Oh my goodness. I have to reset again. it’s not like anything bad happened… no negativity, but it’s just the fact that I can start to see a pattern. And it’s scaring me, and i’m trying to, it’s too hard, and I feel really guilty for having a couple of drinks last night. I feel like such a bad person..
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You’re not a bad person. This is not what it’s about. But maybe you need to ask yourself how bad you actually want to be sober.
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Hello don’t sweat it you’re all the way good! Don’t stress or be too hard on yourself today’s a new day. You can do this! Take care and have a good day. 
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I feel my best when im sober, like ive mentioned in a previous post I find summer to be triggering. Im alao trying to cut down on my weed consumption. I find myself wanting to unwind with something and my stupid alcoholic brain keep talking. And then I wake up and hate myself for letting it win. Alot of my coworkers drink amd my partner does on occasion hes more normal that way. Feeling a little defeated 
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Hm. Sounds like you kinda like being sober, but I dont get the vibe that you need to be sober and there’s just no other way.
I was lucky in that I knew I had to get sober. There was no other option. I had to get into my therapy or I would probably off myself and I knew it wouldn’t work if I kept drinking. Cos drinking and drugging mask our actual deep down hidden shit and I knew I had to let all my shit come up.
Maybe you’re “fine”, drinking here and there, its just not bad enough of a situation. you’re also continuing to stay numb w weed, which is the absolute same as alcohol, you’re using it so as to escape yourself.
I get you’d “rather” be sober cos it feels better. But I don’t get the feeling that you really want to be and nothing else will do.
Sobriety doesn’t initially feel better when you’re coming out of an addiction. Maybe for the occasional drinker, but not us. When you’ve used alcohol and drugs to detach from your pain, sobriety means that pain will come up and it’s going to hit you hard, over a long time, and you’ll have to learn about it and yourself and in the long run that pain is going to get understood, worked through and metabolised, but it’s not a mainly pleasant process. It’s rewarding and the right things to do, and eventually it is the only way, but it’s not really pleasant-feeling per se.
I think you’re not ready to go there. Which is human, very understandable, we’re all exactly where we are, no judgement. But even to begin getting on the way there, where you’re more ready to commit to this process, you need more motivation, it needs to be bad enough that the pain of staying the same is bigger than the pain of change. And ofc I hope you get there soon. You’re not a bad person, just stuck. Try to connect w yourself, self awarenes is hard to come by for any addict, myself I struggle w it still, my therapist has hit me over the head a my own denial hundreds of times. But work on that. Being truthful w yourself and accountable. Good luck.
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I appreciate your words,
you definitely do not know my history. Im a recovering addict as well as person who used to drink a 26 a day. I had a DUI two Februarys ago and lost my license and had to pay a hefty fine as well as take the RDP course. Im struggling right now with the urge to drink… like last night. And things in my general life are not bad. I have my place, good job, good relationship my health … but still struggling. You do not have to be at a rock bottom to still struggle. I was at rock bottom in my life a few times, homelessness addiction … pulled myself out went ro treatment, got my education. But still struggle.
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Maybe try ameeting might help ,helped me get sober and stay sober for decades wish you well
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I look up to the fact you made a relaps post
You do NOT need to feel bad and your not a bad person
I do however came up with something that might help
You want to be sober
You know you are a addict alcoholic
You see a pattern for morning
So you come here to vent here
At a site that is called talking SOBER
You need to take responsibility for yourself
You know you want to stop
Maybe ask yourself if you like drinking
Your here
And we would love to have your experience and hope
At
Talking SOBER
How about as long as you like talking sober you don’t drink
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It takes alot to reach out and post about ones struggles. Is this not a safe place any more? So what your saying is dont be here if you have a slip? Not allowed to reach out? Only people that have days sober are allowed to be here?
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He knows all about coming back after a relapse rather than before. He’s talking to you from a place of lived experience. He’s put together a pretty good stretch of sobriety so rather than be defensive you might want to understand him.
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Hi Button… I’m sorry you are struggling. The last thing I would expect from a recovery platform is pusback no matter where you are at in YOUR process ! I don’t make the rules 
As an alcoholic I love making rules, not following them. lol As we say in AA get what you need and leave the rest. I pray you continue your recovery endeavors 
If you needed a drink to reach out ….. WELCOME 
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Keep up the fight. You have done it before, you can do it again. It is hard, but it is worth the effort - you know. Never give up
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I’m not trying to make it feel like a unsafe space
I’m trying to show you something my friend
I’m trying to show you that you like to post on talking sober but maybe you should stay sober and I’m trying to hold you accountable. That last time was safe and ok but when will it not be?
I’ve been a little harsh on here. I’ll try to clean that up.
When people piss me off about my relaps or sobriety, I’ve learned to not drink and to not drug AT THEM.
remember not to pick up no matter what ok.
I’d like to see you post more, wether it’s a relaps or advice. There’s always something to learn
Something I do is try too hard to make a point. I think I needs more compassion in my strategies.
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@Button83 im rooting for you
What @Faugxh said resonated with me. I had multiple bottoms and upswings and downswings but i had to get to a point where there was no other option in my mind but to change. That meant veing uncomfortable and finding support here and in the rooms of aa.
I didnt see @Faugxh words as judging your life experiences but more a state of mind
Craving and the insanity is hard. Getting sober is hard. Everyone gets to pick their hard
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A relapse sucks and makes us feel so bad but that does not mean that you are bad. You are dealing with an addiction.
I am glad you are here and resetting your timer. Stick with us and your recovery tools. I see too many people starting to feel comfortable in recovery and think that the tools that helped them get to whatever point they may be at is good enough and they are cured. I Never made it more than a few days before getting sober this last time and am so very grateful to this community that I latched on like my life literally depended on it. Find your path and what works for you. We do need community and support in this as we can not do this solo… the addict voice is too devious and strong and we need our support to help us through.
You are not alone! I do hope to see you posting more and stacking up the days. ODAAT 
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Hey Button.
Glad you checked in. I always miss seeing you around the forum.
I see there’s been some back and forth here from a lot of caring concerned addicts to another.
Maybe you’re right where your suppose to be in this journey.
I hope you don’t go dark on us like your avatar. I miss that smiling face and that twinkle in your eye. I think you’ll figure it out. I know you will.
Give McCoy a pet from me will ya
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How are you today @Button83? You are on, your journey to sobriety. And it is not easy. If it was there be no need for a AA or TS. I have many reset too and you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just learn, gather more tools and try again .And I hope you never have another reset ever again.
Big . Hoping this post finds you past day one. Stay sober with me today. Do what ever it takes to go to bed sober tonight. We will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. You can do one day with me, right?
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Been there many times. Are you going to meetings? I know they sometimes suck really hard, but they do actually work, eventually. Sometimes they don’t work right away or you have to go to more of them, or different ones. I have this theory about why meetings work. I think if you go to enough of them, it sends the message to your subconcious that the group is now your tribe. Our brains basically see belonging to a tribe as being necessary to survival, so if you go to enough meetings, you will eventually start to see drinking as a threat to your survival, and it will lose its appeal. It literally IS a threat to your survival, but your subconcious doesn’t really believe that, because it’s been trained to associate alcohol with a sense of belonging, and evolution has programmed us to value that sense of belonging over anything else. That, in my opinion, is why meetings work, eventually, if you go to enough of them. They would call it a “miracle”, but, same difference, i feel like. Studies show that MOST recovering addicts and alcoholics relapse a number of times, but participation in 12- step programs leads to less loneliness and less drinking over time. So, it does work, it just doesn’t always result in a one- and- done thing, for most people. It doesn’t mean you did it wrong, or you don’t really want it bad enough, or anything like that. Just go to more meetings, and one day it really will just click. One day you’ll find you just don’t want to drink anymore. It’s literally that simple. Yeah, the meetings can be tedious, but if you stick with it, the payoff really is huge.
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Really glad you are here today, and starting over. I agree with coming here to post first, before you pick up. You see a pattern, you can get out in front of that. That is tremendous growth. One more step is to come here. If you’ve never noticed the pattern before, that’s a place to begin again. For me, once I could take action beforehand, I could make it stick better.
Is it possible you don’t think you deserve the peace of sobriety? Are you feeling down about something? It’s hard to get down into the weeds sometimes because our brains set up traps and false equivalencies, denial, etc. And sometimes I would relapse because things were going well…and deep down I didn’t think I deserved it, so I relapsed. Just pulled out all the supports I worked so hard to build and let the roof drop on my head. That was one of my patterns. It was unconscious.
I hope you stay as we enjoy your presence here. I always smile when I see your posts.
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Online NA meetings everyday for me, no desire to drink today, NA helps to not have to pick up again.
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