Just relapased after 10 months clean and sober

Hi guys
Im james and im from Sydney Australia,
I recently busted after 10 months of bring clean and sober
I really thought I had it
I had started the NA steps but didn’t really get motivated to keep going
I have been struggling the past 2 days thinking about the 10 months I wasted and how quickly I fell straight back into my addiction and how scary it was being back out there…
It was like it had me by my throat and just took everything from me…
It only lasted 4 days and I went out with a bang but im really scared and don’t want to go back to that place…
I have a fiancée who has 6 years up and im really grateful for her and for her getting me to the rooms.
But im just so scared and feel kind of depressed about this whole ordeal…
im only back up to day 4

3 Likes

Hey, thanks for sharing! It takes a lot of courage and strength to get honest and say “I messed up”. I’m glad youre back. Now stay! Use this relapse as a learning experience. I’m a chronic relapser and I’ve found that I did not lose the knowledge I learned during however many months I was in the rooms. So I’d suggest getting to a meeting a day, do 90 and 90 if need be to hold yourself accountable. But get back to your meetings. Meetings do help in my opinion. Get honest with your support group and sponsor and start back on Step 1. I have to work Step 1 every single day, 100%. I know for a fact that I can not use successfully! That goes for the alcohol too. They always say, we pick up right where we left off and it gets worse. Isnt that the truth! Think back, what triggered you to use again? Put pen to paper and write about whats really goin on. Get that shame and guilt down on paper and share it with your sponsor about where you’re really at… we always think we should be further along than we are. I do it all the time. But once I stay in today, and do this thing, one day at a time, it works a lot better… hang in there man and glad you’re here!

2 Likes

You are in my thoughts.

1 Like

You didn’t lose your 10 months @Jamesmcg89, you just had 4 shitty days. Regard them as a slap in the face to remind you why you’re doing this, you’re already 4 days back from the dead - great work!

2 Likes

thanks I appreciate it.

thank you this means a lot to hear that. I guess it is a reminder of why I need to stop this shit…

1 Like

Exactly - 10 months is brilliant. It hasn’t disappeared. You stumbled, picked yourself up and are back.
I’m sure your fiancee’s got your back, fuck it, we’ve all made mistakes, don’t tear yourself up, move on. You’re doing just fine!

3 Likes