I just hit 90 days clean and now I’ve relapsed. And on a grand scale. A friend of mine also relapsed and is spiraling down. He got drunk High arrested and is about to lose his Grandma. I’ve recently gone through a really nasty breakup and I’m really struggling. I feel like my friends relapse is all my fault too.
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Hi Kelly, my first real try if I remember correctly I relapsed after 90 days as well. I don’t know if it was the number, the many changes to come in my life. Anyhow, I didn’t take it serious enough, I guess. Sobriety was so easy this far and I felt so good I couldnt imagine something that would be driving me back to drinking… I was wrong. I learned a lot from this and keep on learning why I drank. It doesn’t do me any good anymore bit even in my imagination.
It’s surely not your fault that your friends relapse. The only person (maybe children as well) you are responsible for is you!
You can do this. And being here is a good first step!
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We are responsible for our own actions Kellie. You are for yours. Sorry for your troubles. You know using isn’t going to help you with 'm Being clean and sober will give you the opportunity to work on them instead. Glad you are here. Together we can do this. Alone it is to much.
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I just feel like such a jerk. I could have said no. I should have known that it was going to lead to disaster. But he was already drunk and was literally throwing money at me. I thought I could just do it once.
I just feel like an idiot. I know better. But when he started throwing money at me it was like the old me just came right back. I forgot everything I learned I just went right back all the stupid stuff. I was smart enough to walk away before everything got out of hand but he had to keep going. of course now he’s calling me from jail and I feel awful
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Hi @Kellie,
Who can you seek out for support at this time? Have you tried AA, NA, rehab, SMART recovery, Refuge recovery…? Family, friends, loved ones. 90 days was an important achievement, it’s shown you that you CAN do this, you CAN BE SOBER. But it takes commitment, hard work and determination, and support. You are worthy of love and happiness, and that comes with sobriety. But you gotta believe it first. No excuses, just dedicated action. One day at a time. It also takes boundaries. Only surround yourself with ppl who want the best for you and who help you grow
Wishing you well.
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Sometimes we need some hard lessons Kellie. Growing pains, no pain no gain and all that. You are here. You are sober. This is day one. Being accountable is scary but it is absolutely needed. This place was less scary for me than face to face but I needed face to face too for quite a while. Let us help. We got you if you let us.
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I definitely need the help. I’ve completed to inpatient programs since May and I was really doing good. I don’t know why I couldn’t resist temptation today. I feel like I was jealous that he was drunk but as soon as you mention getting high and started pulling out money I just went with it
I’m just so ashamed of myself
Don’t beat yourself up. It happened. Now, it’s time to move forward. Sounds like you need to work on changing your mindset around alcohol/drinking. See it for what it really is and does to you. That way there is no temptation. You see reality instead - poison. Alcohol is poison. Look for the evidence of this. How can you connect to this statement. How can you change and grow and evolve into a person that does not envy others drinking, but rather pitys it, for you know of the damage and despair it brings. How can you learnt o rejoice and own and LOVE being sober…? What actions can you take each day to change so that this becomes your new way of life your new way of thinking…?
Sober life = our best life, for sure! I remind myself of this every day. No matter what my crazy thoughts/mind tell me, I know when to call BS and get real. I play the tape all the way through. I stop glamorizing drinking and associating it with “fun”. Truth is, it’s not fun. Being sober is, because it means having courage and strength and being brave. You can do this. Decide now and don’t look back. No matter what. And no matter who. Sobriety is up to you. Even if you’re around others drinking.
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I can’t believe the outpouring of support in just 10 minutes of posting on here. Your people are absolutely amazing. This is exactly what I need to hear right now. I’m definitely guilty of getting stuck in a pity party. I was just so proud of those 90 days. It really scares me that I was able to crumble so quickly at just the mention of it. I don’t like that I can be so easily controlled by money and drugs still.
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This is a good place to start Kellie.
This is where you need to build up defenses against this.
If it’s that easy for you to crumble, you need to stay well away from people places and things from your past.
Build a new life where you won’t come into contact with anyone or anything.
It’s a hard thing to do, but if the alternative is relapsing, I’d know what I’d be doing.
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Hey Kellie, what would you tell your best friend in a similar situation. Would you beat her up like you atm? Try to be self forgiving. I mean not like that naaahh it was just a relapse but try to find out what took you there. For me it were most of the time feelings/thoughts like not being loved, good enough, no one loves me,i am dumb and all of this. This led me into an automatic mode drinking, drinking, hoping not to drink, drinking.
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The last time i relapsed it cost me two years and almost my life. Your 90 days are not gone, not the lessons you learned. Your friends relapse isn’t your fault, my drinking never got anyone else drunk.
In life bad things happen. My mom is slowly dying from cirrhosis but i tell you that I’m so grateful to be sober so i can take care of what i have to. There will always be an excuse to drink BUT there will always be many reasons not to. Reach out if you need help, you have an army of people here for you.
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Welcome Kellie 🙋
Relapse sucks, but when you learn something out of it it’s not entirely useless 
So: what can you learn from it to avoid a new one?
I had my share of relapses and most of them where after 3 months. Milestone are tricky days for me for sure!
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I’m not sure quite yet what the lesson is. Poor impulse control? My friend had already relapsed before I did that day yes, but I knew better. I should have avoided the situation entirely. I knew where it was headed. And I was a bad friend to him and myself by letting it get that bad.
His relapse might not be my fault but I definitely added to it. I knew where things were headed once he had relapsed. I knew it was going to be all bad. I never should have gone back and picked him up later in the day. The song so childish but I feel like I was jealous that he got to get drunk and high and I didn’t.
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I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. It sounds like sobriety came into your life just in time. I do have a million reasons to be sober. I just hate it when my crappy life decisions affect other people. I just feel really bad for my friend. I don’t know what happened after I dropped him off last night but he ended up breaking his leg, getting arrested, and now he’s right back at it drinking again today
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Prayers and good vibes to you and your friend! I’m glad you’re here this is an awesome place with awesome people welcome home! 
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You can apologize for what you feel is your part but then you must move on. When we beat ourselves up we beat ourselves back into active addiction. Thanks for the condolences. Hold your head up, control what you can and let the rest go. I’m pulling for you