Hello, my name is Chipper. I’m 41 from West Virginia and coming up on 11 months clean. Life is good and I am grateful to be alive. So glad I found a forum of like minded people trying to stay sober.
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Welcome. I am glad you found your way here and hope you will stay to heal, learn, share and grow. 11 months is a great start to a lifelong journey. Keep getting better at getting better!
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Hell yeah 11 months! Welcome to the site!
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My name is Doug. I’ve been lying about cocaine Adderall xanax and alcohol use. I’ve lied to my pregnant wife over and over and I reached rock bottom on Monday. I went on a 2 day golf and cocaine binge. I’ve been Journaling trying to find the root of why I feel the need to lie. I was teased for my raspy voice a lot as a child and I got my jaw broken and almost beat to death by 5 idiots in Tallahassee. I have unresolved trauma and I’m trying to figure out why I do what I do. my first sober day was Monday. I stopped smoking pot about a month ago when I got fired from Mayo Clinic. so losing a job with a 8 month preg wife has put an immense stressor in addition to this covid nonsense. I was drinking whiskey and doing cocaine alone like a loser but I’m done with the hard stuff. nothing but my SSRI, and maybe a glass of wine here and there, but nothing until a few months after the baby is born. I’m looking forward to joining a support community.
thank you for your time,
Doug
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Welcome 
You can do it!!!
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thank you sir! I HAVE TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON SO I CAN SHOW UP FOR MY WIFE AND BY NEWBORN. my behavior is unacceptable but i got lost. I don’t know I do the things I do. I’m trying to find the root, but I appreciate your kind words. thank you sir.
I can only speak for myself so…
Once I started checking my ego and addressing. Y mental health life quickly began to get better and manageable
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yes my ego and I have some battles ahead of us. but guess what? I will prevail and be the man my wonderful angel of a wife deserves. I never want to make her cry tears(unless they’re happy tears). that’s one of my goals.
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So glad you’ve found the forum and the courage to speak about what you’re going through!
I think we’ve all been at a point in our addictions, where we’ve told ourselves “no more hard stuff” and have gone to wine, spirits and beer, only to find that it’s really not what we drink, it’s how we drink.
If you think you have a problem, a glass of wine here and there, will not sustain itself.
I wish you the best on your journey, Doug!
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Also, Welcome Chipper!
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Hi Ronnie welcome here and congratulations with the 11 months clean! 
And a warm welcome for @df1824 as well! I have a question for you Doug. Am I reading this correct:
Are you making the decision to start drinking/using after your baby is born?
I meant no more drugs at all, but I think sharing an occasional glass of wine with my wife won’t be an issue for me. I know the coke has to go but they done necessarily go hand in hand for me. I’ve always been able to have a drink or two and not go any further, until I met people who had the harder drugs and started hanging around them. I’m too afraid of hangovers to be a big drinker, it was just mixing the two
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maybe I should clarify. I’m not addicted to alcohol. there are week stretches where i don’t drink at all. or when I did, I could have a single drink. it’s mainly the powder and the pills I mentioned earlier always were mixed with alcohol. which is why I’m not messing with the coke guys nor am I refilling my prescriptions. I haven’t like smoking pot for a while now. but I’m setting the alcohol aside with everything for the time being. I’d say my number 1 addiction was coke.
I am so glad you have recognized that cocaine is your DOC and that in order to not loose EVERYTHING, you need to change.
My true addiction was alcohol. But truth is, cigarettes go great with alcohol and it wasn’t until fully understood that smoking cigarettes made me crave that drink and that the cigarettes were a trigger for my drinking, that I was able to give up both and move forward.
Be careful. There are many many people on this forum who relapsed on alcohol only to end up being triggered to do coke and end up calling their dealer. So many posts about it in the last year on this forum about alcohol leading to cocaine use.
I don’t know you, I don’t know your story and I could be wrong wrong wrong…but be wary and alert of your triggers for coke. Sometimes they pop up in unexpected places, like a shared glass of red wine.
I wish you luck and congrats on your new tiny human about to come into this world. 
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thank you for your advice, I will very much consider it and keep it close to my heart.
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