“This ability to listen is a gift and grows as we grow spiritually. Life takes on a new meaning when we open ourselves to this gift.”
Basic Text, p. 107
Have you ever watched two small children carry on a conversation? One will be talking about purple dragons while the other carries on about the discomfort caused by having sand in one’s shoes. We sometimes encounter the same communication problems as we learn to listen to others. We may struggle through meetings, trying desperately to hear the person sharing while our minds are busy planning what we will say when it’s our turn to speak. In conversation, we may suddenly realize that our answers have nothing to do with the questions we’re being asked. They are, instead, speeches prepared while in the grip of our self-obsession.
Learning how to listen—really *listen—*is a difficult task, but one that’s not beyond our reach. We might begin by acknowledging in our replies what our conversational partner is saying. We might ask if there is anything we can do to help when someone expresses a problem. With a little practice, we can find greater freedom from self-obsession and closer contact with the people in our lives.
Just for today:I will quiet my own thoughts and listen to what someone else is saying.
“I started to imitate some of the things the winners were doing. I got caught up in NA. I felt good…”
Basic Text, p. 153
We often hear it said in meetings that we should “stick with the winners.” Who are the winners in Narcotics Anonymous? Winners are easily identified. They work an active program of recovery, living in the solution and staying out of the problem. Winners are always ready to reach their hands out to the newcomer. They have sponsors and work with those sponsors. Winners stay clean, just for today.
Winners are recovering addicts who keep a positive frame of mind. They may be going through troubled times, but they still attend meetings and share openly about it. Winners know in their hearts that, with the help of a Higher Power, nothing will come along that is too much to handle.
Winners strive for unity in their service efforts. Winners practice putting “principles before personalities.” Winners remember the principle of anonymity, doing the principled action no matter who is involved.
Winners keep a sense of humor. Winners have the ability to laugh at themselves. And when winners laugh, they laugh with you, not at you.
Who are the winners in Narcotics Anonymous? Any one of us can be considered a winner. All of us exhibit some of the traits of the winner; sometimes we come very close to the ideal, sometimes we don’t. If we are clean today and working our program to the best of our ability, we are winners!
Just for today: I will strive to fulfill my ideals. I will be a winner.
“No one is forcing us to give up our misery.”
Basic Text, p. 29
It’s funny to remember how reluctant we once were to surrender to recovery. We seemed to think we had wonderful, fulfilling lives as using addicts and that giving up our drugs would be worse than serving a life sentence at hard labor. In reality, the opposite was true: Our lives were miserable, but we were afraid to trade that familiar misery for the uncertainties of recovery.
It’s possible to be miserable in recovery, too, though it’s not necessary. No one will force us to work the steps, go to meetings, or work with a sponsor. There is no NA militia that will force us to do the things that will free us from pain. But we do have a choice. We’ve already chosen to give up the misery of active addiction for the sanity of recovery. Now, if we’re ready to exchange today’s misery for even greater peace, we have a means to do just that—if we really want to.
Just for today:I don’t have to be miserable unless I really want to be. Today, I will trade in my misery for the benefits of recovery.
“By working the steps, we come to accept a Higher Power’s will… We lose our fear of the unknown. We are set free.”
Basic Text, p. 16
Life is a series of changes, both large and small. Although we may know and accept this fact intellectually, chances are that our initial emotional reaction to change is fear. For some reason, we assume that each and every change is going to hurt, causing us to be miserable.
If we look back on the changes that have happened in our lives, we’ll find that most of them have been for the best. We were probably very frightened at the prospect of life without drugs, yet it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us. Perhaps we’ve lost a job that we thought we’d die without, but later on we found greater challenge and personal fulfillment in a new career. As we venture forth in our recovery, we’re likely to experience more changes. We will outgrow old situations and become ready for new ones.
With all sorts of changes taking place, it’s only natural to grab hold of something, anything familiar and try to hold on. Solace can be found in a Power greater than ourselves. The more we allow changes to happen at the direction of our Higher Power, the more we’ll trust that those changes are for the best. Faith will replace fear, and we’ll know in our hearts that all will be well.
Just for today:When I am afraid of a change in my life, I will take comfort from knowing that God’s will for me is good.
“There is only one requirement for membership, the desire to stop using.”
Basic Text, p. 9
We all know people who could benefit from Narcotics Anonymous. Many people we encounter from all walks of life—our family members, old friends, and coworkers—could really use a program of recovery in their lives. Sadly, those who need us don’t always find their way to our rooms.
NA is a program of attraction, not promotion. We are only members when we say we are. We can bring our friends and loved ones to a meeting if they are willing, but we cannot force them to embrace the way of life that has given us freedom from active addiction.
Membership in Narcotics Anonymous is a highly personal decision. The choice to become a member is made in the heart of each individual addict. In the long run, coerced meeting attendance doesn’t keep too many addicts in our rooms. Only addicts who are still suffering, if given the opportunity, can decide if they are powerless over their addiction. We can carry the message, but we can’t carry the addict.
Just for today:I am grateful for my decision to become a member of Narcotics Anonymous.
“Addiction is a physical, mental, and spiritual disease that affects every area of our lives.”
Basic Text, p. 20
Before we started using, most of us had a stereotype, a mental image of what addicts were supposed to look like. Some of us pictured a junkie robbing convenience markets for drug money. Others imagined a paranoid recluse peering at life from behind perpetually drawn drapes and locked doors. As long as we didn’t fit any of the stereotypes, we thought, we couldn’t be addicts.
As our using progressed, we discarded those misconceptions about addiction, only to come up with another: the idea that addiction was about drugs. We may have thought addiction meant a physical habit, believing any drug that didn’t produce physical habituation was not “addictive.” Or we thought the drugs we took were causing all our problems. We thought that merely getting rid of the drugs would restore sanity to our lives.
One of the most important lessons we learn in Narcotics Anonymous is that addiction is much more than the drugs we used. Addiction is a part of us; it’s an illness that involves every area of our lives, with or without drugs. We can see its effects on our thoughts, our feelings, and our behavior, even after we stop using. Because of this, we need a solution that works to repair every area of our lives: the Twelve Steps.
Just for today:Addiction is not a simple disease, but it has a simple solution. Today, I will live in that solution: the Twelve Steps of recovery.
“There is a spiritual principle of giving away what we have been given in Narcotics Anonymous in order to keep it. By helping others to stay clean, we enjoy the benefit of the spiritual wealth that we have found.”
Basic Text, p. 49
Time and again in our recovery, others have freely shared with us what was freely shared with them. Perhaps we were the recipients of a Twelfth Step call. Maybe someone picked us up and took us to our first meeting. It could be that someone bought us dinner when we were new. All of us have been given time, attention, and love by our fellow members. We may have asked someone, “What can I do to repay you?” And the answer we received was probably a suggestion that we do the same for a newer member when we were able.
As we maintain our clean time and recovery, we find ourselves wanting to do for others the things that someone did for us, and happy that we can. If we heard the message while in a hospital or institution, we can join our local H&I subcommittee. Perhaps we can volunteer on the NA helpline. Or we can give of our time, attention, and love to a newcomer we are trying to help.
We’ve been given much in our recovery. One of the greatest of these gifts is the privilege of sharing with others what’s been shared with us, with no expectation of reward. It’s a joy to find we have something that can be of use to others, and that joy is multiplied when we share it. Today we can do so, freely and gratefully.
Just for today:I have been given much in my recovery, and I am deeply grateful for it. I will take joy in being able to share it with others as freely as it was shared with me.
“Complacency is the enemy of members with substantial clean time. If we remain complacent for long, the recovery process ceases.”
Basic Text, p. 84
Recognizing complacency in our recovery is like seeing smoke in a room. The “smoke” thickens when our meeting attendance drops, contact with newcomers decreases, or relations with our sponsor aren’t maintained. With continued complacency, we won’t be able to see through the smoke to find our way out. Only our immediate response will prevent an inferno.
We must learn to recognize the smoke of complacency. In NA, we have all the help we need to do that. We need to spend time with other recovering addicts because they may detect our complacency before we do. Newcomers will remind us of how painful active addiction can be. Our sponsor will help us remain focused, and recovery literature kept in easy reach can be used to extinguish the small flare-ups that happen from time to time. Regular participation in our recovery will surely enable us to see that wisp of smoke long before it becomes a major inferno.
Just for today:I will participate in the full range of my recovery. My commitment to NA is just as strong today as it was in the beginning of my recovery.
Glad you enjoy reading the post Alison. It only requires a few seconds to create, copy and paste… It’s one of the many tools in my sobriety toolbox for accountability and being of service. The reward is that i have a little over 4 years of a continuous sobriety. One Day at a time, One hour at a time, sometimes it’s one breath at a time is what it takes to get through the day.
Also Alison if you have time check out another post called “Recovery Quote of the Day”. It’s geared more towards Alcoholics Anonymous and it comes from my heart and soul.
“The fact that we, each and every group, focus on carrying the message provides consistency; addicts can count on us.”
Basic Text, p. 68
Tales of our antics in active addiction may be funny. Stories of our old bizarre reactions to life when using may be interesting. But they tend to carry the mess more than the message. Philosophical arguments on the nature of God are fascinating. Discussions of current controversies have their place—however, it’s not at an NA meeting.
Those times when we grow disgusted with meetings and find ourselves complaining that “they don’t know how to share” or “it was another whining session” are probably an indication that we need to take a good, hard look at how we share.
What we share about how we got into recovery and how we stayed here through practicing the Twelve Steps is the real message of recovery. That’s what we are all looking for when we go to a meeting. Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the still-suffering addict, and what we share at meetings can either contribute significantly to this effort or detract greatly. The choice, and the responsibility, is ours.
Just for today:I will share my recovery at an NA meeting.
“Words mean nothing until we put them into action.”
Basic Text, p. 58
The Twelfth Step reminds us “to practice these principles in all our affairs.” In NA, we see living examples of this suggestion all around us. The more experienced members, who seem to have an aura of peace surrounding them, demonstrate the rewards of applying this bit of wisdom in their lives.
To receive the rewards of the Twelfth Step, it is vital that we practice the spiritual principles of recovery even when no one is looking. If we talk about recovery at meetings but continue to live as we did in active addiction, our fellow members may suspect that we are doing nothing more than quoting bumper stickers.
What we pass on to newer members comes more from how we live than what we say. If we advise someone to “turn it over” without having experienced the miracle of the Third Step, chances are the message will fail to reach the ears of the newcomer for whom it’s intended. On the other hand, if we “walk what we talk” and share our genuine experience in recovery, the message will surely be evident to all.
Just for today:I will practice the principles of recovery, even when I’m the only one who knows.
“Freedom to change seems to come after acceptance of ourselves.”
Basic Text, p. 58
Fear and denial are the opposites of acceptance. None of us are perfect, even in our own eyes; all of us have certain traits that, given the chance, we would like to change. We sometimes become overwhelmed when contemplating how far short we fall of our ideals, so overwhelmed that we fear there’s no chance of becoming the people we’d like to be. That’s when our defense mechanism of denial kicks in, taking us to the opposite extreme: nothing about ourselves needs changing, we tell ourselves, so why worry? Neither extreme gives us the freedom to change.
Whether we are long-time NA members or new to recovery, the freedom to change is acquired by working the Twelve Steps. When we admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives, we counteract the lie that says we don’t have to change. In coming to believe that a Power greater than we are can help us, we lose our fear that we are damaged beyond repair; we come to believe we can change. We turn ourselves over to the care of the God of our understanding and tap the strength we need to make a thorough, honest examination of ourselves. We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being what we’ve found. We accept the good and the bad in ourselves; with this acceptance, we become free to change.
Just for today:I want to change. By working the steps, I will counter fear and denial and find the acceptance needed to change.
“When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a human being, either with or without drugs, we all face the same dilemma… Either go on as best we can to the bitter ends—jails, institutions, or death—or find a new way to live.”
Basic Text, p. 87
What was the worst aspect of active addiction? For many of us, it wasn’t the chance that we might die some day of our disease. The worst part was the living death we experienced every day, the never-ending meaninglessness of life. We felt like walking ghosts, not living, loving parts of the world around us.
In recovery, we’ve come to believe that we’re here for a reason: to love ourselves and to love others. In working the Twelve Steps, we have learned to accept ourselves. With that self-acceptance has come self-respect. We have seen that everything we do has an effect on others; we are a part of the lives of those around us, and they of ours. We’ve begun to trust other people and to acknowledge our responsibility to them.
In recovery, we’ve come back to life. We maintain our new lives by contributing to the welfare of others and seeking each day to do that better—that’s where the Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps come in. The days of living like a ghost are past, but only so long as we actively seek to be healthy, loving, contributing parts of our own lives and the lives of others around us.
Just for today:I have found a new way to live. Today, I will seek to serve others with love and to love myself.
Amen. After 685 days of my husband, now ex, taking off to a different state with our three young children…
I saw them all this weekend. It was beautiful and heart wrenching all at the same time.
I’ve a lot of wreckage to meticulously clean up and four additional lives I ought to take into account with every step, breath and action moving forward. (My other son, not my exhubby…)
And even as I know I’ve got MOUNTAINS to climb ahead of me…I praise my higher power for keeping me through in spite of me so I can spend the time I got with the children I was blessed to give birth to and one day be reunited with for longer than 8 hours.
Thank you sobriety, thank you Jesus, thank you Talking Sober, thank you Denver and Thank you Mary’s Hope and New Beginnings. I’m forever grateful.
It’s Not for Naught. All my wreckage and damage and hurt and dark deeds can and will be used to help encourage others back to their hearts and sobriety. I hope …
“We reevaluate our old ideas so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life.”
Basic Text, p. 94
Learning to live a new way of life can be difficult. Sometimes, when the going gets especially hard, we’re tempted to follow the path of least resistance and live by our old ideas again. We forget that our old ideas were killing us. To live a new way of life, we need to open our minds to new ideas.
Working the steps, attending meetings, sharing with others, trusting a sponsor—these suggestions may meet our resistance, even our rebellion. The NA program requires effort, but each step in the program brings us closer to becoming the kinds of people we truly want to be. We want to change, to grow, to become something more than we are today. To do that, we open our minds, try on the new ideas we’ve found in NA, and learn to live a new way of life.
Just for today:I will open my mind to new ideas and learn to live my life in a new way.
“The drive for personal gain… which brought so much pain in the past falls by the wayside if we adhere to the principle of anonymity.”
Basic Text, p. 76
The word anonymity itself means namelessness, but there’s a larger principle at work in the anonymity of the NA program: the principle of selflessness. When we admit our powerlessness to manage our own lives, we take our first step away from self-will and our first step toward selflessness. The less we try to run our lives on self-will, the more we find the power and direction once so sorely lacking in our lives.
But the principle of selflessness does a lot more than just make us feel better—it helps us live better. Our ideas of how the world should be run begin to lose their importance, and we stop trying to impose our will on everyone and everything around us. And when we abandon our “know-it-all” pretensions and start recognizing the value of other people’s experience, we start treating them with respect. The interests of others become as important to us as our own; we start to think about what’s best for the group, rather than just what’s best for us. We start living a life that’s bigger than we are, that’s more than just us, our name, ourself—we start living the principle of anonymity.
Just for today:God, please free me from self-will. Help me understand the principle of anonymity; help me to live selflessly.
“We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression.”
Basic Text, p. 27
As addicts, many of us experience depression from time to time. When we feel depressed, we may be tempted to isolate ourselves. However, if we do this, our depression may turn to despair. We can’t afford to let depression lead us back to using.
Instead, we try to go about the routine of our lives. We make meeting attendance and contact with our sponsor top priorities. Sharing with others about our feelings may let us know we aren’t the only ones who have been depressed in recovery. Working with a newcomer can work wonders for our own state of mind. And, most importantly, prayer and meditation can help us tap the power we need to survive depression.
We practice acceptance and remember that feelings like depression will unquestionably pass in time. Rather than struggle with our feelings, we accept them and ask for the strength to walk through them.
Just for today:I accept that my feelings of depression won’t last forever. I will talk openly about my feelings with my sponsor or another person who understands.
“When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction may be defensive… [But] if we truly want to be free, we will take a good look at input from fellow addicts.”
Basic Text, p. 36
At some point in our recovery, we come to the awkward realization that the way we see ourselves is not necessarily the way others do. We are probably neither as bad, as good, as beautiful, nor as ugly as we think we are—but we are too close to ourselves to really tell for sure. That’s where our friends in the program come in, caring enough to share with us what they see when they look in our direction. They tell us the good things about ourselves we might not know—and they tell us the hard things, too, that we might not be able to see.
We may react defensively to such “help”—and, in some cases, justly so. However, even malicious remarks about our supposed shortcomings can shed light on aspects of our recovery that we cannot see ourselves. Wherever a useful insight comes from, for whatever reason it is offered, we cannot afford to discount it.
We don’t need to wait for others to spontaneously offer their insight. When we spend time with our sponsor or other NA members we trust, we can make the first move and ask them to tell us what they see about particular areas of our lives to which we are blind. We want a broader vision of our life than just our own; we can have that vision by seeing ourselves through the eyes of others.
Just for today:I seek to see myself as I truly am. I will listen to what others say about me, and see myself through their eyes.
