers, first drink in about 2 months.
-Took a bunch of adderall, first time in 7 months. I took a LOT though, right off the bat.
-Smoked weed, which I had been doing every night for about 4 months straight.
Last use for all was Saturday night. Here we are, Thursday, 5 days in, and I’m exhausted, innatentive, irritable, and emotionally volatile. I’ve had binges before, and its NEVER taken this long to get back to being somewhat normal. I think I’m just surprised at how bad its been, especially since it was a binge and not sustained use, and the only thing I had been using consistently was the weed. I’ve kept up with my exercise regimen, have been eating well like usual, and getting plenty of sleep.
What gives? This has never happened before, especially after such a short length of use. I feel like I’m losing my mind here. Never been so emotionally touchy and fatigued. Figure it might be a combination of using and then quitting all 3 at the same time? Depleted dopamine/seratonin after going so hard so quickly on the adderall? Brain mad at me for abruptly stopping weed aftet such consistent use?
I should also note that after a slip, Im usually just tired for a few days, and riddled with guilt, but am more or less still “myself” and right as rain in a few days time.
The past 5 days, not only have I been exhausted, but i have been irritable, snappy, antisocial, distant, and just very unpleasant. There are brief moments where I have glimpses of being back to normal, but generally i havent been myself at all. Just wondering why this time is so different in terms of presentation and length of time.
Thanks. Its been scary for me being like this the past few days and not snapping out of it. Im getting worried i’ll be stuck like this. I am especially sorry for my girlfriend (who i live with, been together 2 years). Thankfully she is an absolute saint and understands what im going through, and that i dont mean to be how ive been acting. Shes been very patient. But i absolute hate being so distant from her and that ive just shut her out so frequently over the past couple days. I love her more than anything, more than myself, and cant stand acting like this around her. I havent been outright mean to her or anything, just very veeeery distant, which can be just as bad.
My last binge was 3 weeks ago and how I ended up here, I can go for weeks not drinking but always knew another binge was around the corner. The last one hit me hard, really hard, like a train wreck. In the past I’ve drank a litre of vodka on a weekend binge, last time was just a quarter bottle of gin but I still managed to achieve a blackout and mammoth 5 day hangover. I couldn’t sleep, didn’t workout, couldn’t eat properly. I felt like you, exhausted and irritable.
These binges take their toll, we have to listen to our bodies. We’re abusing our mind and body and it’s screaming at us to stop.
Hopefully this will subside soon, and I will get back to being myself: in my girlfriend’s words, “strutting around the apartment singing” and just being a fun-loving, lovable nuisance.
I hated my old hangovers. I hate this new type even more. It robs me of more of myself for longer. Here’s to fighting as hard as i can to make this the LAST time I have to get through something like this. I deserve it and so do my loved ones.
I meant more that you need to pick a program. AA is very popular and my personal favourite is SMART Recovery. You can get started on the free worksheets from the comfort of your couch which makes it a great place to start with no excuses.
As for your pain, I can guarantee that drinking is not helping your cause. It’s also being to be next to impossible to get to the bottom of it if your continuously side tracked by binges and in a recurring state of withdrawal and being disappointed in yourself.
It’s a pretty steep drop from this point my friend. Your Brains not stopping so your body is shutting down the shit show to send you a message: YOU NEED HELP.
AA and SMART recovery, google them. Your body and your girlfriend will that you for it.
If you quit the weed after using consistently during four months, for sure your mood is going to be affected. I could explain to you why exactly but my English is too shit to talk about neuro anatomy lol. Give it 2 weeks it’ll be better. But somehow I feel myself that every time I relapsed my mood is being affected more every time… like for weeks. I think our body had enough.
I can relate to this so much!! In my case the more I binge or relapse the more I stress and have regret days after. Your body has probably had enough! I think the longer i stay sober and then have a relapse the longer it depresses me for. Think positive and don’t give up !! X