I have had a problem with alcohol for nearly a decade, regularly getting blackout drunk even on weekdays. I have 4 kids and pregnancy was really the only time I wasn’t drinking. Within the last 6 months I have known I need to change but was never ready. I’d have a few days here or there without a drink but I’d always slip back. I wake up with regret and always have a nervous feeling like what if something happened to one of my children while I was blacked out… still wasn’t enough I guess. Now to side bar - I have a cat named Muffin, and while she’s a family pet she has always gravitated to me. I love that majestic long black haired beast! Now back to this past Sunday night, I woke up around 2am, I couldn’t remember tucking my kids in or going to bed. I looked on the floor next to my bed and there laid Muffin. I reached out to pet her but she was already gone. I was hysterical. I don’t understand she was perfectly healthy how could this be happening? After several hours of crying i realized something, if I hadn’t been wasted maybe she would still be here. Call me crazy but Muffin is my guardian angel who has sacrificed herself to show me the way to sobriety. I have vowed to never drink again. I will not let Muffin down.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve never lost an animal, and I can’t imagine the pain it gave.
I’m happy muffin sacrificed herself to save you though and proud that you’re finally ready to begin a new chapter. We’re here for you
I am so sorry for your loss.I understand the hurt you feel. But you cannot blame yourself for the loss of a beloved pet. That guilt is hard to get rid of, and can often drive us to do things we will regret. It is not your fault. I know it won’t give you any closure, but sometimes these things just happen. I have a cat of my own, Oliver, and I cant imagine losing him. But remember that the loss of Muffin, while it brought you to a good place (here), is not your fault.
But the fact that you are trying to get better now is amazing! I’m sure I can speak for everyone in saying that we are glad to have you here! 
Welcome to TS, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. As a life long dog parent I unfortunately know your pain.
I’m glad you’re here and have realized it is time for a change. This is a great community with amazing people and so much great information and advice. Although you are dealing with the horrible tragedy of losing a pet, it should give you some comfort knowing that you will be able to remember muffin with a clear and sober mind if you stick with your decision to stop drinking.
Hi and welcome! I know all to well the pain of wanting to stop but feel bad and maybe a little guilty that being a good mom isn’t enough to stop us. Even when it was obvious that it’s time to stop, we don’t and find excuses. I think that your kitty-baby was a real fear in your mind of what could have been worse. Now. You did it. You made the right decision to stop. Now. The next step is to make a plan. Coming on her is a fantastic first step. But as I always say, if we don’t drink like normal people, we can’t quit like normal people. There are many fabulous and wise people on here that can help you! Don’t be afraid to ask questions 
Welcome. I am sorry a sad event brought u here, but if it makes u face ur drinking it may be a good thing in some ways. Drinking harms our beloved children in many ways, but even this may not make us stop. Read around, use the magnifying glass icon to search and get some info. There is a daily thread where we count days and support each other.
Thank you everyone for the kind and accepting words. I joined this group the end of July and this is the first time I’m actually ready to change and its refreshing to see how supportive you all are!
Just read this the other day and thought you might appreciate it after reading your story. Be thankful for the blessing your sweet kitty gave to you and allow this to make you stronger 
Cats And You: The Secret Healing Powers of Cats
Written by Caroline Connor
Most people generally think that cats do nothing, are lazy and all they do is eat and sleep. Not so! Did you know that cats have a specific job to perform in your life? Did you ever wonder why so many people have cats nowadays, more so than dogs?
Here’s an unknown tip inside the secret life of cats. All cats are empowered to remove accumulated negative energy from your body on a daily basis. While you are sleeping, they absorb it from your body. If there is more than one person in the family, and only one cat, it may accumulate an overload of negativity from absorbing energy from so many people.
When they sleep, a cat’s body releases the negativity that it removed from you. If you are extremely stressed out, they may not have had enough time to release this negative energy, therefore it is stored as fat until they can. Therefore, they will become overweight — and you thought it was the food that you were feeding them!
It is good to have more than one cat in the household so the burden is shared among them. They also guard you at night so no unwanted spirits can enter the room while you are asleep. That is why they like to sleep on your bed. If they think you are doing fine, they will not sleep that night with you. If there is something strange going on, they will all jump in bed with you and surround you.
If a person comes in the house and they pick up they are there to harm your auric field or are of the dark forces, they will surround you to protect you. When my cat began doing to this me, I couldn’t figure why they stayed on top of me or at my feet at times. Through channeling, I was told they were protecting me. So, my ears and eyes are more aware of what my cats are doing when someone enters my house. If they run up to the person, smell them and want to be petted, I know I can relax.
Pay Back Time
If you do not have a cat, and a stray comes along, it is because you have a need for one in the home at that particular time. The stray has volunteered to help you and has sought you out. Thank the cat for picking your household for its work.
If you have other cats and cannot take the stray in, find a home for it. It is very inexpensive to put an ad in the paper. The cat came to you for a reason, unknown to you on the physical level, but in the dream state you can see it and the reason for their appearance at that time, if you want to know it. Sometimes there is a karmic debt it must pay back to you. It may have eaten you in another lifetime and must make it up to you by protecting you in this lifetime. So, don’t be so quick to shoo them away. They will have to come back one way or another to fulfill this obligation.
Cats Heal You
In the days of Atlantis, the healers used crystals in their work. The crystals were used as a transmitter for healing. When the healers visited outlying villages, they could not use their crystals for the people were very suspicious of them and thought they were using black magic. Since they were not permitted to use the crystals, the healers would carry a cat with them as it performed the same function as the crystal. The people were not afraid of cats and they willing allowed them into their homes. So, the cat has been used numerous times in the healing arts.
Hello and welcome to the TS community. Most drinkers who have children can identify with your terror and guilt of being blackout drunk while your children who love you unconditionally depend on you for their safety and welfare. You risked losing one or all of your children to tragedy or the courts. Whatever you put before your sobriety will be the second thing you lose. Imagine how wonderful it will feel to be forever free of the anxiety caused by the poison alcohol. I am sorry that you lost your beloved and loyal pet. It is honorable that you are dedicating your sobriety to Muffin. You can do this!
Welcome!!! I am sorry to hear about Muffin…I know what you mean, exactly to the letter. My cat Hermès is the same with me and I got a kitten for my girlfriend named Karma and both are certified Emotional Support Animals and besides the benefits which is nice, I was able to bring my guardian with me to my new apartment because they are certified. I don’t know what I would do without him. He was there for me in my darkest times. Keep posting and stay active! Best of luck and be blessed and don’t forget to smile, even when you feel like you can’t 
I lost my cat Lucky about 2 years ago. When he died I realized how many moments I was not there for him because I was addicted. But just his loss was not enough for me to stay clean even though that was my goal. But I am since constantly learning and improving my habits, reading, meditating, exercising, journaling and all the time searching for things/activities that can help me.
I did a paper not to long ago on cats, I have always had a fascination with them. I knew about the healing properties and with energy. It might sound crazy to everyone, but I did have a dark entity in my home and it was upstairs in my old room ,3 floors up… I switched rooms to the basement which was directly below the room. I’ve had many people stay over in my old room and not said a word to them about what I experienced while sleeping there, each person had an ominous feeling when staying in that room, from feelings of being watched, nightmares, shadows, etc.
so one night my girlfriend slept over and stayed with me in my current room and my cat has always been so skidding and looking at things I couldn’t see and sometimes even running over towards shadows that I did see and I feel he confirmed. So one night my girlfriend woke up to a biting sensation on her elbow, she woke me up and said she think Hermès bit her (he likes to bite toes) so I got up to move Hermès out of the room but he wasn’t there, I went to the main area of the basement which was like a living room and saw that Hermès was up on his tree house sleeping. Next night I also received a bite (after making fun of my girlfriend the other night) I figured whatever entity was upstairs wouldn’t come down but it seemed I was wrong. I had nightmares prior to these bites and weird feelings of weight on my bed as if someone laid down and once I received a hug…that’s why I got Hermès in the first place besides him helping me with my sobriety and ptsd. So anyways, Hermès was always on guard and skittish when there was no need. I ended up moving out of the house to a Victorian home 5 family apartment, where the landlord has over 8 cats that roam the property. I brought Hermès over to my apartment the same day we got a kitten named Karma so they could both explore their new homes together and have no territory issues. Anyways, again sorry for being so long, I immediately noticed that Hermès was more relaxed, more playful (partly due to the kitten) but he stopped reacting to loud noises or when I go to pet him now when he’s resting, he doesn’t get startled anymore either. I believe cats have the power you speak of and I notice such a change in mine and myself to without this dark energy dragging me down