Just for Today in Narcotics Anonymous

[Edmund]

September 18th

Honest relationships

“One of the most profound changes in our lives is in the realm of personal relationships.”
Basic Text, p. 57

Recovery gives many of us relationships that are closer and more intimate than any we’ve had before. As time passes, we find ourselves gravitating toward those who eventually become our friends, our sponsor, and our partners in life. Shared laughter, tears, and struggles bring shared respect and lasting empathy.

What, then, do we do when we find that we don’t agree with our friends on everything? We may discover that we don’t share the same taste in music as our dearest friend, or that we don’t agree with our spouse about how the furniture should be arranged, or even find ourselves voting differently from our sponsor at a service committee meeting. Does conflict mean that the friendship, the marriage, or the sponsorship is over? No!

These types of conflict are not only to be expected in any long-lasting relationship but are actually an indication that both people are emotionally healthy and honest individuals. In any relationship where both people agree on absolutely everything, chances are that only one person is doing the thinking. If we sacrifice our honesty and integrity to avoid conflicts or disagreements, we give away the best of what we bring to our relationships. We experience the full measure of partnership with another human being when we are fully honest.

Just for today: I will welcome the differences that make each one of us special. Today, I will work on being myself.

[Edmund]

September 19th

Fellowship

“In NA, our joys are multiplied by sharing good days; our sorrows are lessened by sharing the bad. For the first time in our lives, we don’t have to experience anything alone.”
IP No. 16, For the Newcomer

When we practice using the steps and the other tools of our program to work through our hardships, we become able to take pleasure in the joys of living clean. But our joys pass all too quickly if we don’t share them with others, while hardships borne alone may be long in passing. In the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, we often multiply our joys and divide our burdens by sharing them with one another.

We addicts experience pleasures in recovery that, sometimes, only another addict can appreciate. Fellow members understand when we tell them of the pride we take today in fulfilling commitments, the warmth we feel in mending damaged relationships, the relief we experience in not having to use drugs to make it through the day. When we share these experiences with recovering addicts and they respond with similar stories, our joy is multiplied. The same principle applies to the challenges we encounter as recovering addicts. By sharing our challenges and allowing other NA members to share their strength with us, our load is lightened.

The fellowship we have in Narcotics Anonymous is precious. Sharing together, we enhance the joys and diminish the burdens of life in recovery.

Just for today: I will share my joys and my burdens with other recovering addicts. I will also share in theirs. I am grateful for the strong bonds of fellowship in Narcotics Anonymous.

[Edmund]

September 20th

Courage to change

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Serenity Prayer

Recovery involves change, and change means doing things differently. The problem is, many of us resist doing things differently; what we’re doing may not be working, but at least we’re familiar with it. It takes courage to step out into the unknown. How do we find that courage?

We can look around ourselves at NA meetings. There, we see others who’ve found they needed to change what they were doing and who’ve done so successfully. Not only does that help quiet our fear that change—any change—spells disaster, it also gives us the benefit of their experience with what does work, experience we can use in changing what doesn’t.

We can also look at our own recovery experience. Even if that experience, so far, has been limited to stopping the use of drugs, still we have made many changes in our lives—changes for the good. Whatever aspects of our lives we have applied the steps to, we have always found surrender better than denial, recovery superior to addiction.

Our own experience and the experience of others in NA tells us that “changing the things I can” is a big part of what recovery is all about. The steps and the power to practice them give us the direction and courage we need to change. We have nothing to fear.

Just for today: I welcome change. With the help of my Higher Power, I will find the courage to change the things I can.

[Edmund]

September 21st

Prayer

“Prayer takes practice, and we should remind ourselves that skilled people were not born with their skills.”
Basic Text, p. 46

Many of us came into recovery with no experience in prayer and worried about not knowing the “right words.” Some of us remembered the words we’d learned in childhood but weren’t sure we believed in those words anymore. Whatever our background, in recovery we struggled to find words that spoke truly from our hearts.

Often the first prayer we attempt is a simple request to our Higher Power asking for help in staying clean each day. We may ask for guidance and courage or simply pray for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out. If we find ourselves stumbling in our prayers, we may ask other members to share with us about how they learned to pray. No matter whether we pray in need or pray in joy, the important thing is to keep making the effort.

Our prayers will be shaped by our experience with the Twelve Steps and our personal understanding of a Higher Power. As our relationship with that Higher Power develops, we become more comfortable with prayer. In time, prayer becomes a source of strength and comfort. We seek that source often and willingly.

Just for today: I know that prayer can be simple. I will start where I am and practice.

[Edmund]

September 22nd

Keeping the gift

“Life takes on a new meaning when we open ourselves to this gift.”
Basic Text, p. 107

Neglecting our recovery is like neglecting any other gift we’ve been given. Suppose someone gave you a new car. Would you let it sit in the driveway until the tires rotted? Would you just drive it, ignoring routine maintenance, until it expired on the road? Of course not! You would go to great lengths to maintain the condition of such a valuable gift.

Recovery is also a gift, and we have to care for it if we want to keep it. While our recovery doesn’t come with an extended warranty, there is a routine maintenance schedule. This maintenance includes regular meeting attendance and various forms of service. We’ll have to do some daily cleaning—our Tenth Step—and, once in a while, a major Fourth Step overhaul will be required. But if we maintain the gift of recovery, thanking the Giver each day, it will continue.

The gift of recovery is one that grows with the giving. Unless we give it away, we can’t keep it. But in sharing our recovery with others, we come to value it all the more.

Just for today: My recovery is a gift, and I want to keep it. I’ll do the required maintenance, and I’ll share my recovery with others.

[Edmund]

September 23rd

Dealing with gossip

“In accordance with the principles of recovery, we try not to judge, stereotype, or moralize with each other.”
Basic Text, p. 11

Let’s face it: In Narcotics Anonymous, we live in a glass house of sorts. Our fellow members know more about our personal lives than anyone has ever known before. They know who we spend our time with, where we work, what step we’re on, how many children we have, and so forth. And what our fellow members don’t know, they will probably imagine.

We may be unhappy when others gossip about us. But if we withdraw from the fellowship and isolate ourselves to avoid gossip, we also rob ourselves of the love, friendship, and unparalleled experience with recovery that our fellow members have to offer. A better way to deal with gossip is to simply accept the way things are and the way we are, and live our lives according to principles. The more secure we become with our personal program, the decisions we make, and the guidance we receive from a loving God, the less the opinions of others will concern us.

Just for today: I am committed to being involved in the NA Fellowship. The opinions of others will not affect my commitment to recovery.

[Edmund]

September 24th

A growing concept of God

“The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring, and greater than ourselves. We don’t have to be religious to accept this idea. The point is that we open our minds to believe.”
Basic Text, p. 24

In a lifelong process of coming to believe, our understanding of God will change. The understanding we have when new in recovery will not be the same when we have a few months clean, nor will that understanding be the same when we have a few years clean.

Our initial understanding of a Power greater than ourselves will most likely be limited. That Power will keep us clean but, we may think, nothing more. We may hesitate to pray because we have placed conditions on what we will ask our Higher Power to do for us. “Oh, this stuff is so awful, even God couldn’t do anything,” we might say, or “God’s got a lot of people to take care of. There’s no time for me.”

But, as we grow in recovery, so will our understanding. We’ll begin to see that the only limits to God’s love and grace are those we impose by refusing to step out of the way. The loving God we come to believe in is infinite, and the power and love we find in our belief is shared by nearly every recovering addict around the world.

Just for today: The God I am coming to understand has a limitless capacity for love and care. I will trust that my God is bigger than any problem I may have.

[Edmund]

September 25th

The Fourth Step—fearing our feelings

“We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic.”
Basic Text, p. 30

A common complaint about the Fourth Step is that it makes us painfully conscious of our defects of character. We may be tempted to falter in our program of recovery. Through surrender and acceptance, we can find the resources we need to keep working the steps.

It’s not the awareness of our defects that causes the most agony—it’s the defects themselves. When we were using, all we felt was the drugs; we could ignore the suffering our defects were causing us. Now that the drugs are gone, we feel that pain. Refusing to acknowledge the source of our anguish doesn’t make it go away; denial protects the pain and makes it stronger. The Twelve Steps help us deal with the misery caused by our defects by dealing directly with the defects themselves.

If we hurt from the pain of our defects, we can remind ourselves of the nightmare of addiction, a nightmare from which we’ve now awakened. We can recall the hope for release the Second Step gave us. We can again turn our will and our lives over, through the Third Step, to the care of the God of our understanding. Our Higher Power cares for us by giving us the help we need to work the rest of the Twelve Steps. We don’t have to fear our feelings. Just for today, we can continue in our recovery.

Just for today: I won’t be afraid of my feelings. With the help of my Higher Power, I’ll continue in my recovery.

[Edmund]

September 26th

Seeing ourselves in others

“It will not make us better people to judge the faults of another.”
Basic Text, p. 38

How easy it is to point out the faults of others! There’s a reason for this: The defects we identify most easily in others are often the defects we are most familiar with in our own characters. We may notice our best friend’s tendency to spend too much money, but if we examine our own spending habits we’ll probably find the same compulsiveness. We may decide our sponsor is much too involved in service, but find that we haven’t spent a single weekend with our families in the past three months because of one service commitment or another.

What we dislike in our fellows are often those things we dislike most in ourselves. We can turn this observation to our spiritual advantage. When we are stricken with the impulse to judge someone else, we can redirect the impulse in such a way as to recognize our own defects more clearly. What we see will guide our actions toward recovery and help us become emotionally healthy and happy individuals.

Just for today: I will look beyond the character defects of others and recognize my own.

[Edmund]

September 27th

Right back up

“There is something in our self-destructive personalities that cries for failure.”
Basic Text, p. 80

“Poor me; woe is me; look at me, my life is such a mess! I’ve fallen, and no matter how hard I try, I continue to fail.” Many of us came to NA singing this sad refrain.

Life isn’t like that anymore. True, sometimes we still stumble; at times we even fall. Sometimes we feel like we can’t move forward in our lives, no matter how hard we try. But the truth of the matter is that, with the help of other recovering addicts in NA, we find a hand to pull us up, dust us off, and help us start all over again. That’s the new refrain in our lives today.

No longer do we say, “I’m a failure and I’m going nowhere.” Usually, it’s more like, “Rats! I hit that same bump in the road of life again. Pretty soon I’ll learn to slow down or avoid it entirely.” Until then, we may continue to fall down occasionally, but we’ve learned that there’s always a helping hand to set us on our feet again.

Just for today: If I begin to cry failure, I’ll remember there is a way to move forward. I will accept the encouragement and support of NA.

[Edmund]

September 28th

Hope

“Gradually, as we become more God-centered than self-centered, our despair turns to hope.”
Basic Text, p. 95

As using addicts, despair was our relentless companion. It colored our every waking moment. Despair was born of our experience in active addiction: No matter what measures we tried to make our lives better, we slid ever deeper into misery. Attempts we made to control our lives frequently met with failure. In a sense, our First Step admission of powerlessness was an acknowledgment of despair.

Steps Two and Three lead us gradually out of that despair and into new hope, the companion of the recovering addict. Having accepted that so many of our efforts to change have failed, we come to believe that there is a Power greater than ourselves. We believe this Power can—and will—help us. We practice the Second and Third Steps as an affirmation of our hope for a better life, turning to this Power for guidance. As we come to rely more and more on a Higher Power for the management of our day-to-day life, the despair arising from our long experiment with self-sufficiency disappears.

Just for today: I will reaffirm my Third Step decision. I know that, with a Higher Power in my life, there is hope.

[Edmund]

September 29th

Just for today

“When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably.”
Basic Text, p. 99

“Just for today”—it’s a comforting thought. If we try to live in the past, we may find ourselves torn by painful, disquieting memories. The lessons of our using are not the teachers we seek for recovery. Living in tomorrow means moving in with fear. We cannot see the shape of the secret future, and uncertainty brings worry. Our lives look overwhelming when we lose the focus of today.

Living in the moment offers freedom. In this moment, we know that we are safe. We are not using, and we have everything we need. What’s more, life is happening in the here and now. The past is gone and the future has yet to arrive; our worrying won’t change any of it. Today, we can enjoy our recovery, this very minute.

Just for today: I will stay in the here and now. Today—this moment—I am free.

[Edmund]

September 30th

Being ourselves

“Our real value is in being ourselves.”
Basic Text, p. 105

Over and over, we have tried to live up to the expectations of those around us. We may have been raised believing that we were okay if we earned good grades in school, cleaned our rooms, or dressed a certain way. Always wanting to belong and be loved, many of us spent a lot of time trying to fit in—yet we never quite seemed to measure up.

Now, in recovery, we are accepted as we are. Our real value to others is in being ourselves. As we work the steps, we learn to accept ourselves just as we are. Once this happens, we gain the freedom to become who we want to be.

We each have many good qualities we can share with others. Our experiences, honestly shared, help others find the level of identification they need to begin their recovery. We discover that we all have special gifts to offer those around us.

Just for today: My experience in recovery is the greatest gift I can give another addict. I will share myself honestly with others.

[Edmund]

October 1st

Not just a motivation for growth

“We learn that pain can be a motivating factor in recovery.”
Basic Text, p. 30

“Pain—who needs it!” we think whenever we’re in it. We see no good purpose for pain. It seems to be a pointless exercise in suffering. If someone happens to mention spiritual growth to us while we’re in pain, we most likely snort in disgust and walk away, thinking we’ve never encountered a more insensitive person.

But what if human beings didn’t feel pain—either physical or emotional? Sound like an ideal world? Not really. If we weren’t capable of feeling physical pain, we wouldn’t know when to blink foreign particles out of our eyes; we wouldn’t know when to stop exercising; we wouldn’t even know when to roll over in our sleep. We would simply abuse ourselves for lack of a natural warning system.

The same holds true for emotional pain. How would we have known that our lives had become unmanageable if we hadn’t been in pain? Just like physical pain, emotional pain lets us know when to stop doing something that hurts.

But pain is not only a motivating factor. Emotional pain provides a basis for comparison when we are joyful. We couldn’t appreciate joy without knowing pain.

Just for today: I will accept pain as a necessary part of life. I know that to whatever level I can feel pain, I can also feel joy.

[Edmund]

October 2

Keeping faith

“We grasp the limitless strength provided for us through our daily prayer and surrender as long as we keep faith and renew it.”
Basic Text, p. 46

There are two parts to recovery: getting clean, and staying clean. Getting clean is comparatively easy because we only have to do it once. Staying clean is more difficult, requiring attention every day of our lives. Yet both draw their power from faith.

We got clean on faith. We admitted that addiction was more powerful than we were, and we stopped trying to fight it on our own. We turned the battle over to a Power greater than ourselves, and that Higher Power got us clean.

We stay clean each day the same way: on faith. Just for today, we surrender. Life may be too big for us to tackle on our own power. When it is, we seek a Power greater than ourselves. We pray, asking our Higher Power for direction and the strength to follow it. By exercising and renewing our faith on a daily basis, we tap the resources we need to live clean, full lives.

There is limitless strength available to us whenever we need it. To grasp it, all we need to do is keep faith in the Higher Power that got us clean and keeps us clean.

Just for today: Faith got me clean, and faith will keep me clean. Today, I will keep faith with my Higher Power. I will renew my surrender and pray for knowledge and strength

[Edmund]

October 3rd

Losing self-will

“Our egos, once so large and dominant, now take a back seat because we are in harmony with a loving God. We find that we lead richer, happier, and much fuller lives when we lose self-will.”
Basic Text, p. 105

Addiction and self-will go hand in hand. The unmanageability that we admitted to in Step One was as much a product of our self-will as it was of our chronic drug abuse. And today, living on self-will can make our lives just as unmanageable as they were when we were using. When our ideas, our desires, our demands take first place in our lives, we find ourselves in constant conflict with everyone and everything around us.

Self-will reflects our reliance on ego. The only thing that will free us from self-will and the conflict it generates in our lives is to break our reliance on ego, coming to rely instead on the guidance and power offered us by a loving God.

We are taught to consult spiritual principles, not our selfish desires, in making our decisions. We are taught to seek guidance from a Higher Power, one with a larger vision of things than our own. In doing this, we find our lives meshing more and more easily with the order of things around us. No longer do we exclude ourselves from the flow of life; we become a part of it, and discover the fullness of what recovery has to offer.

Just for today: I seek freedom from ego and the conflicts generated by self-will. I will try to improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding, seeking the guidance and power I need to live in harmony with my world.

[Edmund]

October 4th

Thirty-day wonder

“When we first begin to enjoy relief from our addiction, we run the risk of assuming control of our lives again. We forget the agony and pain that we have known.”
Basic Text, p. 50

Many of us have been “thirty-day wonders.” We were desperate and dying when we showed up at our first NA meeting. We identified with the addicts we met there and the message they shared. With their support, we were finally able to stop using and catch a free breath. For the first time in a long, long time, we felt at home. Overnight, our lives were transformed; we walked, talked, ate, drank, slept, and dreamed Narcotics Anonymous.

Then, Narcotics Anonymous lost its novelty. Meetings that had been a thrill became monotonous. Our wonderful NA friends became bores; their uplifting NA talk, drivel. When our former friends called, inviting us back for some of the old fun, we kissed our recovery goodbye.

Sooner or later, we made our way back to the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. Nothing had changed out there, we’d discovered—not us, not our friends, not the drugs, not anything. If anything, it had gotten worse than ever.

True, NA meetings may not be a laugh riot, and our NA friends may not be spiritual giants. But there’s a power in the meetings, a common bond among the members, a life to the program that we can’t do without. Today, our recovery is more than just a fad—it’s a way of life. We’re going to practice living our program like our lives depend on it, because they do.

Just for today: I’m no “thirty-day wonder.” The NA way is my way of life, and I’m here for the duration.

[Edmund]

October 5th

Ask for mercy, not justice

"Many of us have difficulty admitting that we caused harm for others… We cut away our justifications and our ideas of being a victim."
Basic Text, p. 38

Our lives are progressing nicely. Things are going good, and each year in recovery brings more material and spiritual gifts. We may have a little money in the bank, a new car, or a committed relationship. We have a little self-confidence, and our faith in a Higher Power is growing.

Then, something happens. Someone breaks into our new car and steals the stereo, or the person we’re in the relationship with becomes unfaithful. Right away, we feel victimized. “Where’s the justice?” we wail. But if we take a look back on our own behavior, we may find that we’ve been guilty of doing what’s just been done to us. We realize we wouldn’t really want justice—not for ourselves, and not for others. What we want is mercy.

We thank a loving God for the compassion we’ve been shown, and we take the time to appreciate all the precious gifts that recovery brings.

Just for today: I will pray for mercy, not justice. I am grateful for the compassion I’ve been shown, and will offer mercy to others.

[Edmund]

October 6th

Amends without expectations

“Projections about actually making amends can be a major obstacle both in making the list and in becoming willing.”
Basic Text, p. 39

The Eighth Step asks us to become willing to make amends to all persons we have harmed. As we approach this step, we may wonder what the outcome of our amends will be. Will we be forgiven? Relieved of any lingering guilt? Or will we be tarred and feathered by the persons we’ve harmed?

Our tendency to seek forgiveness must be surrendered if we expect to receive the spiritual benefits of the Eighth and Ninth Steps. If we approach these steps expecting anything, we’re likely to be very disappointed with the results. We want to ask ourselves if we are pinning our hopes on gaining the forgiveness of the person to whom we are making amends. Or maybe we’re hoping we’ll be excused from our debts by some sympathetic creditor moved to tears by our hard-luck story.

We need to be willing to make our amends regardless of the outcome. We can plan the amends, but we can’t plan the results. Although we may not be granted a full pardon by everyone to whom we owe amends, we will learn to forgive ourselves. In the process, we will find that we no longer have to carry the burdens of the past.

Just for today: I will let go of any expectations I have on the people to whom I owe amends.

[Edmund]

October 7th

Depending on our Higher Power

“As recovering addicts, we find that we are still dependent, but our dependence has shifted from the things around us to a loving God and the inner strength we get in our relationship with Him.”
Basic Text, pp. 71

For many addicts, rebelliousness is second nature. We didn’t want to depend on anyone or anything, and especially not on God. The beauty of using, we thought, was that it gave us the power to be and feel anything we wanted, all by ourselves. But the price we paid for this illusory freedom was a dependence beyond our worst nightmares. Rather than freeing us, using enslaved us.

When we came to Narcotics Anonymous, we learned that dependence on God didn’t have to mean what we may have thought it meant. Yes, if we wanted to be restored to sanity, we would need to tap “a Power greater than ourselves.” However, we could choose our own concept of this Higher Power—we could even make one up. Dependence on a Higher Power would not limit us, we discovered; it would free us.

The Power we find in recovery is the power we lacked on our own. It is the love we were afraid to depend on others for. It is the sense of personal direction we never had, the guidance we couldn’t humble ourselves to ask for or trust others to give. It is all these things, and it is our own. Today, we are grateful to have a Higher Power to depend on.

Just for today: I will depend on the love and inner strength I draw from the God of my own understanding.