I watched a really interesting TED talk that said the opposite of addiction is connection. I was always a binge drinker but when I lived with roommates, that might be 1/2 a month and never alone.
Then I moved in with a boyfriend (who left me due to drinking) and when he left, I started being blind drunk every few days. By myself.
I don’t think I like living alone. And if I lived with others, I’d not be so self destructive.
Isn’t that sad though? Shouldn’t I be able to be independent…
I preferred to binge drink alone, so as not to deal with the judgements of others around me. I’d try to “control” my drinking when others were around, but then I didn’t enjoy it. I couldn’t wait to be alone again, so I could drink at the pace I was used to. The goal is to be comfortable in your own skin, “independent” of circumstances, and learning how to cope with life w/o numbing yourself. You’ll get to know the real you, and discover who you are - IF you stay sober. At first, you might not like what you find, but if stay sober, you can grow and gain the ability to change into your best self.
I use to feel isolated all the time by my boyfriend and our roommates. I didn’t feel like I had anything in common with them or that they wanted me around. They didn’t drink as much as I did either so that didn’t help either. I closed myself off from other people because people were complicated and alcohol was a relief.
I’m trying to get use to myself enough and be peaceful within myself that I don’t feel afraid of being alone. Because I was, I still am who I kidding??? But as time goes on, I feel better. I’m working on it. Trying finding a hobby, I walk a lot. Color. Write. Listen to podcasts and tedtalks. I’m also applying to jobs left and right. And attending AA. But I like walking the best. Good luck my friend. I relate so much to this
Getting sober is a journey of self discovery. You have to learn to live your life as you. Sometimes things that are uncovered can be difficult. It’s part of the process. Go with it, work through, learn to love yourself. Without booze.
My theory about AA is that it relieves the isolation that addicts can have. I don’t really believe in the religious elements but spirituality probably helps along those lines.
It’s just hard to hear that I’ve got some allergy to drinking and it’s okay for everyone else. So I must not partake. Knowing this has not stopped me any. I keep battling between is it me or the drink? Both?
I don’t attend AA. I used to, but not at the moment. It’s a good program. I think a lot of people can’t get past some of their theories. I’d say don’t let that get in the way if it can help you. As a whole, it’s helped a lot of people and it’s a great way to connect with others dealing with the same struggles.
I had the same problem but with pot. I’d only smoke with friends, but never alone. Then I got my own apartment. Some may disagree, but with my experience and reading, addiction is often linked with mental health. For me it was depression. The isolation fed my depression. I got to the point that I had to force myself to go out and spend time with people and I was always stoned when I did. I felt guilty and bad about what I was becoming, so I smoked more. It got to the point where even when I moved in with people I just stayed in my room, and then when I got the urge for socialization. The only thing to do was to go out and binge drink, which would lead me doing other stuff. I ended up in the hospital with a heart attack from mixing too many drugs.
It wasn’t till I moved home, and sobered up for a year till I was able to fully address my mental health. Now I feel like I can live alone and socialize correctly. I’m planning on moving out west in a few months by myself. Something I couldn’t image doing before. Also turning 25 and removing myself from college friends and setting really helped.
Hope this makes you feel like your not abnormal! I asked myself the same question a million times.
I think independence is a totally separate concept from connection. I live alone, and none of my friends are even local. However, I can be connected by honestly sharing myself with people, investing in them, and letting them do the same with me – friends or not. I could also move back in with my parents in a town where I know many people, go out lots, and be entirely isolated, not fostering meaningful interactions with anyone.
I’m more alone than I was before, but my connections with others are also healthier, and living alone (so far, at least) has not made it easier or harder for me to drink. I always drank alone, and I drank because of feelings that included loneliness… but at the root, I drank because I was an alcoholic, and being alone meant there was less in the way of my drinking. Life will throw all sorts of circumstances at me where I’ll be with others, and circumstances where I won’t be, so any winning sobriety strategy will have to work in both situations.
What I’m trying to get at is that healthy relationships are good for you, but they don’t need to also be your living situation. My community is, for now, only reachable to me via electronic means, but having these people in my heart and their words in my mind is enough when I’m away from them. Plus, my HP is always around. I’m hoping to nurture new relationships with people I can spend more time around, but I’m totally fine waiting for that to develop in its own time.
Not abnormal at all! I, myself, preferred to get blackout drunk every night alone at home or maybe two drinking friends who are my neighbours. I dread thinking that I need to go through this night alone and stone cold sober, it gets me
But if I invited my friends over I’ll get drunk with them and wake up in the morning with bruises from falling over, having to go through my phone to see what messages I sent and suicidal AF.
I’m planning on maybe joining a few paddling and rock climbing clubs to get out and about when I don’t have kids, and meet new sober friends. Best of luck, we can do it
