well hello everyone I’m U. n well idk I’m lost n grasping any help I can get.been on the life now for 19 years been just flying under the radar that I justified my actions just cause I thought I was a “functional drug addict” I know this page is recovery I want it it’s just hard looking for people that knows how to manage and guide me, hear me and help me . I’m stubborn don’t like old fashioned AAs
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Hey there 
You don’t have to go to AA. But what everyone here will tell you is this: You. can. not. do. this. on. your. own. and. by. yourself. You need help. I cannot stress this enough.
So checkout other recovery programs available. You can find a lot of ressources here Resources for our recovery
And yes being stubborn and refusing to get help is a major thing for addicts. Great job on recognizing this and reaching out!
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thank you my friend
I appreciate ur response.
it’s just so hard if feels so comfortable here but I know I’m doing harm just don’t seem to care
You know what? This is the first step!
Realizing that you have to change something. That you have to do something that feels utterly uncomfortable. But at the same time seeing how staying where you are is going to bring on more harm than you are willing to live with.
You have already done the hardest part of this work: Realisation of your situation and reaching out for help. Great job 
I mean it.
Now try to lean a little bit into this discomfort and you will know what you need to do next.
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realized it years ago just haven’t acted
Now is the time. Nothing changes until you change something. Recovery is work. Like everything worthwhile in our lives.
And you are already putting in work by posting here, sharing. Keep at it. One step at a time.
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thank you for your words my friend
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Sorry you dont like me