OK! I’ve lurked, I’ve wandered the internet looking for local meetings, I’ve woken up hung over, again. I want today to be the last time so I’m trying to reach out and keep myself accountable.
Drinking has become an every day, uncontrollable beast. I managed to do a “dry December” (first time in decades!) last year by pretending it was as support for a friend. It was really just for me, but I wish I had a friend who would support me in this! I’ve only been able to mention it a couple times, being unhappy with drinking too much and too often, but the people I’ve told brushed it off like no big deal. I’m so ashamed and each time I try to tell someone and it goes nowhere I feel even more embarrassed. I told my partner, she knows it’s something I’ve struggled with for years, and asked her to check in with me sometimes/just make talking about it less terrifying, because the only time I can get brave enough to say anything is when it’s at a new bottom and I’m crushed to share only the failures, but that was over a month ago and she wont talk about it at all.
Today is a good day to stop, but I’m really scared. My kid won’t be home for 5 days, so I’m hoping I’m over the worst of the physical crap by the time they’re back. But what if I’m not? It’s hard to take it one day at a time when there’s a deadline looming. I’ve got to do it, and there’s no other time I’ll have a window like this, so I guess today is the day. I wish it was yesterday, but I guess that today is better than tomorrow.
I hope I can come back to this post in the future and see how far I’ve gone.
I’m starting day one today as well, i have had so so many but I want it to stick this time, I love sober sleep the best, but as soon as I start to feel better I feel like I need a reward! Which is ridiculous considering it poison!!! Lets do this!!
We’ve all been there my friend. The point where I realize that I can’t do this any more. I have to stop. For me, that was the start of the journey. From there, I went to a group counselling centre, I joined a twelve-step meeting, I got some sobriety friends from there (who have become close friends since I met them), and I take it one day at a time. (Also my wife and I got marriage counselling: there was a lot of imbalance and dysfunction I caused by my neglect during my addiction. I learned to communicate better and to be an equal partner.)
Well done, friend, chosing to make today the day and come here for support! Even if you are not done by the time your kid is back - there’s never gonna be a better day. That’s future tripping. You’ll manage when you get there.
When I started, I made a list of all the things I could gain by not drinking. I also made a list of all the things I hated about having to drink. I looked at both every time I was at risk to cave. It helped me to keep walking forward. And you’ve got good company here. We are all walking in the same direction
I’ve been there myself. I have tried in the past to stop on my own also having no one to really talk to. For a decade plus I struggled. I didn’t really start to see the light at the end of the tunnel until I started going to some AA meetings. AA isn’t for everyone but for me personally it was incredibly valuable listening to people who have been in my shoes reassure me how much better life got for them as they continued to work their program. You won’t feel alone in those meetings and that’s been a huge help for me. I wish quite honestly I tried AA sooner. You can listen and speak when you feel ready. I physically feel like a weight is lifted off my chest every time I leave a meeting. Some people are able to do it on their own but as I navigate sobriety myself Ive noticed those people are few and far between.
As humans, we cab DO things, we can FEEL things, and we can THINK things.
Once I realized that these 3 things can be independent of each other, I was able to change my addiction. I realized my feelings did not have to control my thinking or my actions, I began a recovery journey. No longer did I immediately act on an urge to drink.
I recognized the urge, thought about where it came from, and looked for actions to change my attitude and behavior around it.
Hi there, I’m doing… ok? I am still here, and it’s day 3, so that’s a start! Feels like I’m getting a cold or something, but waking up not hungover and checking in here instead feels good. Thanks for asking. I hope things are going well for you today too!
@justdoit1, if it’s a friend you need, you have a whole community here. For what it’s worth, my name is Chris and I’ve been sober for 12 years and 22 days. Welcome to the community! The following might seem like some hokey BS, but sometimes it’s what we need to hear.
Know that you are among friends who care about you whether you make a mistake or not. Find a sobriety program that works for you. Listen to (or read) what people are saying and see how that can help you. Be accountable to yourself and find someone who is there for you. Your drinking may have created distrust, so understand that there may be skepticism in the part of others. Ask them for support without judgement. The damage we’ve done to ourselves is not just physical, but very much mental and emotional damage. Work on yourself and not others. Best of luck to you. Make the same choice each day to not drink and find a way to enjoy life. As for feeling sick, yep it’s part of detoxing. See a doctor and let them know you’ve stopped drinking. They’ll have some good advice hopefully.
today is day 7, and I am starting to believe I can handle the physical withdrawal, now on to the rest of it.