Just sad today

Life in Recovery
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Ya know… I’m always the one being super positive and uplifting for everyone else, but I am just extremely sad today.

I have three beautiful children and a wonderful husband, but the truth is, we are completely on an island with no other family. My dad remarried someone twenty years younger, had two more kids, and moved to Texas—we don’t speak. My mom passed away, and my mother-in-law is a literal nightmare (she actually wouldn’t come watch her granddaughter while I was having surgery because she had a hair appointment). My sister is wonderful, but she lives way out in Long Island and I’m in Jersey.

It breaks my heart and eats me up with envy every time I go to my kids’ sports games and see all the other kids surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles, and a whole cheering section. I want that for them so badly. I wish they could experience a big, chaotic, magical Christmas family gathering. I wish they had grandparents in the stands yelling their names.

Even my friend group here doesn’t feel like a real safety net. We are only friends because I keep my mouth shut about my actual beliefs—if I were open and honest about who I am and what I think, they wouldn’t be my friends. Having to edit yourself just to have people to talk to is a different kind of lonely.

On top of all that, because I’m remarried and my two older kids go to their dad’s for certain holidays, our house gets split. It leaves just me, my husband, and our youngest, and the empty seats at the table leave a hollow ache in my chest every single time.

I know people love to say, “All that matters is the family you created.” And yes, my little crew is wonderful, but it doesn’t fill the void of a village. It doesn’t give me back the parents I should have had, and it doesn’t give my kids the extended family they deserve. I’m just feeling it extra heavy today, and trying to navigate the grief of it all.

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I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’m sending you a virtual hug :people_hugging:

Loneliness is overwhelming sometimes and we can get caught up in what we think everyone else has and how much they enjoy it. The people that say the comment above are perhaps also the people who say “but they’re family, you should just get along”. They’re people who don’t understand all the complexities you have experienced and describe above.

I remind myself of the chaos, frustration, and upset that came before the loneliness. Or the need to suppress who you really are to people who don’t really matter. You must do what is best for you and your little unit. Bigger families don’t always mean more love. Wider friendship groups don’t always mean more understanding and support. More people have issues with their families and wish they could cut themselves off or have cut themselves off than you realise.

I’m working on being happy in my own company and building a life that doesn’t require other people unless I invite them in.

I know my answer is tainted by my own experience. So please discard anything that doesn’t fit with your situation.

Sending you good vibes :rainbow::high_voltage::dizzy: for your day today. You are enough. :light_blue_heart:

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Hugs to you @Happydayz :people_hugging:

I’m alone, a fury tribe at home, friends i see rarely and a nice neighbourhood to chat when we meet on the street. very little social life. i like it. i chose it. i’m daily grateful for my late parents and that my exhusband left my life.
i’m good company for myself. yes, it can feel lonely. then i write down everything that i’m grateful for, every tiny detail, all that i’m grateful that it left my life because it is so much calmer, peaceful and better now.

i don’t compare my life situation anymore. i learned to accept what i can’t change and threw out people, places, activities and things that don’t go along with my values, needs and authentic self. still a work in process though.

the point is when we cherish all the good in our lifes and are grateful for it, the feeling of loneliness becomes an indicator where to look deeper into what we really need. honest connection, being seen, living according to our values, wants to change something …

sometimes the pictures & beliefs in our head are not what we want or need, they were put in our believe system long ago and never evaluated if they are true for us.

It sounds you have a lovely family with your husband and kids and it sounds your kids are loved and cared.
those “friends” where you can’t be yourself … that’s awful. i’d rather come here or talk to a tree than bend myself to “fit in”.

you do you, you are not alone, your feelings are valid and the right people will come when there is space in your life for them, mentally, emotionally and you are ready.
Keep going :sunflower:

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I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and I feel you to the bones. My situation is very familiar. I have 3 little kids and no family here. It breaks my heart every time my kids have a birthdays and there is just us. Sometimes some friend but I don’t have them here as well, not a close ones at least. I dont live in my homeland. Im more of a loner myself so it’s ok for me but I feel very sorry for my kids. They don’t have anyone but parents. It’s difficult, I know. Sending hugs your way :blue_heart:

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:people_hugging::people_hugging::people_hugging:. I am so sorry love. You don’t always have to be the positive one. I am grateful you came here and shared your sadness.

I understand your wants for a big family gathering and having a support group in the crowds cheering on your kids. I had a large family around (like close vicinity) but still did not have them show up to anything. I just chalked it up to culture while I was growing up. I did love seeing the single parent going absolutely bonkers in the cheering section for their kid. It was a beautiful sight to me. Your kids will remember that you showed up for them. That you were there. :people_hugging:

Oh love this is hard to maintain and yes so very lonely. I am so sorry!! You deserve friendships where you can be open about yourself and your beliefs and be accepted for who you are.:folded_hands:t4:.

Are you able to connect with people in meetings or possibly join meet ups in your area where you can find people with similar interests and outlook on life?

Sending massive hugs and love. :two_hearts::two_hearts::people_hugging::people_hugging:…Keep sharing and showing up for yourself :folded_hands:t4:

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@Happydayz I read your post. I understand your grief and I pray that you find a way to navigate through this sadness. You have a loving husband and children and that’s is wonderful, it’s a gift. Maintain it and Providence will help you with the rest. But I understand you. Sometimes life matters give heartpains

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