Now that I have a clear head and am making it by sober, the big WHY is hitting with full force. My husband is addicted to a computer game called League of Legends. If it sounds ridiculous trust me, I understand. It’d be much less embarrassing if I had been using alcohol to cope with an affair or drug abuse or physical abuse… but no! I started drinking because of the same argument I had with my husband tonight that we had constantly for over a year. He plays too much, ignores our kids too often and leaves me to pick up the pieces. I couldn’t bring myself to separate and risk 10 years together because of a video game!
So I changed what I could, accepted what I couldn’t and turned to alcohol to numb the difference.
I’ve managed to pull myself out of the deep dark pit of the last 7 months but I am left with the same inner conflict. I love him so much and don’t want to separate… but I also can’t live like this anymore and refuse to go back to that dark, alcohol infused place! What if accepting what I cannot change about his habit will end my marriage? It’s a video game and it’s ruining everything… how can I accept that and where do I go from here? There are so many things to love about him but our whole life revolves around the one thing I dont. I feel so embarrassed crying while I type to a bunch of strangers who have no idea who i am about a video game…
I am not tempted to drink right now… I’m not feeling mad, hurt, frustrated or stuck. I just can’t feel anything right now but sadness. I’m right back where I disappeared from months ago, with nothing left to feel but sad.
Thankful I have a place to vent instead of turning to alcohol. It’s off my chest and maybe I’ll be able to sleep now.
Hi @Gemstone123. Firstly well done for not turning to drink. Many of us use alcohol to numb pain or boredom but then alcohol controls us and takes way more. The problem would appear to be the video game and in my opinion you may need to address the problem at its source rather than add another problem ie alcohol. I’m certainly no expert so feel free to say Tim go away but that’s how I see it. I guess if it was me I’d talk about addiction. You can easily end up addicted to alcohol and you can be addicted to a game. Both to the detriment of relationships. Wishing you all the best but my advice would be whatever happens the solution is not in the bottle. It may numb the pain or boredom temporarily but you’ll feel worse be poorer and won’t have solved the problem in any way shape or form
Thank you @Tim. I will not be picking up a bottle of anything! I think I’m just at an emotional rock bottom. It’s been 18 months since he started and we have been to couples therapy, tried compromising limits, having a game night… I know how video games become addicting and what happens in the brain but it’s still a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around! A little ironic, but I’m a science major with formal education in psychology under my belt and I still developed a drinking problem. His behavior is very much like mine has been with drinking… once he caves and plays one game he keeps playing until all hell breaks loose at home. I’ve put the bottle down and it’s just frustrating to see him have no change after its caused my family so much pain. If he won’t give up the game, I don’t think I can be around it. It’s what triggered me to start drinking in the first place 7-8 months ago.
He’s absent.
Period. Wouldn’t matter if it was porn or delving into a bottle himself or sports or anything. You’re not giving the best parts of yourselves to the marriage and kids if you’re constantly into something else.
Believe me, not stupid.
And don’t beat up your educated self on this. Doctors abuse. You’re human last time you checked right?
You didn’t sign up for this and you feel alone
Alternatively, can you play this shit game with him? Come into his world and encourage him to yours? Do other things together as a spinoff?
Im so sorry for what you are going through. Anything that takes that much time away from the family and causes problems is no good and video games are becoming such a big addiction. I’m not trying to say that it’s OK or what he is doing isnt wrong but please hang on to the marriage. If he’s not cheating or isn’t abusive you can work with that. It’s hard I know (won’t get into he details but I myself have been through some very bad stuff with my husband) . It took a few years but we eventually got through it and are stronger than ever. Your husband is the one that is definitely going to have to wake up and realize he has to change. There are small things you can do to encourage him. Like for example when he does do something you like praise him and tell him how much you and the kids appreciated it. Men need to feel that we respect them and love them (even when we want to choke them 
) just like we want to be loved and are number one in their life. I know there’s way more involved and it’s HARD but keep trying. In time hopefully he will see your efforts and change and then you guys can look back and see what you went through and will be stronger because you worked through the problems. Your children will be thankful as well. Divorce is so so hard on them. Even though they need to respect “Dad” they will see you trying and learn from your example and it will give them good coping skills from their future marriages. Stay strong and keep posting to give us updates. 
I’d give you an emoji hug but don’t have one so "big hug from me " 
Hey Gemstone123, my dad was an alcoholic who died when I was 21, there was no way I was going to do what he did to himself and his family, but here I am… Even though you have studied people and their pitfalls, it doesn’t stop you being a person too! After all a Consultant in Diabetes can still be a diabetic too Well done for getting on here and talking X
I’ve been there. It used to be a video game. Then it was hockey on tv. Now it is work. Basically he is not present and active in the marriage or family. It sucks. But I hear you. I have definitely questioned whether the marriage is worth it but feel silly leaving over something so trivial. You are right…it is almost like an affair would be easiser to handle (as backwards as that sounds). So yes, I think that is part of why I turned to alcohol. At least it is why I started drinking a LOT at home alone with the kids. The social reasons for drinking are different.
All this to say I have no advice, I can only offer you an “I totally understand how you are feeling”.
Thank you all for your words @Oliverjava @TheRealLife @PeppermintTea @VSue @Tim, I feel much better this morning after some sleep and reading your replies. I got so upset and started to feel my flight overriding my fight. It is much easier to drink my feelings and live without confrontation after over a year of trying for resolution, but flight didn’t work for me either so it’s back to the fight! I want my marriage to work, he is all I know and want. I want the best for him and it is heartbreaking to watch him go through something he doesn’t even know he is going through despite my efforts. It’s hard to love someone so much and hate the biggest thing they do. It’s a terrible feeling to have a husband you love, 3 amazing kids and all this happiness potential with them constantly just out of my reach. I will not drink, but I do need to find another coping mechanism quickly so I can get through this with my husband. It would be too much to walk away from someone I don’t want to walk away from because I gave up. I’m not ready for that to be my only option.
You are amazing We are all here for you and stay strong @Gemstone123
Are there any times where you have time to talk to him?Maybe in the morning or bedtime? My husband was falling down that slope and im very glad at least his dad talked to him about it. Its unhealthy for a marriage for him to let a video game consume him.
I think you need to calmly tell him how you feel but find a way to be kind about it.You dont want to point fingers and argue.
I dont know what its like to be so into video games that you just dont care about anything else, but any addiction is not good for marriage and needs to be worked on.You deserve someone who is attentive, and it will take time but he needs to put aside some time for you.
I do have a younger brother and he is so deep into another game. He has done that for several years, today he cant sleep at night. He dont accept that he is addicted to it, but i can not point fingers at him. Only tell what i do and how i manage my self. So i really hope you guys will sort this one out togheter. But still looking after yourself too thats very important. Try something you can do togheter a new hobby . Fingers crossed @Gemstone123
@Restlesssoul I have talked to him about it almost too much. We went to counseling, have tried every “compromise” we could think of multiple times, and I let him know when he starts to play too much. He will tell me what I want to hear and back off the game long enough for me be tricked into thinking he changed. I feel like he is doing as little as is exactly necessary to keep me from going over the edge and leaving him. It makes me feel very manipulated but I know he does what he can to protect his addiction whether it is on purpose or not.
@Cobaltchris Looking after myself is how I am feeling now. I fought for my marriage and lost myself… I decided this morning that I will separate from him before I lose myself again. I want to fix my marriage, but I have to have a line. I think I will talk to him and tell him I absolutely refuse to move backward. I think asking him to develop a plan of his own on how he will change and if he can’t/won’t/ or doesn’t follow through I will ask for a separation. If I play it by ear and wait for him to change based on he says so with no plan, I am afraid I will be too vulnerable to know when my line has been crossed.
Of course i do understand this is very tough on you , but you are tough i do hope he will see the line you will set and atleast try for the sake of your marriage. If he will take the small steps With you . You guys deserve a good family life and find back togheter again. Fingers crossed dont lose your self over this.You are the most important in your life and recovery. I see you fighting for that. Stay positive , let him know .might have a effect
Thank you! I feel much better now
Well thats fantastic stay in that way Even its hard.positive attitude. Love that!