I drank one bottle of Gallo wine last night after an argument I had with my partner. It could have been worse, but I knew I needed to stop. So, I walked 5 miles last night. I left on foot to keep me from driving, but it was a dangerous walk on road like highway. The longest period of sobriety lasted for 2 years. I get upset and immediately want to drink. I believe my anger was so strong last night that I didn’t feel drunk at all. I hate putting alcohol in me, I feel terrible that I drank, but, I feel good that I stopped at the one bottle. I got this app to keep me accountable. My hope is to stop drinking.
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I’m sorry. I’ve stopped a long time and started back before too.
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Welcome to the community. Here are lots of resources and stories - read around.
Taking it one day at a time. If this is too long, cutting down into smaller chunks can help.
What let you go back to the bottle after your 2 years of sobriety?
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It now always stems from an argument that I’ve had with my partner. I will bring up something usually days after an incident has happened, I’ll tell him would you not do that again, it isn’t helpful. He then asks me to explain, I explain my point very quickly with few words. My answers are never enough for him. He will then explain why he did or said this. Gets upset about whatever I’ve brought up and pick apart my words by then end of it I’m angry, and frustrated because it’s never easy. I hold things in my mind for a long time and once I’m calm on the inside, I attempt to bring up a discussion. The discussion never goes smoothly and it ends up in an argument and me being very angry and needing to calm down I turn to drinking so I can pass out.
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Bottling up or numbing feelings will only work for some time. We are all here to learn how to deal with them in a healthy way.
Therapy, meetings online or f2f, interacting here, reading recovery lit, listening to sobriety podcasts or getting out into nature to get some steam off can help.
You will read here often that we cannot do it alone. And I think that is true.
I can understand that getting nowhere by discussing with your partner is frustrating. But the situation is always still the same the next morning being hungover, I guess.
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One of the things I learned the hard way is that people really hate being called out on things they did wrong. Especially days / weeks / months / years after an incident. Bringing things up that happened a while ago is rarely going to turn into a productive discussion. Your partner probably finds it exhausting being constantly on egde waiting for you to remember something he did days ago annoyed you, which puts him in a permanent state of defensiveness.
I read this thing a while back about ‘fair arguing’, which basically means sticking to the current event, not bringing up what annoyed you weeks ago.
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In the future, maybe consider it this way: If I drink when I’m angry, it’s like punching myself in the face, since it hurts me, not the one I’m angry with. Who does that?
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You are correct. I have a bad habit of stewing over things and bringing them up days later, when I should address the issue when it happens. I hate myself for bringing it up and now I’m stuck away from my partner because I’ve isolated myself from him yet again. I’ll will stay away from him for days. I’ve ruined most good things in my life.
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I do things like drinking alcohol once I’m angry.
I’m so glad you joined. I was in a relationship like yours for many years, a relationship I’m now grateful for as it took me to a spiritual bottom and led me to recovery.
What you seem to be experiencing is a narcissistic partner. They are everywhere. I started reading about narcissistic partners (there are MANY) books to get a better understand on two things. . .
Why their behaviors impact me the way they do, and why do I continue to stick around for more abuse?
Why they behave the way they do? (After you’ve started to heal yourself from their abuse and gaslighting).
It never hurts to explore these two above once you are made aware and can accept what is. You will never be able to change their behavior, and you really shouldn’t want to, but that’s where this type of inner work can lead you. It’s true freedom from our very destructive minds.
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Try ameeting might help with your Anger issues wish you well
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Welcome to a supportive and helpful community. It’s made a big difference in my own journey. I hope you find support and advice that will help you. There’s a lot here.
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This may be a helpful thread….
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I do the exact same thing. It’s so stupid but I’ve been working really hard on cutting down the time I stew over things to no more than 24 hours and that has really really helped.
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Acknowledging there’s a problem with the way we handle things can be a first step towards getting better. I’ve ruined more things than I can count. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m glad you’re here and fighting to become a better version yourself. It’s not easy.
Thank you, I’m not too sure about the meetings.
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I’ve planned on attending church this Sunday as a start. I grew up in a very religious household (JW) and it’s time for me to stop ignoring the signs I’ve been receiving lately. I’ve ignored God and Jesus, because I’ve never felt anything. I’ve made some very bad choices and thought that God didn’t care about me anymore. These thoughts were my mistakes. I don’t plan to go to rehab as I know I can stop and I’ve done it before. This time I’m going to try it with help from God. Thank you for your concern, this is a nice place to be. I appreciate everyone’s suggestions, it’s very nice to be cared about, I know that most people want to help and I am open to letting people in my life.
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Welcome. You may want to try a SMART meeting. There are lots online if you think AA isn’t for you.
I agree though your partner sounds narcissistic. I was in a abusive relationship for eight years with a narcissist.