I have been clean for well over a year. In fact, I’m a few months short of two years. I quit cold turkey. Some of you may remember me. It was a badge of honor to say that I was no longer chained to nicotine. I got past my 3’s (3 days, weeks, months) and eventually there were months I didn’t even think of a cigarette. That was something I never thought was possible. The smell was offensive to me. I hated walking past people smoking by the front doors of stores.
But here I am, smoking a cigarette as I type this. I can list everything. All the reasons why I started again. Some of them are valid, but the majority of them are justification.
So, I have come back with my tail tucked underneath my legs. Bless me Talking Sober, for I have sinned. I keep setting a quiet date. However, an hour into it I get so scared. It comes down to I have moved to a new State, don’t have a therapist yet and haven’t been unable to unpack my things after a few months. The house I inherited should have been condemned. But I’m gutting it by myself and the stress is too much. I thought I only had cigarettes to ground me, when in fact I have too many skills I’ve ignored. One of them is reaching out to you all. So here I am, vulnerable and trying. But like my handle says: I can and I will—again.
Glad to see you back!
Have you read “Alan Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking”.
You can smoke while you read it.
You’ve got nothing to lose
It’s good to see you. Nicotine is an insidious lying killing bastard of an addiction. Maybe the toughest one to break of all. No shame. Positive action instead. The quitting smoking thread here is actually getting quite some traffic right now. Hope to see you there!
I haven’t, and I always love new books to add to my library! I will check it out. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thank you! 
Thank you for the kind words and suggestions. I will definitely be frequenting the page, that’s for sure.
Welcome back! It’s good to see you returning to where you know you can get support when you’re struggling. Good on you!
27 years clean and a brand new day and a half nicotine free recovery person here. I’ll gladly go through this process with you.
It is a process for sure. Took me a long while to quit my 2-3 pack a day 30 year habit, but am now going on 14 years nicotine free. It CAN be done.
A huge 2nd for reading Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking…helped me a lot. Sugar free Lifesavers are just that as well. Physical exercise also helped…sounds like you have your hands full there!! Support was so helpful as well, back then there was Quitnet, sadly they are no more. Here is great and glad you reached out.
I found lots of reasons to go back over and over and my #1 thing I also did over and over was I never stopped quitting. When I would smoke again, I would quit again. Might not be everyone’s way, but it was mine.
Keep quitting. You CAN get over nicotine. 
I had tried everything, and that book worked for me!
Ensure to read all of it. You’ve really got nothing to lose