Hi everyone. So I just got the news yesterday from my wife and I am terrified. Still processing it. We weren’t planning for this, and amidst everything that’s been going on in our lives and careers I am feeling completely overwhelmed right now.
I haven’t drank in over three months now and intend to keep it that way, so I’m really not worried about relapsing or anything of the sort. Quite the opposite really. Getting this news has only driven me more to stay sober to be a better partner to my wife and prepare for this. Nonetheless, the desire to have a drink is still ever present.
I spend a lot of time looking through everyone’s posts on here and it seems like there are a lot of very knowledgeable, well rounded and accomplished people on here. If there are any fathers or mothers among you reading this I would really appreciate some life advice right now. thank you all
Congratulations! I didn’t plan for mine either but shes the best thing that ever happened to me. So glad its driving you to keep going rather than stressing and drinking the thought away. You’ll be able to be sober from their birth, something I wish I could have had. Sounds like you’re going to be a wonderful father All the best to you and your family.
Congratulations!! Being sober is going to help you be the best father you can be. Keep up the good work! Im not gonna lie, parenting can be difficult at times and as long as we’re clean and sober, it makes it easier. I wish babies came with manuals.
Congratulations my 2 were not overly planned but there my world
Congratulations! Yes, it is overwhelming for the (I assume) first time parent, and perhaps one doesn’t thing this way, but a child is the physical manifestation of your legacy. Such a blessing to have the opportunity to raise a child, educate them, and instill them with the values needed to be a decent, well adjusted human being, capable of doing great and wonderful things.
My son was born when I was 22, my daughter when I was 40. I was much better prepared for my daughter, but even with my lack of experience, my son grew to be a man any father could be proud of.
Such a wonderful future you have, one worth being sober for.
thanks everyone. I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my life! I am 26 years old and still feel like I don’t have my shit together at all. The reality of how immense this responsibility has got me in a full range of emotions. I want to be a good father but who knows I’m laughing and crying at the same time while I’m at work what a mess lol
WOOHOO! It’s a great thing to be a dad, I feel. And, being an alcoholic in recovery it has given me the most powerful secondary motivator-- to educate my sons on what it likely means for them if they ever go down the substance abuse trail. My dad died of my disease at 45 and my grandfather was known for many years as fifth-a-day Taylor. I thought I could dodge that bullet…Now I have to stay sober for me and to be able to help my boys, period.
Aww, some people just want to get here, so they arrive when we least expect them. Sounds like this little life is ready to join you.
I got pregnant at 18 and had my daughter at 19, she turns 40 this year. It is okay to not be prepared (believe me, no one really is) and it is okay to not feel ready and to feel scared…we all do!
Now we have a 5 year old grandson too!! Positive parenting has been helpful for all of us with him. Maybe look around for some parenting blogs that resonate with you or books. Much like sobriety, we each find our own way, but support from those who have been there does help.
First - congratulations on embarking on life’s greatest adventure!
I had my kids at 39 and 41. They were planned, hoped for, begged for, prayed for, drank for…and when I finally got that positive pregnancy test, I was more scared than I had ever been in my life.
For years I traveled the world, had a career, didn’t have quite enough money, health issues in the family…there was always a reason that the time wasn’t quite perfect and I waited. For me, I now know that there is never a perfect time to have children. What I also know is that I have two main jobs:. Stay sober and love them. As long as I do that, the rest kind of instinctively comes…
You will be a wonderful parent. Your fears are absolutely normal… Parenthood is in some ways like sobriety. One day at a time…
There are a bunch of us parents here. Feel free to ask questions, vent, freak out…whatever. We’ve all been there…
This gave me the goosebumps.
Are you capable of loving someone else? Protecting them? Teaching them?
You just have to be capable, you don’t have to be perfect, and by being sober for a year by the time they arrive, you’ll be more than capable.
Have faith, in you, in your wife, in your sobriety. You’re gonna be just fine.
Like you I was nervous about being a father. I was worried I wouldnt be good at it.
I learned quickly that there is no way to be a perfect parent. Your son or daughter will just need your love and attention. Everything else involved in parenting you will just learn as you go.
thank you everyone for being so supportive again. I mean, you guys don’t even know me, don’t even know what I look like and are showing me all this kindness. ya’ll got me choked up, for real! Thank you all for the advice; I am going to spend the next nine months reading, educating myself on parenting and working to save up for my future child.
I was having a bit of a meltdown when I wrote that comment earlier about laughing and crying, sorry to freak you guys out. I freaked myself out! At home with the wife now, thinking positively about our future. Things are gonna work out, just have to try
No worries, we’re not that easy to freak out.